Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Promoting Hate vs Expanding Our Internal Eyesight


   About two weeks ago, I wrote a post “TheNext Soldier? (Obsessing over Options)
   And since it was one of my posts which I felt has interest to the non-“special-needs” crowd of readers, I sent it in to "Havel Havelim", a weekly compilation of blog posts relating to Jewish and/or Israeli topics.
     Now a lot of Israeli bloggers are used to getting ugly comments; it seems to come with the territory. But since I rarely post on particularly Israeli themes, I usually am spared that flack.
    [Of course I understand that if one posts stuff on the internet, one has to be willing to receive negative feedback. The internet is a great forum for both promoting our views, and discussing things with others. (Although I have often noted that in public forums, there is a tendency to do a lot of “bashing” of others, without “derech eretz” –manners-, and that people rarely, if ever, change their minds by what they read in such places).]

      But what I find inexcusable, and certainly a waste of time, is when people write hateful things, without really reading the post they are commenting on. Some people are so intent on promoting discord that they jump in to do so, it would seem, with absolute glee…..  
  And one of these commented on the post noted above. Probably few of my regular readers saw the comment (nor my reply to him); it being made a few days after the post appeared.
    But it wasn’t a pro-Arab poster, but an anti-Chareidi* one.

   Someone called “Alan” wrote the following comment:
 I cannot imagine that the Army would NEVER be able to find a suitable job for your daughter. She graduated high school somewhere? She speaks Hebrew fluently?
I also don't buy the narrative that keeping modest girls out of the Army is a good way to do Tikkun Olam on to the Army.
My suspicion is that you don't trust that your worldview-as-transmitted-to-the-kid, can stand up face-to-face with other realities that your daughter would meet. You're a scaredy-cat.
You turned your now-adult daughter into a child again: "because I'm the mommy, that's why!"
Look, you can't have it both ways. You can't run around saying (as Mr EsserAgaroth likes to do) that Army girls dress like zonot; and then claim that it's not your job to set a fashion example for Army girls.
If you claim to be the leadership vanguard of the Jewish people, you can't be picky about who you're going to lead.
If you don't make that claim, then get out of my way while I lead the campaign to cut off y'alls subsidies.
the next step will be to give those Filipinit kids who DO SERVE IN THE ARMY, that money we took away from you!!
Looking at the pages of history, I gamble that y'all will end up in the same dusty footnotes as Shabtai Zvi.

[For my non-Hebrew speaking readers, translations and explanations:
Tikkun Olam – to rectify
Mr EsserAgaroth – a noted Israeli blogger
Zonot - harlots
Filipinit- people from the Philippines (here he would be talking about children of foreign workers  in I.srael, who where born and raised here)
Shabtai Zvi- a false Messiah from the time of the middle ages ]

And here is my answer:

     I must say that I suspect you have a lot of anger and pre-made assumptions here. May I point out that:
My husband worked for a living (until he retired). 
My husband also served as a combat soldier for several years. I worked as a nurse in a mental hospital, and with elderly patients. We worked to make our living. The subsidies we received are similar to tax breaks given by any normal country for children and those with special needs.
I have 2 sons who serve(d) in the army. (In the Oketz unit  and on the Hermon). 
     Oh, and did you read enough of my side bar (or read my post itself carefully enough) to understand that my daughter is mentally retarded? I am pretty sure that you didn't.
Yes, I am scared that if my very impressionable daughter went to a place where religious moral standards are not kept, she would be influenced, because she does not have the mental reasoning to understand that what others do may not be correct. ESPECIALLY since I refrain from criticizing those who are not as religious as I am.
I would like to add:
I made no objections to my younger sons to serve in the army (even though I realized that they would probably become less religious as a result), because since they were not doing their part in protecting the land spiritually with consistent, full time study, they had a moral obligation to serve. I felt that I could not impose my world-view on them.
     By the way, if anyone is a “scardy cat”, YOU are! On clicking your name one reaches a page with NO WAY to contact you. You don't give me a chance to answer you except here.
I personally think that you owe me an apology.


