The Solution

    Ricki understands that she needs to have clean clothing. Unfortunately, she doesn't let that need stop her from rubbing her dirty hands on her clothing. So the other day she came up with a novel solution: She packed a second, spare blouse into her schoolbag. When her teacher warned her not to wipe her hands on her blouse Ricki replied: "Don't worry, I have a spare blouse….."

CPAP update

   Ricki's use of the CPAP is still touch and go... she doesn't like it, but we insist, and she usually falls asleep rather quickly. Eventually I go to bed, and then it is a matter of time before she half-awakes and rips it off. Then I get up in the middle of the night and replace it....

Home Again (from the Hospital)

   Yes, we were in the hospital again.  Since Sunday we have been in the hospital, again with respiratory issues. Apparently Ricki's non-compliance with wearing her CPAP is wreaking havoc, and I hope that she will wear it now. It has been made clear to her that wearing the CPAP is no longer an optional choice, but truly a necessity.

   Today she was discharged and I am looking forward to sleeping in a REAL BED tonight (rather than a reclining armchair).

   I was able to keep my diet in the hospital, and got minimum amounts of steps done (10,000 daily). [We were on the same floor as last time- without ICU-intensive care- and the staff is already used to me pacing the corridor back and forth at 10:30 PM and 6 AM……LOL]

She Has It Down Pat….

    Ricki came home from school, coming through the front door in a cloud of exclamations.

   "Mom, where are you? You must see this! I have the forms for camp! Come see!"

    The regular school year is almost over (already?!?). This will be followed by a summer program, which will include a one-night sleep-over ("camp").  Ricki has all the information down pat: where they get served lunch, which teachers will be there, what to pack, etc. She is VERY excited!

    When was the last time I was that excited? I guess when I went to visit my mother last summer. May we all have happy events to look forward to .

The "Gozal" ("Fledgling") Returns…..

     I don't know how it is to be a mother in a peaceful country… but I am sure the feelings are the same as here:  we feel better when our kids are around. Somehow we carry within, we women, the expectations that if danger lurks beyond our doorstep (whatever that danger might be), at least at home they are safe. Of course, this is also an illusion… even though dangers are less at home, nowhere does G-d guarantee us a respite from the challenges of life.

    But having our older children around, those who are married, and who come for a visit, or a visit from sons in the army (or out-of town schools), has an added bonus: the pleasure of watching them mature, act responsibly (well, MOST of the time!)…..you get a chance to see some of the results of all the education, tears, listening, etc that carried them through the first twenty years of their life.

   Unfortunately, my married children don't come all that often, for various reasons. But this week my youngest-army son ("Y") moved back home. For a while he had been living with his older brother, but that brother is now in the states, and "Y" decided to move back home.

   In a way, the change should not be that great, as it was he was usually here at least once a week, anyway. (In addition, most of the week he is stationed in the north, too far to "pop in".)  And even though he darted in and out over the days he was home, I still  definitely felt the difference. This mother hen was very glad to have the hatchling back in the nest, glad for the additional chances to "mother" him, to share our space with him, to see this young fellow growing up.

Vanity Versus Health

    As I come closer to my ideal weight, the comments continue, usually something along the lines of:

-"Where is your other half?"

-"HOW did you do it?"

-"Rickismom, is that you?"

   But I have also been getting, much more frequently, urging to not lose more.

-"You look great, you've lost enough…"

-"If you lose more, it will just show in your face…"

    Now comments like these from anyone heavier than me are suspect. But lately, I've been getting these remarks also from thin women, and from people whose opinions I respect.

   As of today, my BMI is 30--- I am finally out of the "obese" range, but still classified as "overweight". I have been aiming for the higher side of the "normal", or "healthy" BMI range, which for my height is 66 kilos. I think that I can easily add 5 kilos to that figure, to compensate for extra skin layers (until I have them removed, if ever). That gives me a target of 73 kilos.

