The Non Ending Supply of “Milky” Spatulas

[Explanation for non-Jews: Observant Jews who keep kosher have separate dishes for milk food, meat foods, and usually some general (NOT milky or meaty) utensils which are “pareve”.]
Kashrus (keeping kosher) with a teen with developmental disabilities in the house can be problematic at times.
First, let’s talk about what Ricki does RIGHT:
Ricki knows the milky/meaty sides of the kitchen and understands that you stay on one side at a time. She checks eggs for blood spots*, and sifts flour** like a pro.
So what are the problems? When anything new occurs. For us, recently, that was (is) our new kitchen. In the old one, the pareve silverware was on the (enclosed) porch; now these items are located in a drawer NEXT to the milky silverware. So, in the past two weeks, Ricki has made my pareve spatula “milky”twice. I have bought a third one, making sure (as I did with the second one…) that it looked entirely different from our milky one, and explained AGAIN the location of the “milky” spatula I am hoping that she finally got it. At least it is a spatula, and not a pot!

* blood spots are forbidden to eat
** to be sure it contains no bugs (which are NOT kosher!)

UPDATE TUESDAY MORNING 7 AM.:
...Make that three times. She did it again!

PSPS (Monday evening: So I bought another spatula today. I decided to put it somewhere out of reach for at least a few days, until Ricki gets used to the need to open her eyes and look a bit around for the milky one.....

The List of 27……

1)a tomato
2)SEVERAL pieces of (clean) toilet paper
3)Small Band-Aids
4)Wrappers, torn, from bigger Band-Aids
5)Several pages of A-4 size ink-jet suitable stickers
6)One good earring
7)A bra
8)Scissors
9)2 clothes hangers
10)Empty cassette cases
11)Several disposable cups, both clean and dirty
12)A disposable plate
13)A book
14)A booklet
15)Several advertising catalogues
16)pens
17)a vest
18)cassettes
19)CD’s
20)pieces of matzah
21)paper from (for) the computer printer
22)printed pictures from the computer
23)regular processed photos
24)Socks
25) a pencil sharpener
26) a playing card
27) hair ties

Oh, you ask, WHAT IS this???
…. Its what I found behind the computer and bed in Rickie’s room. So I made a list, and without telling her what it was, made her read the list. (Ricki: “What is the connection?!?? WHAT IS IT!??!”)
Than I informed her that she will be 27 days without computer.

Later, I found something NEWLY thrown on the floor of her room, and added another day……..

Small Signs of Maturity

Slowly, ever so quietly, I am seeing tiny buds of maturity start to take root in Ricki.
On Thursday, Ricki and I went swimming, and coming home I needed to run an errand. As we neared the house, I told Ricki to go home, and I would continue on to my errand. Ricki, happy for the chance at independence, charged forward. And as I followed at a distance, I could see that she was completely unaware that I was in reality just a few steps behind her, on the parallel side of the street. As she neared the grocery store, I half expected Ricki would go in, but she didn’t. She continued on without a backward glance.
And a few mornings ago, she was ready for school a few moments early, and eagerly sat down to do a puzzle that she liked. I mentioned that she would need to go down soon. Ricki paused, and commented: “I don’t have time for this now…” And without further a do, she put it aside, and gathered up her stuff for school.
So along

The Life That You COULD Live

Most People have some challenge, of one type or another. Some we can act to improve, and those that we can’t do anything about, we can act to learn how to live with the situation. In any case, we are able to take action to improve on our quality of life.
All of us have character defects. These also just won’t disappear on their own. Our character will improve only if we take a pro-active action to work on our personality.

Angry people need to work on anger.
People who believe in the need to pray may need to increase the concentration that they bring to the effort.
Overweight people need to start their three-pronged program.
The problem is, KNOWING that we need to do something will not necessarily lead to doing it. But at some point, a person has to realize that if he does not, will not, take charge of his life, he will miss out on the life he COULD be living.
Time does not stand still. It keeps flowing. Our lives are slipping through our fingers second by second. Let us take charge while we can, and reap the type of life we aspire to.

The Jewelry Heist

As I have mentioned earlier, Ricki has a tendency to haul TONS of stuff around with her. Her school made a campaign , originally to bring all that she needed in ONE bag, but very quickly that became, somehow, only a campaign to bring what WAS needed at school.
So at periodic intervals I go through her bags, separating the “grain from the chaff” , insisting on the amount taken being limited to two bags.
What is AMAZING are the things she deems necessary to take. First, any newly made craft, or new disc, or new photo or possession needs to be taken to school to “share” (ie, show off) to her classmates. But not just one day: she will take on a continuing basis until I put a stop to it.
But what was MOST surprising was the day I inspected her bags and found some of my (good) jewelry within…..

Special Exposure Wednesday- Golden Oldie #3

[imgage: Ricki , age almost 4, feeding a chick]

This is a picture from nearly twelve years ago, when Ricki was almost four years old. She is BRAVELY dropping some food to the tiny chick living in the carboard box. Mind you, it took her about five minutes to get up the courage to do it....

You can find more of "Special Exposure Wednesday" HERE.

Who Is Strong?

Our Sages ask: “Who is strong?” And they answer: “He who conquers his evil inclination.”
In today’s “feel-good” society, we don’t hear too much about conquering evil impulses. Instead, society feeds us with an expectation that we should run after lust, fame, and money… and food. Oh, they will talk about dieting, but “Jumbo size” , “king Size”, belies all that.
But our wise men say “No. You can be strong.”
So how do we become strong enough to fight our urge to overeat (or do anything else)? Just exactly the same way you become physically strong: by exercise. But rather than exercising with weights and barbells, we want to exercise our spiritual muscles. One “No” at a time.
So say “No” to your bad urges today, and be strong.

Little Miss “I Can Do It Myself”

Ricki today noticed that there was some water accumulating on the bottom of the fridge. This happens a lot by us, as hot humid air enters the fridge when the door is opened, and as it cools that water vapor condenses.
So Ricki gathered a few rags and dried it up, as she has seen me do numerous times.
She also hung out wet laundry on the clothes line, saying “I can di it myself.”
And she can!

The Suitcase Lock

As I mentioned in a previous post Ricki had not discovered after the Passover holiday my new place for storing bread, and therefore was eating CONSIDERABLY less. (Suddenly we went from a “buy-2-bread-daily family to a one-bread-daily one.)
Well, the inevitable happened: on Thursday she found the bread-shelf. And her consumption promptly resumed “bread-monster”-devouring proportions!! So I bought a suitcase lock (that works with setting a number code), and a small chain. Now she is locked out! I just couldn’t envision myself allowing her to return to her previous consumption level…..

Happy Lag B'Omer!

Lag B'Omer is here!In this first image you can see several bonfires burning in the lot a minute away from our house.









The shul below us (their building is connected to ours....) lights every year-- which makes for easy viewing, but LOTS of smoke!
[image: Lag B'Omer bonfire]

SOOC Saturday

[image: a pretty lovely flower next to a power-line pole.] Flowers growing from cracks in the sidewalk are usually stomped on before they get too big.... But this tall fellow found a safe haven next to a power-line pole! You will find more of SOOC HERE.

DELETE

Ricki used the computer yesterday. Then, in the evening I sat down to write my blog for today. But where was the file? All three and a half megabytes were in the recycle bin. YIKES!
In addition, there where 68 documents waiting in the line for the printer (actually, 2 documents each waiting for 30+ copies…..). Luckily the printer (which I always keep nearly empty for just this reason) was out of paper. I have already set up a separate user name for her, but many of her disks don’t work well on her section. So I end up letting her use mine, wishfully thinking “Well, come on, what will she do already?”

Now I know.

Walk With Me To Jerusalem!