    I think I understand his anger at the chareidi community, who generally do not serve in the army (although that is slowly changing). But my post had nothing to do with promoting non-service in the army for regular draftees, and personally I would not be opposed to some type of modified  (and carefully planned) non-Army “national service” in their own community for chareidi girls. I also believe that more chareidi men should be working, and that those who do need to serve. (Although if the army keeps pulling stunts like expecting  religious men to listen to women singing, this is not going to happen.) At the MINIMUM, some type of national service could be done.  But Mr. Alan jumped in to spill his hate, without even TRYING to see what I was really writing about. (Which was, incidentally, about the frenzy we often work ourselves into when choosing between two options, a very human pitfall.)

   So maybe we all need to read other people’s posts with the aim to understanding WHERE they are coming from, and try to expand our internal eyesight of others and what motivates them.

* (For my non-Jewish readers: “Chareidi” is the Israeli word for the Jewish “ultra-Orthodox”)

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Additional Note on the Pseudo-Tzaddik (Saint):


   Since some readers arrive here when "new posts" appear, they may miss the update that I put into Thursday's post, so I am also posting it here. 
  

 A reader commented on Thursday’s post:
    “ What point is there to be depressed? Depression only makes a person lose hope and blunts an attempt to energetically pursue a resolution instead.
   This comment shows that I was not fully understood, and the point is important enough that I feel it needs an additional note (or post) to clarify the matter.
     I was NOT talking about being depressed or being "down". This is also not about giving up hope, or trying to rectify things. I am an extremely positive person (I think I owe my mother for that....).  I am talking about letting people learn to live with the reality that that not all problems have simple solutions, and sometimes people need to accept that there is NO easy cure, and learn to BE HAPPY in the situation they are in.  (I was not specifically talking in this case about Down syndrome, BTW. I have a different family member with a different problem.) However, as regards Down syndrome, I once read a quote from a "New" mother of a baby with Down syndrome who on going to a support group thought that she had fallen into a crazy house when all the other mothers were gushing about how lucky they were to have a baby with Down syndrome. Since reading that quote, whenever I am at a meeting and everyone is doing this "Gee I'm so lucky" scene, I make a point to mention something I DON'T like about Ricki's behavior (along with something terrific that she did), so that any new mothers who are still in the "Why in the world did this tragedy happen to me" stage will not feel like she landed on Mars.

     This commenter also writes: "Think good, so it will be good".
    Yes, there is truth to this, and a positive attitude and outlook is beneficial to us, both mentally and physically.
     BUT most of us are not recipients of open miracles, (and I certainly do not believe myself to be on the level to be worthy of one). I agree that we must never give up hope for changes for the better.  But to EXPECT an open miracle, or to deny the reality that one may not merit one, can be counter productive. As much as there is a danger of not actively seeking  positive changes if one accepts this reality, there is an even bigger danger in living in a Pollyanna world where we expect G-d to cure the incurable, or where we assume that He will ensure that we will be in the small number of  those who have a “positive outcome” in situations where this is rare. These are the dangers of this approach:


1) When an individual can not accept that their situation is not normally “cured”,  they may often, in their desperation to find a solution, expend TONS of energy/money searching for that elusive cure. QUACKS LOVE these people, and incurable things are a quacks daydream.

2) People living with the problem meantime, are so centered in finding the cure, with the "I HAVE to correct this!" attitude, that they can be angry and upset at being unable to do so in the meantime.

3)  When a person believes fully that G-d will make a miracle for them, and in the end, that miracle just doesn’t occur, their faith (or the faith of their children, who have been raised on this “G-d will take care of all things” attitude) may be shaken.


 I personally feel that in most cases, learning to BE HAPPY in spite of one's problems, and to not make the "problem" the complete obsession of one's life, is the healthiest thing to do. We need to make a normal amount of effort, and to pray to G-d for His help. But more than that, we need to feel that whatever G-d does is for a reason and that He is with us all the way, NO MATTER WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS. We need to work on our relationship with G-d, to work on improving ourselves, and enjoying the wonderful things that we do have.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

The Pseudo-Tzaddik (Saint)


   [The Hebrew word tzaddik is translated generally as “saint”, although the word really means “righteous individual”, without the connotations of being able to do miracles, etc.]