    However, I DO feel great where I am today… I have strength, feel good, and am pleased with myself.

   So yesterday I sat down to decide if I want to continue losing, and if so, by how much. Am I willing to have more facial wrinkles in order to reach a healthy BMI? Or since I feel so go-darn-good, maybe I CAN stop here? Is the difference between a BMI of 25  and 30 really going to have such an effect?

Vanity or Health?

   I one wrote that I'd rather LOOK old than FEEL old. But I already feel young, and wouldn't mind skipping those extra wrinkles……

    In the end, I decided that 5 more kilos will give me a buffer zone for maintenance, and to shoot for 75. And at that point, I'll be half of what I was about 4 years ago.

Not Self-Limiting Ourselves…..

[image: A poor photo of my mother and Ricki (I was taking the picture) at the top of the climb to Bierstadt (which is a few minutes walk away, behind me).]

   This post is a continuation comment on a very old post. (The Ranger story...) Check HERE  . I posted the photo to give you an idea of the altitude gain, which is about 566 feet. We started the hike slightly below the trees in the valley below.

Today's comment:

 Don't let other's perceptions of what you can do to limit you! Just because people of 150 kilos (330 lbs) are rarely seen on the trail does NOT mean that you can't do it! (Note that I HAD been walking daily for at least a half year before this occurred and was used to hiking...).

     Recently I have seen how much my overweight limited me. While most of these were due to the weight itself, some things may have been because of my own embarrassment, society's "rules", etc

   While many of society's strictures are rooted in good old common sense, many times we limit ourselves due to factors like "it isn't commonly done", "everyone will stare at me", etc. But if you want to do something, as long as it is moral, GO FOR IT!

Hanging in There…..

   For the last two and a half monthes my weight has been pretty much static… wavering from an all-time low of just barely under 80 kilos to 82 or 3. But mostly around 81. There were severeal reasons for this..

v -the pre-Passover period(ie., sleep deprivation coupled with swiss chocolate "instant energy")

v -Passover (guests, festive meals)

v -Ricki being in the hospital

v -My surgery

   So as I went to weigh myself this morning, I was beset with negative thoughts. How long will it take me to get back to under 80 kilos? If I find it so hard to lose, what will happen when I'm older and can't just walk out the door for a brisk hour walk to burn off an extra 200 calories?

   But the truth is, if we are honest with ourselves, correctly counting calories, portion sizes, noting pitfalls, and correcting them, EVENTUALLY we will see the results. We just have to hang in there and keep going.

   [And BTW, I clocked in at 79.75 kilos today. YEA!]

Cherries "LKavod Shabbas"

[explanation for those that may need it: The Jewish Sabbath ("Shabbas"), is celebrated, amongst other ways, by eating three festive meals. It is customary to purchase and/or prepare especially good food for the Sabbath. This food  is bought "LKavod" ("in honor of") the Sabbath.]

POST:

   Losing weight has not only enhanced my health. It has enhanced my observance of the seventh day, Shabbas. Here's why…

  Have you ever baked a cake "LKavod shabbas", only to eat more on Friday than on the Sabbath? Or purchased a food item for the Sabbath in amounts plentiful enough for Friday AND shabbas? That used to happen to me a lot. Yes, there is a custom to taste the Sabbath food being cooked on Thursday or Friday to be sure that it is tasty, but let's not kid ourselves. In many households much of the Sabbath food is sampled in quantity on Friday, making it a bit less special on the Sabbath.

   But now that I am dieting, I strain to keep my calorie count on Fridays to a minimum, knowing that I have a two course meal ahead Friday evening. So I bake the "shabbas cake" with one tiny lick of the batter (to be sure that I didn't substitute salt for sugar and the like…), and generally save the cake itself for Saturday morning. And the cherries I bought specially "LKavod shabbas" this week went untasted by me until shabbas. And when I DID have them, they were REALLY in honor of the seventh day, and not just a weekly excuse to indulge….