[image: Pilgramige to Jerusalem]









I am planning to make a goal challenge on Walker Tracker (see sidebar) to walk (virtual walk) from the Tel Aviv area to Jerusalem for the Shavuot Holiday! (in the days of the Temple, people from all over Israel walked to the Temple for the holidays.)You are all invited to join me. Click on the sidebar ( "Join Me on Walker Tracker") to join, and when I creatate the competition I will send you an invitation to join the group "Walking" to Jerusalem.(If you already are on walker tracker, leave your user name from there in the comments to this post.)

The Three Plans

I noticed on Tuesday on America’s MSNBC news an article about how people who have lost weight are often disappointed with their lives, resulting often in regain of the weight. I quote:
“In a small study presented at The Obesity Society’s annual scientific meeting last year, researchers identified several key elements that lead to weight gain after weight loss surgery. A recurring theme from the study participant interviews and questionnaires was that weight loss could lead to disappointment. In turn, disappointment — whether from the amount of weight lost not meeting a patient’s expectations or that weight loss didn’t fix their problems — can lead to chronic frustration and weight regain, the bugaboo for all folks who have managed to shed pounds. …….While the study focused on those who'd had bariatric surgery, the findings can be applied to those who lost weight through diet or exercise as well, says lead author Lee Kern, clinical director for Structure House, a residential weight loss facility in Durham, N.C. …..‘Anecdotally, patients say they feel better and are happier and studies support that,’ says obesity researcher Dr. Charles Burant, director of the University of Michigan’s Metabolomic and Obesity Center. ‘[Weight loss] puts a spring in people’s step. But to say it puts a strut in their step might be going too far.’”

Reading this can give one pause. Why should I lose weight if I am not going to be happier as a result? The answer is, obviously, that NOT losing weight will lead eventually to further health problems and a possible earlier death. To me, that is certainly reason enough. I am hoping that as I lose my knee pain will get better. What this study is saying, is that I can’t assume that all my problems will disappear if I loose weight. My knee pain will probably get better. It may not disappear altogether.
I suspect that the statistics (of those satisfied with weight loss) for people who exercise regularly will be better. People who exercise and lose are going to feel better than the person who simply had surgery. First, exercise pumps our system with endomorphines, and secondly, the self-esteem that comes from sticking to a plan can not be obtained through surgery.
The bottom line of the MSNBC article is:
“The message is straightforward: focus on the positive aspects of weight loss, such as health and mobility improvements and increased energy. ‘It’s the benefits over time that are important,’ says Structure House’s Kern. ‘The dream life is fantasy, whether you’re fat or skinny.’”
Actually, what they are saying has already been said by Jeane Eddy Westin in The Thin Book . She mentions that to lose weight successfully, we need a three-pronged plan:
-a correct eating plan
-an exercise plan
-a mental attitude plan

We need to learn to value ourselves for all our good attributes (not in SPITE of being fat, either…). We need to want to lose weight for our health and well-being, not for what others think of us. We need to be able to allow ourselves to be imperfect at times, and to set aside time for ourselves. [For example, part of my weight-losing plan is my weekly ceramics class. I don’t have to loose weight to “deserve” it. I am allowed fun, because everyone needs something fun (NOT FOOD) in their lives.]
So if you are trying to lose weight, make sure that you are moving forward on all three fronts.

Special Exposure Wednesday-The window-washer

[image: Ricki cleaning our window with cleaner and a rag]
Ricki has been a real pest for the last few days. She has been in a "lets see how to irk/disobey Mommy mood, and it has taken a lot of effort on my part to draw lines at incorrect behavior. Today I decided to be a bit proactive. After lunch, I informed Ricki that she was going to learn how to clean windows, so that she can clean her windows when she is an adult. She actually enjoyed the task (as I thought she would, and for once in the last few days we had some positive interactions.
But when I informed her that the BEST thing to clean windows with is newspaper, she was incredulous! She didn't believe me, until she tried some and saw that I was correct!
You will find more of Special Exposure Wednesday HERE.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Every society has its stories. From fables of Aladdin to Johnny Appleseed, who doesn’t love a good tale? And of course, we all know that any story, particularly those that we tell children, will have a good and happy ending. (In stories, last week’s atrocity of bystanders leaving a man to die on the street, without even thinking to call 911, would never happen…).
Did you ever wonder how these tales affect the way we look at life? For example, when something “bad” happens to us, illness strikes, a loved one dies… our first reaction is generally disbelief, and the feeling that “it wasn’t meant to be like this…” Somehow, we expect our lives to play out like a “happy ending”, with all tribulations easily taken care of within the two-hour period that a movie lasts.
And what about the way we look at ourselves? In legends, the hero has the ability to solve all problems. In the end, everyone but thee villain will be happy and content. But in real life, we can’t always make it so: our special-needs child (and “regular” one too) are still susceptible to attacks on the street, aging parents will not always have the finances to help grown children who are struggling through a tough period, and real parents are sometimes too tired to be the so-wise-so-patient parent that abound in our stories. And when was the last time you saw an overweight heroine in a movie? In fables, heroes are perfect, and we often expect ourselves, as people, and as parents, to be so as well.
And finally, what about the stories we tell OURSELVES, within our mind? There, will we believe in our ability to change and achieve? Or are we (as many do) assuming failure, inability, and stagmentation?
So today, let us accept that life is not always a fairy tale, and acknowledge ourselves as imperfect creatures. NOT that this allows us to stop trying. If you have a special-needs child that needs to learn about “stranger danger”, so make a plan when and how to do that. And if you are on a diet, make an eating/exercise and stick to it. [And if you have trouble with sticking to the plan, you may need to revise it. See HERE and HERE.] Even if you succeed only 90%, well that’s pretty good. Can we, WITHOUT INSISTING ON PERFECTION, envision ourselves as dealing with our troubles and difficulties, in a positive, productive way? So make yourself a hero- a believable, normal everyday hero- TODAY.

Yikes! You are all going to think that I am a pessimist, obsesed with death. I am not. (REALLY!)
But Friday morning I heard that a friend (my age, under my weight, but not thin) had died. My first suspicion was that her death was weight-related. So today when walking in her neighborhood, I stopped to check if the death notice gave any hint of whether the deceased had a chronic illness,died in an accident, etc. I gather from the notice that she probably had cancer. AS IF THAT MEANS BEING OVERWEIGHT IS LESS OF A DANGER, HUH?
But I got a second message from the picture: See the lovely red blooms from the overhanging plants? Well, there are hard days (death notice); there are easier days (flowers). Both are part of life. So if you are having a hard day, just hunker down and wait for the flowers to bloom.
Post-note:
       As someone commented, Meirav was indeed a very special person, although I knew her in a rather passing way. I do know that she was the instigator of a high school course teaching future music teachers to work with children who have special needs.