   It happens in almost any support group you attend, no matter what the underlying problems are. There will be at least one individual who will often express his belief in G-d, and his faith that all will be well. That in itself does not bother me. What I DO find grating is the often implied message that if you are not sure that the problem will eventually be resolved to your satisfaction, your faith is weak. [I know of a cancer patient who bemoaned her inability to speak with anyone of her fear of what would be with her children after her death… because listeners would invariably chide her for “talking that way”, or enjoined her to believe that G-d could cure her.]

   I am sorry, but belief in G-d is not a magic-wand cure for all of human suffering. Truly righteous people can also die of cancer, suffer tragedies, and endure problems that are not resolved as they would like. These pseudo-saints with a Pollyanna-view of life and religion who can imply that others are not as religious as they are because of refusal to accept assurances that all will be “OK in the end”, may unfortunately be setting themselves up for a big disappointment.

G-D NEVER PROMISED TO SPARE THE RIGHTEOUS FROM ALL SUFFERING.

   I believe that true faith means that in some way, some measure, the tests that we endure are for our spiritual benefit, and that G-d does promise this: He will be with us all the way.




Additional Note on the Pseudo-Tzaddik (Saint):

   A reader commented on Thursday’s post:

    What point is there to be depressed? Depression only makes a person lose hope and blunts an attempt to energetically pursue a resolution instead.
   This comment shows that I was not fully understood, and the point is important enough that I feel it needs an additional note to clarify the matter.
     I was NOT talking about being depressed or being "down". This is also not about giving up hope, or trying to rectify things. I am an extremely positive person (I think I owe my mother for that....).  I am talking about letting people learn to live with the reality that that not all problems have simple solutions, and sometimes people need to accept that there is NO easy cure, and learn to BE HAPPY in the situation they are in.  (I was not specifically talking in this case about Down syndrome, BTW. I have a different family member with a different problem.) However, as regards Down syndrome, I once read a quote from a "New" mother of a baby with Down syndrome who on going to a support group thought that she had fallen into a crazy house when all the other mothers were gushing about how lucky they were to have a baby with Down syndrome. Since reading that quote, whenever I am at a meeting and everyone is doing this "Gee I'm so lucky" scene, I make a point to mention something I DON'T like about Ricki's behavior (along with something terrific that she did), so that any new mothers who are still in the "Why in the world did this tragedy happen to me" stage will not feel like she landed on Mars.

     This commenter also writes: "Think good, so it will be good".
    Yes, there is truth to this, and a positive attitude and outlook is beneficial to us, both mentally and physically.
     BUT most of us are not recipients of open miracles, (and I certainly do not believe myself to be on the level to be worthy of one). I agree that we must never give up hope for changes for the better.  But to EXPECT an open miracle, or to deny the reality that one may not merit one, can be counter productive. As much as there is a danger of not actively seeking  positive changes if one accepts this reality, there is an even bigger danger in living in a Pollyanna world where we expect G-d to cure the incurable, or where we assume that He will ensure that we will be in the small number of  those who have a “positive outcome” in situations where this is rare. These are the dangers of this approach:


1) When an individual can not accept that their situation is not normally “cured”,  they may often, in their desperation to find a solution, expend TONS of energy/money searching for that elusive cure. QUACKS LOVE these people, and incurable things are a quacks daydream.

2) People living with the problem meantime, are so centered in finding the cure, with the "I HAVE to correct this!" attitude, that they can be angry and upset at being unable to do so in the meantime.

3)  When a person believes fully that G-d will make a miracle for them, and in the end, that miracle just doesn’t occur, their faith (or the faith of their children, who have been raised on this “G-d will take care of all things” attitude) may be shaken.


 I personally feel that in most cases, learning to BE HAPPY in spite of one's problems, and to not make the "problem" the complete obsession of one's life, is the healthiest thing to do. We need to make a normal amount of effort, and to pray to G-d for His help. But more than that, we need to feel that whatever G-d does is for a reason and that He is with us all the way, NO MATTER WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS. We need to work on our relationship with G-d, to work on improving ourselves, and enjoying the wonderful things that we do have.


Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The Doctor’s Visit


    For two mornings in a row, Ricki complained that her mouth hurt. We had been to the dentist just the previous week for a checkup, so that was one fear less. In addition, she specifically told me that it was her tongue that was bothering her. I looked at her tongue at the first complaint, but noticed nothing out of the ordinary. The second time, I told her: “OK Ricki, I don’t see anything, but today after school, I’ll take you to the doctor” (which happens to be three buildings away).
   So at 6:20, expecting her home any minute, I went downstairs to await her arrival.
   And waited…. And some more…
   Finally she showed up.
   “Well, I went to the doctor,” she chirped; “He said it was nothing. It’s OK”
   Ricki had taken her nice new health-fund card, and had GONE BY HERSELF TO THE DOCTOR. She told me that she had shown her card to the secretary, and gone in by herself, telling the doctor that her tongue hurt.
     Later I even passed by the office, and checked with the secretary if all had really gone as smoothly as Ricki had claimed. And it had.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

YIKES!!!


     Yesterday evening I suddenly noticed that Ricki had a bottle of medicine. I quickly asked her what it was , and why she had it.
   “Oh, I want to take some Acamol (like Tylenol) for my throat.”

“RICKI LET ME SEE THAT RIGHT AWAY!!!!”

   It was a bottle of Hydrogen Peroxide!
   I thought she knew that she can’t take medicines on her own.
   I was wrong.
    I have initially repeated (several times) since then that she can’t just take anything. But I am going to have to do better than that. I will need to teach her about non-prescription medicines, the rules involved, uses, doses, limitations…..

Monday, February 20, 2012

The Unwanted Script


   Today (ie, Sunday) was a slightly hectic day. I was raring to start my pre-Pesach (Passover) work, having finally last week decided what work to do each week until the holiday arrives (in a bit under two months). My allotted task for the morning was to buy cleaning supplies, as well as several items which I had noted last year at Passover’s end, as items “needed for next year”. In addition I had to make some routine blood tests in the morning, which meant fasting until 10 AM. That in itself should pose no problem. But I was feeling a little queasy; perhaps I had caught a “bug” after traipsing around in the drizzling rain Friday night. (Well, I HAD to get my steps in……)
   So I decided to take my breakfast with me: a diet yogurt. But on opening the fridge, I discovered that it was missing. (Ricki must have noticed it…) So on the spur of the moment, I decided that I would buy breakfast on the way to the stores, after the blood tests. I HAD calories I could use for breakfast. Since I was fasting, I hadn’t even had my morning coffee….
   The blood tests went easily. (….amazing how much easier for the technician to find a vein now that I weigh less…..) So I set out to have breakfast. I purposely passed the bakery, and went to a new “Italian corner” eatery I ad noticed of late.
   To make a long story short, the menu choices were NOT particularly dietetic, but I ordered a grilled sandwich, instructing them to cut it in half (the roll was huge…). To my dismay, on receiving the sandwich, I could see that they had smeared it with oil. (I could have ordered the salad with “rich cheese” for a lesser calorie count…) But time was passing, and I was hungry, so I ate the half sandwich. But it did put me about 100 calories past where I wanted to be at 11 am.
   On arriving home at 2pm, I had a milk drink, but still felt a bit under the weather. Soon I found myself polishing off a slice (SMALL slice) of cake from the freezer.
   “WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?” I queried myself. Apparently that old former internal script had reappeared….those lines inside my head that condone overeating as a way to deal with feeling under the weather or tiredness.
   You would think that after two and a half years of eating properly, those lines would have vacated my head, but no, they hadn’t. They had just lain in wait (“sin crouches by the door”) for an opportune moment.
   Of course, once I noted what was happening, I put a stop to it, being a little bit wiser, and a lot more on guard. In the end, I managed to close the day only 200 calories above my plan. Not bad.
   But I learned today that I will probably be “fat” in my mind forever.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

He Was Killed Because He Was Fat?



   I was reading on shabbas about the “Mercy Killings” in New Orleans during the Katrina Hurricane. I noted that one of those killed was DEFINITELY not terminal, and did not have a DRN order. Instead, he repeatedly implored the staff to not leave him behind.
   But he was among those murdered. Because he was too heavy to move easily. I can only wonder how much the decision to kill him (for “mercy”) had to do with the prejudice which our society has against overweight people, and the view that those who are not independent have lives “not worth living”.

