Well, a few hours after Google decided that I follow no blogs, it changed its mind, and my blog list reappeared. I almost wish it hadn't. Half of the blogs I follow mentioned "Bad news" at Rivka's. I went over to Rivca's blog with trepidation.
Rivca has bone cancer. In her words:
"Diagnosed with DCIS (stage ZERO breast cancer) at age 39. Three surgeries and 2 years later... I became a statistical anomaly: breast cancer mysteriously metastasized to my bones, liver and lungs.
Diagnosis: Cancer is a "chronic illness." You can live with it.
Translation: I hope to be on chemotherapy for a LONG time!"
And Rivca has (had?)a 20-year plan.: What she wants to do in the next 20 years. Her doctor, on hearing "20 years" was a bit sceptical, but... Rivca in her blog, is pretty upbeat, and seems to enjoy life, as we all should.
Well, her cancer has spread to the brain. She suddenly realized that giving herself 20 years was a REAL long shot. I can't imagine that that realization was very easy.
* * *
Now contrast that with what my poor son-in-law (the one who keeps getting into situations that most people only read about)witnessed on Wednesday. He saw (yes, unfortunately really saw the whole thing)a woman commit suicide by jumping 12 floors. [My husband, who used to work in chevra kaddisha, once told me that if teenage girls knew what they looked like after a jump, they would never do it....]
This lady , who apparently was newly divorced, decided that life wasn't worth living. May we never be in a situation that ending one's life looks tempting...I don't want to judge this lady negatively. And yet....
* * *
While there ARE miracles, and Rivca could get her 20 years, it is not likely.I hate to say it, but extreemely unlikely. I think that in such a situation one could (a little bit) hope for a miracle, but certainly not expect it. One would need to trim the list "20-year list" down and do the most important things in the first several years.
But we need to be upbeat enough to not be too caught up in our future. None of us really knows how long we have. We need to plan goals, live with an umph, as Rivca does.
And, I tell myself, wishing for a 20 year plan won't by itself make it happen. If I want to live 20 more years, I have to exercise, curb my appetite, and take my life, as much as I can... into my own hands.
And most important, we need to make our lives LIVES. An existance worth living. Where others count. Where we contribute to the world.