My Dear Daughter, So Mature/Immature

Sometimes Ricki seems almost schizophrenic, not in personality or mental state, but in the erratic nature of her maturity. Thursday was a perfect example.
I was incredibly busy on Thursday. Expecting extra guests on Friday night and Saturday morning, I darted out of the house, planning to combine my hour health walk with a trip to the cheapest supermarket sandwiched in the middle. But I did not take into account my nature to be an exacting comparative shopper, nor the crowds that are normal on Thursday in the grocery store, especially in the month after Passover. I reached the checkout counter rather late, and the lines at all the cashiers were absolutely huge. When I finally reached the cashier, an old gentleman from the line next to mine swooned in a near faint, and naturally all business ground to a halt as the staff of the store took charge of the situation. Finally I got out of the store and home, but by then the morning was shot. This meant that my tasks for the day had not gotten done, and if I wanted the house to look normal for my arriving guests on the marrow, I would have to be organized, and exert maximum effort and time. The problem was, Ricki had a swimming lesson scheduled for that afternoon, eliminating another good chunk of time. Thus the idea was hatched.
What idea? I decided that Ricki, having been prompted by me several times to undress/dress on her own before and after class (my having done this in order for her to be able “some day” to go swimming on her own) - was ready to attempt it in real life, without Mommy hovering in the wings. I took her by taxi to the pool**, sent her in alone, and continued by taxi to do a few necessary errands.
I returned to the pool a few minutes after her class ended. The teacher was full of praises for my daughter. She had behaved admirably, and had managed entirely on her own. Such maturity!
Then from the pool, Ricki joined me as I ran to do a final errand in the shopping district. As we were walking to my destination, Ricki requested that I purchase a cassette tape from a store just ahead of my destination. I refused, having decided that Ricki really needs to learn that not every trip to the shopping mall will result in a purchase of extraneous items for her. We reached our destination, and when my back was turned, Ricki disappeared. I was not really that scared. We were about a seven minute walk from home, and Ricki knows the way back perfectly. I figured that she was bored, and went home, but I would of course call home in a few minutes to check (and to inform my husband to talk to Ricki about leaving without notifying me….).
Than my cell phone rang. A woman called me, saying that she had found Ricki. Ricki had given her the phone number at home, and my husband had supplied her with my cell phone number. Within moments, Ricki had rejoined me, and we started the walk to home.
As we strode forward, Ricki inquired if I had any special activities planned for the evening, and stated that she had some nice tapes she wanted to hear. Then she added “I don’t want to show you.”
Sudden realization of what had transpired over the last few minutes hit me with a thud. Ordering my daughter to open her swim bag, I discovered three cassettes and two CDs. I had to return them to the store, only glad that I had not only discovered the theft, but had not returned all the way home before doing so.
My "schizophrenic" daughter: so mature/immature. It simply floors me…..

**This is a private pool with a private teacher; there was no chance of her running into strangers without women who know her being present.

SOOC Saturday/Sunday -Living on the Brink

[images: a Raven eating a bird carcass in the middle of the street.]


I caught this image while out walking. At first I took from a distance.I noted that every time a car approached, the Raven would fly away at literally the last minute, promptly returning when the "coast was clear". Then I came closer, trying to get a close-up, but the bird was apparently more scared of me than he was of the cars, so he stopped mid-meal. So after several minutes of trying to catch a close-up, I backed off a bit, until he returned.
Now why did I post this gory picture? Not just to have what to post. Oh no. We who are overweight, may think that we are not as stupid as the raven, who is striving to finish his meal on a busy street. He is living "on the brink". And so are we. If we stray from our eating plan, risking our health (and life) for a piece of tasty cake, or some ice cream, are we not also tempting fate?

PS. Can you imagine the stares I got as I was attempting to get this close-up? When the raven was away, it looked like I was simply trying to photograph the carcass.I mean, who in their right mind photographs bird carcasses?????

Find more of SOOC (Straight out of the Camera) HERE.

Special Exposure Wednesday-the Trip , and Russian menus.....

[image: Ricki holding purse.]

Ricki went on a trip yesterday, along with a friend from her former gradeschool. This young lady does a lot of volunteer work with special-needs children, and whenever there is a trip, she tries to arrange for Ricki to join in the fun.
Ricki took her camera (I can't post the pictures she took, as I am sure that her friend would object to having her photo on the net), and took several pictures (including friends, highways, and close-ups of her nose.....). [I only upload to my computer the normal pictures....] This picture her friend took of Ricki.
When I opened the camera to upload the photos, I discovered that Ricki had managed (somehow....) to change the menu language to Russian. It took me a bit of time to fiqure out where to change it back. If it had been any language with words similar to English, it would have been easier, but Russian, being written in a different alphabet all together, was problamatic. Luckily there were pictures of flags by the language command, so I was able to fiqure it out. [But for once, I realized the frustration that non-English reading Israelis must feel with all the electronic menus in English.....]

Finally, a Morning at Home

Today being Israel's independence day, Ricki has off from school.
AHAH!
Ricki is home on a weekday morning, not Shabbas! So, even though she is going on a trip later today, I spent an hour with her organizing her stuff, putting stuff away, as well as packing for the trip. ["No, Ricki, you will NOT take your photo album on the trip!"][She would take half the house with her if I let her. She is learning VERY slowly that we take to other places ONLY the items we NEED.] The opertunity to orfanize her things was a G-d-send. Now my living room is MUCH less cluttered.

Remembrance Day

In Israel, Remembrance Day, when the fallen soldiers of the country are mourned, is much more observed than memorial day in the US. First, rare is the family that does not have a son, a cousin, a neighbor, or a close friend of the father who has passed on in a war. We are a small country, and the toll has been high. And since nearly every family has some member in reserve duty at least (if not active duty), the unspoken fear of wives, fathers, and mothers hovers in our consciousness.
Thus, the general “custom” of standing at the time of the memorial sirens is very much observed, and woe to he who does not stand. There is a problem here, however, in that the chareidim (ultra-orthodox) do not generally stand; reportedly because the standing is a non-Jewish custom. This has caused a great antagonism against them, especially since many chareidi families have sons who do not serve. And this backlash is rather understandable.
I have my own way of showing respect: when the siren sounds, I recite psalms. I feel that a deed in the memory of the soldiers is worth much more than just standing. I think it would be nice for today to try and do a good deed for some else, in memory of those who gave so much for their country and people.
PS. Last Monday, when I pointed out to my ceramics teacher and to Ricki’s dance teacher (both of whom are NOT “religious”, let alone chareidi) that the next class would fall on Remembrance Day, both insisted that the class would be held as usual. I was rather surprised, as both of these are “fun” activities.
I guess when one’s livelihood is affected, it is harder to “toe the line”.
[But if I had been the teacher telling non-religious people that class would be held as usual, who wants to bet that they would have accused me of not caring?]

SOOC Saturday (night) - The Old and the (not to be Equated) Discarded

[image: 3 chairs]
The chair on the left is one of several recently installed on our city sidewalks for use by the elderly (it has engraved on it part of the verse instructing us to respect the elderly - Leviticus 19:32). When I was out walking earlier this week, I noticed two additional chairs, waiting for the garbage disposal. This moring the additional chairs were alreay gone....
[You'll find more of SOOC HERE.]

Ricki’s Unexpected Diet

As I have mentioned before, Ricki LOVES bread, and can devour numerous slices at a sitting. I do my best to stop her, but this is a task requiring GREAT vigilance. But since Passover, Ricki has, unexpectedly been eating moderately.
No, she hasn’t decided to diet. She simply doesn’t know WHERE the bread is. My new kitchen has two shelves built in under the work bench, which didn’t exist in my old kitchen. So Ricki doesn’t even THINK about looking there for the bread. We are cautious to make sure that she doesn’t see us taking bread in or out, and are hoping to get her used to a new way of non-eating.

One Day, One Hour at a Time

I woke up on Wednesday morning on “the wrong side of the bed”. I really don’t know why. I had gotten a pretty good night’s sleep and Tuesday evening I had taken “an evening off”, having decided that I needed some R&R, and that ALL the tons of things I need to “get to” could wait.
So by all rights, I should have woken up rested, refreshed, and “rarin’ to go”. But I somehow, wasn’t.
Than I saw Ricki scoot by me with a bottle of drink hidden behind her back. Understanding that the bottle was being hidden for I reason, I insisted on examining it, and discovered that she had pilfered soda drink (which I only allow on Shabbas (the Sabbath) from the newly-arrived supermarket delivery carton. I insisted that it be returned, and helped her prepare a low-calorie alternative. After that, we had a few other squabbles over her breaking certain rules, but I held my ground, and she, with sulky resentment, capitulated. I sent her down to meet her ride, waved at her from the window (getting a smile and wave in return), and went to drink my second cup of coffee.
As I drank, I tried to analyze my mood, its causes, and come up with a solution. I was concerned, as my gut impulse reaction was to nosh. Get that energy level up. Feel good… temporarily. But my mind was screaming at me: “NO! You are NOT going to do that, you KNOW you don’t want to walk that path.” My second choice would be to put on some music, but for religious reasons, that option is also out for another two weeks.
Maybe I’ll call a friend? And burden THEM with my bad mood???? No.
Go out walking!! That will get your mood up!
Probably. But soon, not yet.