UPDATE: Please see comments

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Miss Conversationalist


   When I am out in the evenings, Ricki is pretty much on her own. Her Dad is always home, but often sleeping, and generally her sister is home, albeit on the second floor. However, we have had no problems with this arrangement in general. Before I leave I make sure that Ricki has had supper, that her bed is made, and that she understands when she needs to go to sleep. (If I can, I also call to remind her.)  I generally also give her some activities to do to keep her occupied and out of trouble. However, Ricki has always, at least until now, complained bitterly whenever I leave.
    Sunday night I had a group meeting with several friends, and I expected to return home a bit on the late side.
   “Why do you have to go?” she asked me Sunday afternoon. I explained that just as she has friends, so do I, and since I am no longer in school (and thus don’t see my friends daily, as she does) I need to meet with them sometimes.
  So that evening as I left I was surprised to hear Ricki wishing me “Have a good time!”, rather than her usual complaints. And the next morning she even asked me if I had enjoyed myself.
   GOSH O GOLLIES, SHE’S GROWING UP!

The Joke Was On Me!



   I had a wedding to go to last night, of the daughter of a former neighbor. I suspected that she would not recognize me, but she did at first glance. (Actually this is not surprising, as she knew me in one of my relative lighter periods, not when I weighed 150 kilos!)
   BUT I DID NOT RECOGNIZE HER!!! SHE has lost a lot herself! I am so happy for her!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Schoolbag Saga, Continued


   This is a continuation from last week’s “school bag” post. I wrote that on Monday evening (came out “Tuesday” on blogger, as I had posted after midnight…).

  The day after I wrote that blog piece, Ricki was quite insistent that I carry her bag for her. As I mentioned in the comments:
Tuesday:Unfortunately this morning it was not the reality. It was either I take the bag or she would miss her ride. So I took it, being under pressure. So now there has to be "consequences"(which I told her would come) --which I need to decide on before her return at 6PM today. Probably no apricots tonight (her favorite "TuB'Svat" fruit..  “ 
   I confess that the same evening, I completely forgot about “consequences. The next few days I carried her bag down, letting her know that I was only doing so because I was anyway going downstairs in order to pop over to the grocery store. And if I am anyway leaving the house, I don’t mind helping her out. But I mentioned that on a day that I don’t need to go to the grocery, she will need to take the bag on her own. Thus I was preparing her for the idea that ultimately it IS HER JOB to take the bag.
   Sunday (yesterday) it happened. I was NOT going down to the grocery. When Ricki TOLD me (note, NOT  “asked”) to take her bag, as she was leaving, I informed her that today I was not going to the grocery, and remember, I mentioned that you need to take it yourself…..
  As I shut the door, I smiled, and noted that if she didn’t hurry, she would miss her ride and need to walk to school.
  I shut the door…..and held my breath. I knew darn well that if she missed the ride, the chances of her schlepping to school were in the range of minus ten to zero.
   But she sighed, accepted the decree, and trudged down the stairs. Today she didn’t even ask for help, but took the bag on her own….

Friday, February 10, 2012

The Sale

Once (about two years ago) I was in a big-size clothing store when I overheard a customer complaining about the truly exorbitant prices. The saleswoman noted that big sizes need more cloth, but that excuse was (and is) a flimsy one. The truth is that the store, knowing that their shoppers have few choices as regards where to obtain ready-made clothing in large sizes, can charge whatever they want. (The cloth in a 300shekel blouse, even in size 60, costs at the most 60-100 shekel.) The only option is for shoppers to wait until the end-of-the-season-sale, when they can buy the blouse at a regular (but not regular SALE) price. So this year I had a real pleasure. Finally I am what is considered a “normal” size. A size that appears in the racks of “sale” clothing in normal stores… So I went and tried on a few things, bought a few items that were a bit snug (they ought to be perfect next winter), as well as a few summer items that I found. Losing weight is FUN!!! GRIN.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Soon-to-be Girl Soldier



    Yesterday, while waiting for the bus from the induction center, I noted a few young high school students waiting as well. These girls were obviously, clutching their induction-center bus passes, finishing a morning of processing at the center.
   One was laughing with her friend, making a TON of noise. She asked the driver of the bus (when it arrived) if her had scissors for the bus pass, which was completely unneeded, as the passes have perforated edges. In short, it was obvious that she was trying with all her might to get some attention.
   I thought to myself “I would love to see her in a year, after she has served a bit in the army. Chances are that she will be quieter, more mature, and more self assured….