In the end, I puttered a bit around the house. I mulled over a comment left on Monday’s post: “She'll always control your lives in a way her siblings don't and won't”. And I decided while maybe it has a grain of truth, in the end it is not true. Eventually she will be in a group home, in all probability. I will be concerned with her, always, but that is true of Ricki’s siblings as well. And in the meantime, yes, she is a handful, but as this morning showed, she can be held to limits if I use a firm hand.
Eventually, within the hour, my mood lifted. I have often found that just waiting a bit of time, and going on with life, can help grey moods. As they say in Alcoholics Anonymous, "Just Keep on Keeping On". So whether it's a diet, a problematic kid, or simply tons of stuff waiting to get done, Give it time. Take life as it comes, a day, and an hour, at a time.

Special Exposure Wednesday-Golden Oldie #2

This is a picture of Ricki in Kindergarden, listening to a story.

Find more of "special exposure Wednesday HERE.

"I Don’t Want to Speak….”

I mentioned previously that there is a rather bossy and overbearing young lady in Ricki’s class at school. (After that previous incident, Ricki and I had a long talk about who she needs to listen to, and who not...) I have even heard, with great satisfaction, Ricki telling her over the phone, “You’re not my mother.”
Recently, another mother from the class mentioned to me that her daughter also has problems with this older girl, and that she suspects that the classmate might sometimes get pushy physically.
So I investigated, quizing Ricki: “Does S____ever touch you?”
“No.”
“Does she ever push your classmates?”
“I don’t want to speak slander….”

There is a lot of emphasis in our school system about not speaking slander, this being a prohibition in the Bible.("Don't be a tale bearer....") I wish there was MORE of an emphasis about personal space!

“I’M The Boss Here”

Whenever Ricki acts sassy, my husband will rhetorically ask, “Who is the boss here, you or me?!??”. So it was no big surprise to me when Ricki suddenly announced yesterday evening at the dinner table, in a moment of self-assertion, “I’m the ‘boss’ here!”
I laughed, and commented, “Ricki as long as your father and I are controlling the money, I think we are the ‘boss’.”
But she didn’t understand (or didn’t care to), and just reiterated: “I’m the boss!”
“Well, Ricki,” I replied, “you ARE the boss-of your body. No one is allowed to touch you without your permission.”
I mean, she DOES need to know that she IS the boss there! Let her feed that self-assertion where it will be useful!

Enough Sleep….

Ricki has been getting, in general, more sleep lately. I have been warning her every evening when her bed time is imminent, and making sure that she gets into bed on time.
Lately Ricki has been behaving better.
Is there a connection? For sure.

Now, I have to work on MY lack of sleep.

Maybe I should import MY Mom…...
Maybe I should make my health a bigger priority????

Going Away for Passover??? / The "Easy" Option

All of a sudden, all the family members who did not help me before Passover are “suggesting” that next year we “go away” to a hotel for the holiday. They are intimidating that the expense will not be that much greater, and my life will be a lot easier.
Well, first of all, the expense of going away would be considerable, and I doubt very highly that the expenses of the home-grown holiday are anywhere NEAR those of a hotel for the holiday. But I have many other reasons to prefer staying home.
1. My grown sons, who are nor religious, would never join us in a chareidi (ultra-orthodox) establishment. So if I make Pesach (Passover) at home, they eat kosher-for-Passover, which they wouldn’t otherwise.
2. The nicest part of the holiday is having my children and grandchildren as quests. Why should I give up my holiday pleasure?
3. Cleaning for Passover gives the house the cleaning it usually desperately needs….

Just because some people are feeling guilty is no reason for me to go away for Passover.
Ah, you say “It would be easier…”?
Yes, it would.
But who says I want easy?

Dieting isn’t easy.
Raising Ricki isn’t always easy.
Raising her siblings SURE wasn’t easy.
Being honest isn’t always easy.

Lots of things are not easy. But “easy” isn’t always the best. Not by a long shot…..

So if they suggest again going “away” for the holiday, I will have to say “Definitely NOT”

The Thrown-Away Earring

The main gift I bought Ricki for Passover was a necklace and two earrings made of colored crystals. The second I noticed this set in the shop, I realized that Ricki would LOVE it, and purchased it despite the slightly inflated cost. And I was not wrong about her loving the set. She chose this set to wear all Passover, every single day. But on one of the last days, I noticed Ricki throwing one of the earrings into the trash. On questioning her why in the world she was doing so, she replied that the other half of the pair was missing. I warned her that we would undoubtedly find the missing piece eventually, and then she would be sorry for having thrown this one out. She did not listen to me, and I did NOT fetch the earring from the trash. I decided to let her “live and learn”. Now we found the missing piece of jewelry, but Ricki seems rather complacent about it all. Now I am regretting letting the first half of the pair go to the dumpster, it’s a shame on the money, and it seems that Ricki didn’t learn a thing…….

A Fresh Start, A Renewal

I was out walking yesterday, and found out (no big surprise) that the last three weeks have left me fatter and more out-of-shape.
Passover is considered a “time for renewal”. But I am hoping that this post-Passover season will be. As we step back from the hectic days that have passed, we have a chance to make choices that will enable us to live the way we want to: healthily, caring for others, and coming closer to G-d.
Update: This morning I walked further, faster, and with more ease. The thing is to get out and DO what you have to, and let the hard things grow on you AS YOU DO THEM. I saw a lovely quote once. A lady exercised every day. She had a piece of paper , written on it: "One day you are not going to be able to do this. Today is NOT that day!"

Special Exposure Wednesday- the Dancer-Actor

A few weeks ago I caught several pictures of Ricki dancing to the soul-searching HiSheAmdah music I love:




You can find more of "special exposure Wednesday HERE:
http://www.5minutesforspecialneeds.com/3449/special-exposure-wednesday-31/#comment-285218

Post-Passover

Well , Passover is over (even if my kitchen isn't completely reorganized yet, and today I am planning to re-start walking and watching my diet!
Also, the late sleep-in mornings are finished; Ricki returns to school today! I think she was a bit bored at the end of Passover (no grandkids around the last few days), and she is more than happy to be returning to school....

Mid-Pesach (Passover) Post

Ricki has been weathering Passover rather poorly. She has bad stomach upset (probably from downing her Matzot too fast, without chewing them), and unlike those who left Eygpt, she has lice. (A VERY treatment-resistant lot, I hate to add….)

And now a list of low-calorie (relatively) things to spread on matzah:
White cheese
Cottage cheese
Grilled eggplant mixed with a BIT of mayonnaise or oil
Soft-boiled egg
Horseradish with beets
A bit of grilled salmon blended with a BIT of mayonnaise.

I have all of these available.
So G-d I ask you (tongue-in-cheeck-question),
Why do (homemade) chocolate spread and butter taste SO MUCH better????

And how am I supposed not to overeat when I am 90% of the holiday standing in the kitchen?
I am praying I break even and didn’t gain. Whether I did or not, Passover will soon be over, and hopefully I will be back to normal soon.

PS .Passover has been GREAT! 2 sets of grandkids were here for the first day, and today more are arriving!

"Full of Germs"

Ricki is still throwing things whenever she suspects that she might get away with it. (ie, unless I warn her in advance NOT to throw it). On Friday I saw a newly-thrown apple core next to the computer and called her over. “But it has worms* and is full if GERMS!” she countered.
That didn’t help her. I made her pick it up anyway, germs or not…..

*(it didn’t)

Catch-Up

Well, preparing for Passover has left me NO time for the computer. Tonight I am finally logging on, simply too tired to work. I will continue tomarrow. Basically I am done, just a few odds and ends to do, and catching up on cooking. I am going to sleep late- but at least am sleeping in (until 7:30???).

13 Days Left…..

My title has my Jewish readers (if any are left at this point in the frantic days leading up to Passover….) scratching their heads in bewilderment. After all, there are only (after today) 4-and a-half days left until we reach the seder* evening, houses hopefully chometz-free**, and festive holiday foods bubbling on the stove. The amount of work involved is tremendous, and there is little else dominating our thought this morning.
But this morning, I discovered luxury. I awoke at the normal time (6:40 AM), and remembered that Ricki has no school today. That means no bus to catch. So I turned over and slept another hour.
I have 13 more I-decide-when-to-get-up mornings left until Ricki returns to school after Pesach (Passover).

*seder evening: the first night of Passover, the seder is held, a festive recitation of the exodus from Egypt.
** chometz-free: before Passover, we empty our houses of all leavened bread and product ("chometz")

Magic Marker Monday- Prayer Book Cover

[image: prayer book cover on flowered chair.]
When Ricki started her new school, I was told that the arts and crafts teacher guives them nice, "grwn-up" projects to do. Well, that CERTAINLY is true! This praqyer-book ciover is what Ricki came home with last week, Don't ask me how she made it; I have NO idea!
You can find more of "Magic Marker Monday" HERE.

SOOC Saturday-The Story-Teller

Pictures: Ricki reading a story to one of her puppets.

Find more of Straight Out of the Camera at the button below:

The “Hidden Garbage Can”

I’ve mentioned several times how Ricki often throws stuff behind chairs, etc. Yes, for almost a year we have been calling Ricki to pick up her trash and she is STILL throwing it..... )
Well, this is what I found behind a chair I had swept behind just a few days previously. Note the bread.
Maybe I need to do some type of prize/reward system, since a year's worth of natural consequences just isn't "doing it."
How in the world will my house be kosher for Passover if Ricki throws bread into every nook and cranny???????

Like Any Older Child: Reading in Bed _Special Exposure Wednesday

SHECHEYANU **

For those of you following our kitchen saga* (see HERE and HERE).

SHECHEYANU!!! I FINALLY have a functioning kitchen with ALL of the following:
running water, pipes IN the walls, and full set of cabnits, and filler between the tiles. My kitchen is fundementally done.


* In short, a year and a half ago, the pipes in my kitchen where exchanged to runs running out a window, not yet imbedded in the wall. And in early January work started in my kitchen to redo it.
** "Shecheyanu " is a blessing thanking G-d for letting us reach this time and date. It is uaually said on certauin festive occaisions.

Intimidation

Today my husband was sitting in the window waiting for Ricki to arrive home from school. She was late, and he was worried. Suddenly we received a phone call, from “R”, the activity director from Ricki's former afternoon program (which Ricki decided she didn't want to attend).

“Did you know that Ricki is here?" She querried.

So I went to fetch Ricki, who had NOT really wanted to go, but had been intimidated by a classmate to do so.(Apparently this classmate is rather overbearing and bossy.)
Which shows just how vulnerable Ricki is.
IKES!

Special Exposure Wednesday- The Chef!

Ricki frying an egg:





Find MORE of "Special Exposure Wednesday HERE.

She gave Herself License…..

I was planning today to write about how Ricki hasn’t stolen borekas for a whole week or so. Progress. (GRIN) Real progress.
Don’t worry- she didn’t.
But imagine my happy balloon deflating as I saw Ricki extracting my VERY EXPENSIVE camera from her school bag this afternoon. In the morning I had caught a shot of her frying an egg (I’ll post it tomorrowhopefully), although by the time I had fetched the camera, the shot was not as good as what I had wanted to photograph. Then I must have left it in sight, and Ricki simply gave herself permission to make off with it, and took some 50 pictures at school today.
I am only happy that the camera came back in one piece….and that she isn’t (hopefully) stealing borekas.

Update:

Yes, it was definately easier keeping the diet today (after 6 hours of sleep) than yesterday!

This is a twenty-minute video , and is worth every minute!!! The speaker was born without fibula bones, and today is an athelete (and more). Her talk is on disability-society's view of disability, and the need to encourage in ourselves adaptability.

Have to Make a Change…..

Yesterday I did something I haven’t done for a LONG time. I binged. I was working hard, tired (not enough sleep), and just ate and ate and ate.
But the thing is not to be angry at myself. I have to analyze what happened (too little sleep….), and make an appropriate change. Hopefully I will update with the results!

Reminiscences

On Friday evening Ricki and I took a stroll after the evening meal. She was actually in a good mood, not complaining too bitterly that the walk had become rather extended. Suddenly, she asked me:
“What was it that I made in Gan (preschool)?” She went on to describe a craft she had made and brought home, wanting to discover the correct word for it. Than she went on with her reminiscences. She dug up from her memory the name of her first grade teacher, and laughed about something that had happened a few years back. It was as if I could “see” her memory working, stretching.
I will have to call her first grade teacher and tell her that she was remembered…..

The Carpetbagger

Ricki has a tendency to look like a carpetbagger: someone carrying their life’s holdings in some bags. Each day as she goes to school, she assembles TONS of “must-take” stuff. It becomes, in practical terms, her school bag PLUS two other bags full of junk.

I used to fight with her about it, but lately haven’t, as she would generally not want to give in, and fighting only made her miss her car.
Now her teacher wrote that they are making a campaign with prizes for Ricki, to only bring ONE bag to school. What can I say? As I wrote the teacher: “I am VERY VERY pleased…..”

Special Exposure Wednesday- The Photographer

You can find MORE of Special Exposure Wednesday HERE. This is a picture I took of Ricki, busy taking photographs at her nephew's brit. And this picture below is one that she captured!(Of her sister bending over to talk to her baby.)

Progress

This morning Ricki wanted a fried egg, and discovering that there were no eggs in the fridge, she offered to go to the grocery to purchase some more. Although fearful that she would snitch borekas (even though the grocery man would keep an eye on her, and write them on the bill), I was very busy, and reluctantly agreed.
Guess what? She didn’t take any pastries, and the one candy she did buy (yes, without asking first) she did show the grocery man to write on the bill. This isn’t ideal, YET she felt very proud that she had not succumbed to the impulse to stuff herself in the store, and I guess that this is progress.

PAIN

My body “ain’t what it used to be”. While my knee pain has gone away (the only good side effect of having less time to walk, I guess….) my shoulder and arm have gotten much worse,. To the point that I have decided to return to the doctor.
Fat people don’t generally like going to doctors. We are told the terrible painful truth (that whatever ails us is usually our own fault….). And many doctors have trouble seeing the person below the overweight, and treating us as people.
So the fact that I am returning to the doctor is telling. More so is the fact that any movement past 45 degrees hurts my left arm, including simply holding a cup of coffee. (How I can clean for Passover like this is anyone’s guess…..)

Post-Purim Post

Sorry about the non-posting, but this is what I meant when I said a while back that I would be posting less until after Passover. I have had a hectic week. Work continued (finally!) on my kitchen last week, and on Friday morning we made a quick dash to Jerusalem and back, to join my oldest son’s celebration of his new baby boy’s birth (circumcision). Then Sunday was Purim, and tonight I decided I would do no more than clean up.
Purim was very nice. Soldier–son was here for most of the day, as well as his 2 younger (and non-religious) brothers. Also two married sons and their families dropped by. And, as usual, everyone got along FINE. I am so proud of my crew for loving each other and looking past labels.
Ricki was partly well behaved, having listened nicely to the megillah reading (of the scroll of Ester). She was more of a pest as regards the abundance of sweets, and needed firm reminders that she was not allowed to eat whatever she desired! Her niece was puzzled at some of her misbehavior. At age 4 plus, she knows that Ricki is older than she is, and was surprised that she could misbehave. She doesn’t yet realize that Ricki is “different”, but I suspect that she will realize within a year. At some point we take each grandchild aside and explain the situation, outlining the attitude we expect from them as well. This has worked well in the past.
So to those of you in Jerusalem (where it is still Purim), hope you have a happy and safe celebration!
[REMEMBER, NO drunk driving! (The wife of one of my married sons returned by bus to her house, as her dear husband “sleeps it off” on my sofa…….) (To those who don’t know, Purim celebration involves, generally, some consumption of wine…..)]