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Epilogue to Yesterday's Post

     Today I took her papers to the induction center, without the needed stamp (because the court clerks WERE striking), and very quickly (and in a friendly manner) the lady soldier there took care of the entire matter. I KNEW that there wasn't REALLY a problem, so why did I obsess about it........?

Getting Her Identity Card

[image: Israeli ID card.]
   The first step in tackling Ricki’s army deferment was to obtain an identity card for her. All Israelis have one (except children, who are listed on their parents’ card). I had actually filled out an application form with Ricki once, simply to give her experience in working through official papers. But she had been too young then to actually obtain her identity card. But now we DID need one, and so one day last week I set about obtaining the document for her.
   First I printed out from the internet the needed form, and then went to Ricki’s school to take her to the nearby “Internal Affairs” office to make the formal request. It was one of Ricki’s first days at school after her “strike” and I prayed that she would readily acquiesce to the “outing”. She didn’t.   It was windy outside when I arrived, and Ricki’s class had at that moment “break time”.  I explained that the government office was nearby to no avail. So I informed her that I would wait (in the teacher’s chair) until she agreed to accompany me. I sat down and gazed at the ceiling, hoping that the lack of negative attention would work better than hounding her. After five more minutes of unsuccessful waiting, I informed Ricki that I was going to tell the principal.
   The principal rallied to the cause, and managed to get Ricki outside of the building. But when Ricki felt the wind, she turned to reenter the school. However the principal, thankfully still there, informed Ricki that she would lock the door to the school, and wouldn’t it be warmer to go with your mom than sit outside? So Ricki reluctantly joined me, only to be pleasantly surprised by the brevity of the walk to the office.
    We reached the office (on the way we took the needed ID photographs), and took a number for our turn. It looked like we had at least a  half-hour wait ahead of us, and I regretted the half hour or more that I had already lost at the school. So we sat down near the front, opposite one of the clerks. When the clerk next had an opening, she signaled for us to come to her counter. The person who must have been in line complained that there IS a line (quite rightly, actually). But the clerk said “Some things are out of line.” She was obviously giving us preference due to Ricki’s  disability, and for once I went along. (I hope the person who was in line forgives us; I hope they never have the exasperating experience of dragging a 85 kilo teen with Down syndrome somewhere that she doesn’t want to go….).
   As we left the office, Ricki with ID in hand, I informed her that I needed the ID (to get certain papers for her deferment). Ricki started to refuse, but I had come prepared. I fished out the new shinny health fund card that I had obtained for her a few days before, as well as the extra unneeded copies of her new ID photo. She agreed to the swap, and enjoyed the walk back to her school.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The Next Soldier? (Obsessing over Options)