Watching her Like a Hawk…..

My husband and I have been united in a strong campaign over the last week: not to let Ricki steal. We watch her when she goes down for her ride in the morning (so that she not attempt an on-the-side-marathon to the nearby grocery store). My husband keeps watch when she returns, for the same reason. Yet somehow on Monday she slipped through: on arrival home her face was smeared with chocolate wafers (which the store owner displays on the sidewalk…..). This is giving me a headache. I didn’t agree to having a thief when I gave birth to this kid…….
So how come I understand that she should be able to control her sweet tooth, but somehow it is OK for me to snitch a slice of cake (or two…) from the freezer when I REALLY feel like it?
Color me guilty for the cake I had on Sunday…..
Then color me filled with new resolve.

The Place Where I Want to Be

I called my mother recently, and among other things she asked my how my diet and exercising are going. I had to answer truthfully: not so well. Over the last two months my weight has barely gone down, and my walking has also fallen, due to my crowded schedule.
Well, my Mom didn’t badger me.
She avoided criticism.
She just reminded me, with her question, of the place I want to be. And that was enough. Yesterday I stuck with the diet 100%
Where do YO want to be in a year? Are you on the path?

Hearing Aid…or Not?

The first year after Ricki received her hearing aid, she wore it most of the time. She didn’t always like it, but in general she used it. Last year she stopped wearing it, very insistently NOT wanting to wear it. Apparently the “screeches” it made whenever there was a loud noise disturbed her enough that she didn’t want to deal with it. Than two weeks ago, when she had a bad head cold, she suddenly decided one day to wear it, saying that she could not hear the computer. It could be that the promise of borekas pastry (my bribe to wear her hearing aid) helped in this regard, but previously it hadn’t, so that certainly was NOT the entire reason. After one or two days, she again stopped wearing the aid. It would seem that she knows VERY well when she can not hear, and will take action. I need to get her hearing retested; it could be that it has improved or changed somehow, and that the aid needs to be adjusted. (Why I didn’t do that a year ago, I don’t kinow…… and even now, it will probably get pushed off until after Passover…..)

All (Well, Almost All) Kids Steal (once)

It is well known that most children, at reaching a certain age of development , will steal. Once or twice. Usually they are inept enough that they get caught. Once caught they are generally punished (ie., made to return the stolen goods), and with one or two tries at thievery, learn that it just isn’t worth it.
It seems that Ricki is at that stage. Yesterday she stole a music CD from a local store, and a bottle of coke at another. On inquiring how she had obtained these items, she said that Miri, a friend of hers from last year, had given them to her.
“So why don’t we call Miri and check?” I suggested.
Ricki turned several shades of purple and admitted to stealing. We returned the disc, and she paid for the drink with the big pile of ten-agorot (3-penny) coins she had saved up in her “piggybank”.
So today, it wasn’t worthwhile for her. The big question is, since Ricki learns EVERYTHING slowly, just how long (and how many times) is this going to take????

A Conversation with Ricki ( reported to me by Ricki’s Sister)

Ricki: Why does O. (her nephew, a 2 month-old baby) only drink and not eat?
Sis: Because he has no teeth.
(Ricki doesn’t believe, so sis shows her. O’s gums are toothless.)
Ricki: So he has to go to the hospital right away with complete anesthesia, to get his teeth fixed!

“I’m Taking Gili to Gan”

Today Ricki missed her ride to school. She has been very “chutpahdik” (“contrary” is the closest I can get to this term….) lately. In general her attitude has been “I will do what I want unless forced not to”, irrespective of what I have told her. Nu, a typical teenager. So, having decided that she can not get away with this, I have been EXTRA careful in drawing the lines which she can not cross. This means that she will not get away with taking soda pop to school (it is reserved for the sabbath), she will not take soya patties either, etc. So I prepared a bottle of diet drink for her, and she (angry that I had not allowed her to take soda-pop “juice”) dumped it out, and was about to take the SAME drink! Oh NO. If you waste, you will not receive. So she was angry, pouting, and missed her ride. So, after waiting 15 minutes, I decided to let her walk to school. (It is not far and she knows the way.) I just wanted to watch from the window to be sure that she was not going to use these few minutes of non-supervision to go to the grocery store (and steal borekas).
I watched discreetly from the shuttered window, carefull that she should not realize that I was observing. She turned right, towards the grocery, but then crossed the street. She was heading for a small side street , and I had NO idea of why she was doing so. This side street is one that goes towards her school (and not the grocery), but it is NOT the normal way of going to school.
So I called out: “Ricki’ where in the world are you going?”
“I’m taking ‘Gili’ to Gan (kindergarden)”.

“Gili” is her imaginary foster- daughter. (“Gili’s mom was killed in an accident and she is very sick in the hospital….”)

Once upon a time I would have been TERRIBLY irked by this.
Once upon a time I thought that other children with Down syndrome do things like this, but my daughter won’t when she is a teen.

Why did I think that I was so much smarter than all those other moms before me?

[Post script: Just to balance this post out, keep in mind that this morning Ricki:
Took a bath on her own
Got dressed by herself
Combed her own hair
Organized her school bag
Prepared drink (in the end, water) ]

Special Exposure Wednesday- The Big Laugh

Last week I gave you Ricki with her nephew--today she is pictured with her niece. The niece is older than the nephew, and is engaging Ricki in "conversation". Great fun for both....
Find more of Special exposure HERE

Exercising Our Spiritual Muscles

Every time we do something that we know is right—but which is hard for us- we are exercising and strengthening our spiritual muscles. Whether it is refusing a snack we don’t need, getting out to walk after eating a heavy meal on Saturday, responding patiently to someone who has cut into line ahead of us, or turning off the computer and going to sleep on time…….
Doing the correct action affects our ability to choose properly. Each time we do the right thing, it makes it easier for us to continue in the path we have chosen.

Magic Marker Monday: Purim Masks for the Month of Adar

Today is the first day of the Jewish month of "Adar", and in two weeks we celebate Purim. So to start the fun, Ricki made Masks, from pre-cut colored paer, covered with black paint. She scaped off the black paint (with a small disposable wooden roasting stick), revealling the colors beneath. This is a fun and easy craft.

On Love, Valentines, and Ricki

[NOTE: “Valentines Day” is NOT a Jewish holiday, I am posting this rather apologetically…]



I grew up in Midwestern Illinois, and attended public school. Valentine’s day was duly celebrated each year of grade school as each of us made a decorated “mail box”, and we had to give everyone in the class a valentine. I am sure that the stationary stores loved the holiday. I am not so sure that I did. I was not that popular, and it was rather disconcerting year after year to feel my worth being measured by the type and beauty of the cards which I did/did not receive. [What in the world were educators thinking? That friendships would be fostered?????? And what about the romantic love implications, foisted on a group of young children?] All that Valentine ’s Day could have taught me is that we all desire to be loved, to be visualized as someone of worth, to be appreciated…..and it isn’t always all that painless. Also that lack of love, and rejection, can be an abraision or lesion on our fragile psyche.
To Ricki, I suspect that love and marriage seems easy and straightforward. (Any cognitively-impaired person who watches modern movies would think so. People meet, fall in love, kiss on the first date, and get married all in the space of two hours….) I generally don’t allow her to watch a lot of romantic stuff, but she has seen her older siblings getting married, and she is generally not privy to any prior knowledge until the relationship is definitely serious….. And she is certainly not a viewer of any of the difficulties, or the ups and downs that all couples invariably face.
But what would occur if Ricki would be engaged or married, and the relationship would sour? That would be difficult for her… as it is for all of us. Yet I would not advocate “no love” for the fear of a curdled relationship. Interpersonal relationships take a lot of work. And even if a couple is a solid, good one, people can change. People have disagreements. And these matters have to be faced if the relationship is to remain a solid and positive one. But a loveless life, a life where I am not really that important to anyone else on the planet, is horrific.
As Ricki behaves now, she could never maintain a lasting marriage. I hope that as she matures, she will learn to be more responsive to the feelings of others, to be able at times to let her own needs slide or be delayed for the good of someone else. And if she accomplishes that, I hope that we can help her find some young man who is suitable for her.** And after that, I would hope that there would always be someone ( I am thinking of one of her brothers….) who could help her deal with any of those inevitable arguments that couples have, and counsel the pair as needed. Because life without love is hard. But it is complicated as well……

[**readers might be puzzled that I would advocate "helping" Ricki find a partner, rather than letting her look herself. Keep in mind that in our society, match-making is the norm, and it generally works VERY well.]

The On-Going Saga of the Borekas (and Soft Drink and …..) Bandit

Ever since we started the “Borekas Campaign” my husband and I have been watching Ricki like hawks. When she leaves for school, and on her return, which are primetimes that the local grocery could be assailed, we try and keep an eye watching, to prevent any stealing on her part. The canmpaign will only work if it is the ONLY way to get borekas.
So Wednesday afternoon, my husband sat at the window, waiting to see if Ricki would come straight upstairs after exiting the taxi which brings her home from school. But she didn’t arrive by taxi. We called the taxi service, and they said that Ricki had refused to enter the car, and that her teacher had acquiesced, saying that I trusted Ricki to walk home alone.
Well, I DID allow her to walk home alone if she didn’t want to go to the afternoon activity center. But now (see yesterday’s post) that she is not going to the center at all, there is no reason for her to come home by foot.

(image: girl with “bright idea” lightbulb over her head….)
I realized VRY quickly that there WAS a reason, and the reason was that she knew that Dad would be watching her leave the car. [My G-d, where do those brain cells she uses to get borekas go when she is studying math?????] She arrived soon after, a few crumbs on her lips. But the grocery is closed at that hour. (They are open just until after she would arrive by taxi. If she comes by foot, she arrives too late for our grocery store.) So where did she get the “goods”? She was not telling. (“I dunno….”)
So later that day I took Ricki with me, and after running an errand, I took the bus to the stop next to the school. And we walked home together. And slowly (under threats of being computer-free for a month), Ricki told me what she had stolen (on her various walks home) from each food outlet, grocery store, and bakery on the way. The list was at least 5 items long, but at least all the store owners (except one*) cooperated nicely with us as we confessed and paid.
Ricki claims that she is finished with stealing. I told her she will take the taxi home in the future; one’s evil inclination has a tendency to gain the upper hand…..

* Storeowner: “Oh, she doesn’t understand, she didn’t mean it….” [Yes, Mister, if she didn’t, why was she feeling so guilty?? She is NOT THAT DUMB!!!!]

Mommy’s Afternoon Program

For years, Ricki has spent the afternoon with “Mommy”, doing homework, sometimes cooking together, and often, when I am busy, watching films on the computer.
About two months ago, I started sending Ricki to an afternoon program. The program is pretty good, and they are excellent with behavior issues. The only problem was that one mother from the group the Ricki which would have normally been put into decided that she doesn’t want Ricki in that group (for partially valid reasons), so Ricki was placed with a group of less-high functioning girls. The manager assured me that anyway most of the activities are geared to each teen’s individual level This would give me a break in the afternoons, and make it easier for me to work partime. The drawback is that I would have less time to study and do Life Skills with Ricki myself. However, since I don’t always make time for that, I decided to try it out.
All seemed to go well for a month or so. Ricki was upset that she was not with girls from her class, but seemed to enjoy the activities. Than suddenly, two weeks ago Ricki started refusing to go to the “activity center” after school. I figured that perhaps some of the activities were too childish, or that she had no real friends in the group. (She told me that she was not friends with different girls from the group who she might have befriended.) In addition, I decided that she should attend fewer days each week (something I had originally requested, but which city hall had initially blocked), since she is not used to being away from home so many hours each and every day. But her heart has been soured, and she is not interested in continuing.
I guess Mommy’s afternoon program got better rating from her. (At least I take her to an exercise club once weekly, so she is not completely isolated from her friends.) So, at least temporarily, I need to keep Ricki active in the afternoons, probably helping me Pesach clean……

An Open Letter to My Fellow Chareidi Community Members

I used to think that the prevalent anti-chareidi* sentiments in the non-religious Israeli society were a product of media bias. I am sure that it is a factor, yet I am equally sure that it is much more than that, and largely our own fault.
I am chareidi, yet some of my sons are not. One is currently in the armed forces in Israel, and another will be entering this summer. The talk about the inevitability of another war makes me uneasy. When I hear the Pesach song “V’Hi S’Amdah”, I inevitably send up a prayer to the One on High, that he protect my sons, and all of our sons, from the enemies surrounding us.
No, I do not believe that everyone should serve in the army. My son needs the zechus (merit) of our Torah** to stay alive; unfortunately he does not have this zechus on his own. I do not believe that we, as a nation, could have endured in the face of the odds against us, without the merit of the Torah study and observance of our religious communities.
But the current situation is such that we DO need an army, and our sons who are serving are putting their lives on the line for the sake of their country and the people within. My sons are willing to risk their lives in order that the average Israeli can generally ride the bus without getting blown up, and yes, so that your son can go to yeshiva rather than sitting in an air-raid shelter. And I, as a loving mother, have to learn to live day-by-day with the very real fear that maybe my son will not arrive home some day. This is not the worry you have when your child goes on a field trip and returns a bit late. It is a palpable, sinking sensation that you try to overcome and control, that creeps up on you time and time again, week after week. I assure you, that if you have no relative active in the services, you have no idea of what it is like. And how a mother without faith in G-d survives it, I do not know.
Yet, when my son arrives home, dressed in his fatigues, for shabbas, he gets very few smiles. He is instead the recipient of stares. And many of them are almost hostile. His total worth seems to be that of “non-religious”, and my community seemingly can not see beyond that label. Where is the gratitude that he is standing on duty so that your child can study? The recognition that he is doing something that you are glad that your son need not do? Why is he not seen as a fellow Jew deserving of a simple smile, nod of the head, or a whispered “My G-d watch over you”, rather than the scorning looks that he receives, as if he was a carrier of some terrible virus?
Think about it. How would you feel about the chareidi community if you were in his shoes, or in mine?

PS. This post is meant as a wake-up call. I do not intend to cause a chareidi-bashing blogging event. Please do not use this post's comments section to do a big bashing fest if you have your own issues with this community and you are not chareidi. Thank-you.

*Chareidi= the ultra-Orthodox community, most of whose sons have deferments from the Army
**religious studies

Special Exposure Wednesday-Ricki and nephew

Ricki's sister let her feed the baby a bottle the other day. If Ricki has a vision of heaven, this is probably pretty close to it......

You Get Exactly What You Work For….

My step count has been down somewhat as late. And even more telling is that my aerobic walking is way down. Most of my walking steps are to get from here to there, and not my lovely walking paths with good lung-enhancing uphill treks. This is all due to my very crowded schedule as of late, in an effort to finish off outstanding things that MUST get done, before I really get started with cleaning for Passover.
And, unfortunately, I am already noticing the effects. On Saturday afternoon the weather was excellent, so I went out for an hour’s stroll. I purposely included one of “my” hills, and I could see that my stamina was a bit less. There is simply no substitute for aerobic exercise.
So as I get busy with Passover cleaning, which will be keeping me very busy, I hope to fit in some aerobic walking, at least 2-3 times a week. I hope. But sanity (ie, enough sleep) takes precedence.

Maybe I Can Wake up in Three Years?

My soldier-son, home for a few hours, was helping his younger brother fill out his "request for unit to serve" questionnaire for the army.
-"Don't go there, that is full of rough-necks. And don't even give a “one” there, as NOBODY wants it, and if you give a one, they will gladly stick you there. Instead,...."
This younger son is determined to go into whatever is the most combative unit possible, so that he won't be "bored". What in the world?!? What being bored? If he has free time, he can study for his matriculation exams, as his brother currently is doing. I understand that he wants a combat unit; he feels that it is a job someone has to do. OK. But the MOST combative?
As I commented to soldier-son afterwards, "Doesn't he realize what he will be doing to me?" Sometimes I wonder if he is brave, or simply fool-hardy. Has the "modern warfare" game given him a feeling that he can just get up and do and go on, in the face of danger????? (My younger son denies this….) Maybe I can go to sleep for the next three years???? How in the world am I supposed to live with this? Yes, with pride that he is willing. And a prayer on my lips, that he not take unneeded risks. I know that he will mature in the army. He will be more dependable, more serious, and yes, probably more willing to study. So what do I do with the terrible fear that hurls itself at me like a dragon from the tournament at Hogwarts?

A Band-Aid Story

Ricki loves to apply band-aids to any minor scratch that she might have. Sometimes the “sore” is so miniscule that I can not even see it. Or it may be a type of closed-skin hurt that does not need a dressing at all. But in general, Ricki is adamant about applying the treatment, and that is that. Well, almost.
Afterwards, there is always the need to tell her to pick up the band-aid wrapper, which inevitably gets thrown on the floor. I am simply amazed that she has not yet realized that it is easier to throw the wrapper away herself, than waiting for me to insist that she return to the scene of the crime and dispose of it properly.
Anyway, the other day she really threw a “Plaster (Band-aid in Hebrew) Party”. She had applied at least twelve plasters to her hands, and, as per her custom, had left the outer papers strewn across the floor of her room. Of course I had her pick them up.
Than, a few hours later, she suddenly removed all her band-aids, and reapplied one to the one sore the warranted it. And she even, without my telling her, gathered all the used pieces of dressing up, and deposited them in the garbage. “Eureka!” I thought. “She is LEARNING!”
No chance. A day later the wrappers appeared on the floor tiles again, as usual….

SOOC Saturday-Apples

Straight Out Of (the) Camera Saturday (motzai shabbas, saturday night for me) is posted weekly at Melody's Slurping Life. Go check it out. Her pictures are usually stunning.
Hope you all have a good week!
[image: apples and pears close up, with part of a chair visable in the background.]

The funny Thing…..

As I wrote on Wednesday, under pressure to write daily, I had found “ I have reached the point that I am finding it harder to say things worth reading”. So, having decided to temporarily (at least) blog less frequently, what happened? All of a sudden, I thought of several good posts.
Possible explanations:
1. -the devil is helping me, so I can blog ad infinitum, ruin my health, etc., etc.
2. -it’s the “vacation effect” (explanation forthcoming)
3. -(most plausible answer) having gotten a good nights sleep on Wednesday, my mind was in “functional mode” on Thursday…..

And what is this “vacation effect”?
Many times with special children and teens, you can be working with them (on your own, or with a therapist) to try and reach some goal. It is immaterial if this goal is walking, speaking a full three-word sentence, learning to adjust the hot-water flow in the bath independently, etc. Sometimes you feel that you have been trying and trying…. And trying… and nothing seems to be going in.
So you switch gears. Change goals. Or the speech therapist tells you that she’s taking vacation next month. (And you are wondering if that is true, or if she is simply trying to drop your “not progressing” child…..) And… a week or two later… BOOM! Suddenly he is doing the long-sought-after goal, as if he has been doing it forever…..

This happens a lot.
What goes in DOES eventually appear.

Dear Readers

[image: a steaming cup of tea]
Dear Readers,
Please sit down and join me for a cyber-cup of tea.
Purim is coming, and Passover on its heels a month later. For those who don’t understand the implications of this, it means that these upcoming two months will undoubtedly be hectic ones for me. Orthodox Jewish housewives (like me) clean every corner of their houses before Passover, with a tendency to over-do than under-do.
And I have several outstanding things from before this that need to get done.
And if I want to loose weight I need to get enough sleep, and at least sometimes get out for aerobic walking.
I am sure you can see where this is heading: I have to cut down on the blog, at least for the next two months.
And actually, I am not sure that this is a bad thing. Having written 845 posts since November 14, 2007 (812 days), I have said a lot. And I have reached the point that I am finding it harder to say things worth reading. I feel that the quality of my writing has deteriorated, and I am straining to post daily. In addition, Ricki’s regular, everyday behavior is not all that interesting. [Yeah, reading how she got dressed, made an egg, etc, is interesting day after day….] But if I only write about her bad behavior, that will give everyone a VERY lop-sided view, which is hardly the purpose of this blog.
So, in short, I plan to stop posting daily, but do hope to improve the quality over what I have been dishing out as of late. For those who follow me by clicking on my address, I humbly suggest to pop in 2-3 times a week. Those who follow me through blogger will have it easier. Please bear with me, and I hope to still keep you as readers.
Have a nice weekend!

Making It Kosher….

When I was a child, one of my mom’s best dishes were part of our camping experiences: red kidney beans and ground beef. My mother used to concoct this on a “primus” camping stov. And I loved it.
As an adult I had tried to copy this dish, but had never succeeded. First I blamed the fact that I had used ground turkey. So I bought the more expensive ground beef instead. But the dish was still lacking. Finally, last summer, visiting my mom, I mentioned this. So then she informed me of her “secret” ingredient: bacon.
Well, my Mom can use bacon, but since I keep kosher, I can not. I laughed and told my mother: “Well, I don’t think I can copy the taste of that recipe, can I?”
But I did. Almost. I took some chicken skins (which I saved and froze last week just for this), and fried them to a crisp. Then I fried the onions and ground beef in that. An added bit of garlic and black pepper, and some salt, and the whole lot got thrown in with the cooked and drained red beans.
The result: a less-than-healthy dish, but a deliciously kosher food and wonderful memories of years gone by.

Mazel Tov! (??)

Ricki announced to me that “Gilli” is engaged.
“Gilli” is Ricki’s imaginary friend.
I gathered that some of the siblings of some of her classmates are getting married soon, so she decided, as “Gilli’s Mom” to join in the fun.
I keep reminding her that Gilli is not real, but she doesn’t like hearing that……

No Luck In the Kitchen

After a month, I am still waiting for the ceramic tiles I ordered for my kitchen to arrive. When I first heard that they were out of stock, but were one the way by ship, I calculated that there was still plenty of time to finish before Passover.
Then the tiles arrived early, but apparently the ship had some illegal merchandise, which is preventing the tiles from being released.
In short, I am getting rather used to working in half a kitchen, but that won’t work for Passover, so I am getting NERVOUS.

“Anything worthwhile in life”, my mother always said, “takes time and effort.” Good things, whether it is a good relationship with your spouse, a knitted sweater, good marks in school, or whatever---require imput of effort. Dieting, exercising, educating our children, etc, etc. Advertisments would like you to believe that you can get something for nothing, but it just doesn’t work that way. You get exactly what you put into it!