 Prolog:  In Israel, the draft is mandatory. So sure enough, Ricki received her draft notice about half a year ago, and I took it to her school. The girls in her school routinely receive a deferment, not because of their disability, as you might expect. They receive an exemption because they are religious girls who feel that the atmosphere of the army is not suitable for them. (I do not in any way mean to degenerate here the girls who do serve; they do a lot of good work in the army or in national service.) However, last summer when the school arranged the exemptions, Ricki was in the hospital ICU with pneumonia, so her claim was not processed. I asked about it at the start of the school year, and I was under the impression that it would be taken care of with the “next group” of students. Well, that didn’t happen, and a week ago I received notice that Ricki has to show up at the induction center this Thursday, or face the consequences. And my sons in the army informed me that the “consequences” by this point could be the police coming to our house and taking Ricki by force. And they further informed me that if the police DID come, they would act, golem-like (ie, without reasoning), despite the obvious fact that she has Down syndrome, and is thus eligible for a medical exemption. (I mean, the army DOESN’T want her….****)
The Post:
    I am sure that all of you can relate to this: You have a problem, one that may even not be that big, and there are a few different ways to resolve it. But each way has its drawbacks, often related to the actions or good-will of 3rd parties, which we may not fully be able to predict. The result? One can spend a day or two (or more) consumed in the grip of having to decide how to act, which action to choose. The preoccupation with this problem causes stress, which can be very draining, even on a physical level.
   This morning at 11AM I went for my regular 60-70 minute aerobic walk, knowing that I would need to get it in quickly, before the predicted rainfall would hit at noon or thereafter. I had been obsessing all morning about what would be the most expedient way to resolve the army problem. [Do I go through the channels of getting her an exemption due to her being religious, or should I just shlepp her to the induction center on Thursday, and let the army see for themselves that she is not exactly what “Uncle Sam  Israel” is looking for?] Compounding this is my need on a as-yet-to-be- determined-day this week to hopefully attend the circumcision of my new grandson.* (The circumcision was postponed for health reasons, and we will have only 12-24 hours warning in advance as to when it will be held.) Also a strike is looming, which may effect an office needed to receive the religious exemption, but when I phoned and asked if they would be part of the strike, the incompetent person who answered could not answer the question. And a query I wanted to ask the army got unanswered because their information phone is automated, and you can not reach a real live person.** Things just were not progressing....
    The end result of all this thinking was that after half an hour of walking, I was ready to call it quits. I was drained.... In the end I finished the walk only by reminding myself of my favorite line: “There will come a day that you can’t do this anymore. Today is NOT that day!”
  In reality, I needed to do (and did do, to a certain extent), what needs to be done when one is under stress from the need to make a choice.  I reminded myself that I can make my decision as things progress, I don’t need to make a irrevocable plan right away. I also reminded myself that in the scheme of life, this really is a very small matter to get worked up about……
    So I worked both fronts, reminding myself that the likelihood of them dragging Ricki away before her papers get processed is really NOT likely. (The army doesn’t act that fast in these cases.***)   In the end, a 3rd party who I needed cooperation from to get the religious deferment could not do so, but I was referred to someone else, who acted decisively, promptly, and with good manners. That, coupled with the likelihood of the circumcision being on Thursday will have me running to the court on Wednesday to finalize the religious exemption. (That is, if they are not on strike……)


* Yes, thank-you for your congratulations!
** I HATE it when you can not reach a person on an information line. Yes, many times the automated line is enough, but often there are questions that arise which they do NOT answer, and the automated line is USELESS and downright frustrating!
*** If some robot-like “golem” police officers did arrive, she would probably create quite a scene, to put it mildly. They would need at least four people to get her out the door….
**** Actually, the Israeli army, to it's credit, does have an excellent set-up whereby young men with intellectual disabilities are allowed to voluntarily serve in a special program, doing jobs that their talents suit them for.

Epilogue: On Wednesday I took her papers to the induction center, without the needed stamp (because the court clerks WERE striking), and very quickly (and in a friendly manner) the lady soldier there took care of the entire matter. I KNEW that there wasn't REALLY a problem, so why did I obsess about it........?

Carrying the Schoolbag

I mentioned about two weeks ago that Ricki was “on strike” and not going to school. (See HERE)
      It took us about a week to get her back into attending classes, but in order to do so we unfortunately had to reach a compromise with her that allows her to take a  bus to school, rather than walk the three and a half blocks. I was loathe to let her stop walking, it being the only consistent walking she does, but as it was she was neither walking OR attending school.
     For the last week she has insisted that I carry her schoolbag downstairs for her, and the first few days I complied, since I anyway wanted to see if the driver arrived on time, that Ricki knew where to stand and wait, etc. But after that I only took the bag down in order to avoid a fight and risk her missing her ride. Finally I decided that this had to come to a stop. Today (OK, yesterday already…) I informed Ricki that she could jolly well take her own schoolbag downstairs. She started wining and throwing a scene. So I just walked out of the room.
     PRESTO! Once I left the room, she saw that I meant it, grabbed the bag, and trotted on down the stairs on her own manpower…..

Friday, February 3, 2012

"My Plate"

The new nutrician guidlines are out... see HERE/ You will find there available for download and /or printing, the new "my plate" nutrition plate, as well as resources relating to the newer type of nutrition pyramid. Personally, for a full-day's recording and planning I prefer the OLD pyramid, simply because you can divide it up any way. HERE you can find my post on it, including a graphic (right-click it to copy....).
Since orthodox Jews don't mix meat foods with dairy, the new "my plate" is a bit problematic. HOWEVER, THE VISUAL LAYOUT IS NICE, AND ENCOURAGES MORE FRUIT/VEGETABLE CONSUMPTION. So I created a Hebrew version:

as well as one for Milky meals: