A Real "Shechiyanu" ("First")

(image: light brown knee high boots ) :

   I have huge feet. Being blessed with  feet-large-for-height genes from both parents, I am a size twelve.(43-44 Israeli size. )   Most stores here carry to size 40, many to 41. …and a few to size 42. Until lately, I have bought nearly all my shoes in a special store in Jaffa, or in America. Or I buy a feminine-styled man's sport shoe.

    Once I saw that a store in the Petach Tikva mall had a few size 12 shoes, but nothing that I liked. Today I popped in there again, as I was passing by, and I found KNEE HIGH BOOTS.

   I have always dreamt of wearing knee high boots.

   But my feet were too big, or my legs too fat.

   But these fit. I GRABBED them!

   I commented to the casheir: "How lovely that you have knee-high boots in size 12. That is so rare."

   And in his reply he mentioned that these boots are also WIDER than usual.

POP!

POP!

POP!
   My bubble of finally having thin-enough-for –knee-high-boots  legs burst.

   But the boots aren't a snug bare–fit, either, so I will enjoy them anyway.

DRAT! Why did he have to mention that!??!

Sad Day

   It's a sad day when a nurse, working in the hospital, gets stabbed to death protecting her patients.(This happened in Texas.)
   As a fellow nurse, I salute her.

The Saleslady's Estimate

   Once upon a time, shopping for clothes would never give me a grin.  The outlandish price of the big-sizes store's merchandise, the embarrassment of trying something on and it not fitting… or even worse, the saleslady commenting that "We don't carry your size"…. All made clothes shopping a tense time to say the least.

     Now I have not lost a lot of weight since last winter, and my old clothing still fits me. But I decided that "maintaining" also deserves recognition, so I went to buy a few new items for myself today.

   And I discovered that I am a full size smaller than I was half a year ago.  And at one point a sales lady asked me if I needed help. I told her" I like this jacket, but I am not sure that this size 44 will fit me."

   "For sure not," she commented, "this item runs a bit small… I'll get a 46 for you." Well, in the end the size 44 had plenty of space…. . How great to be SMALLER than what the saleslady estimated!!

Smiles Beneath the Umbrellas

[image: man and child laughing in the rain]

    Now to those of you in other parts of the world, where it has been cold for a while, the idea that our fall rains are finally starting now may sound lovely. But here, where drought and lack of rainfall hang over our heads like a sword of Damocles, we await rainfall with bated breath.

    Then, today, at noon I was outside when it started sprinkling. Immediately every single child in the area spread open their umbrellas. The universal expression of the children was unabated glee. They were grinning "ear-to-ear". The attitude of the children seemed infectious to me. I loved to see them enjoying the rain in such a care-free and simple manner.

   However, the adults puzzled me. I was just about the only grown-up sporting a grin. 95% of the adults passing me were sporting rather serious expressions, and seemed oh so intent on accomplishing whatever they had set outside to do.

   Now responsibility is a great thing. And adults definitely may have more on their minds than their children do.  But what was going on here?

   I suspect that it had a bit to do with the rain being a bit unexpected (that is, to anyone who had not read the weather forecast).  Moments before it had been balmy and sunny.

     I suspect that children are in general more open to changing situations.  And I believe that we adults are really missing out on a lot of the small joys of life, simply because we are just too intent on the list of things to get done. But if we are out in the rain anyway, by golly, let's enjoy it!

An Imperfect Me

    Weight loss has impacted my life considerably. I mean, I weigh HALF of what I used to. I used to weigh 150 kilo!  But sometimes I feel that people only relate to the fact that I have lost weight, and miss the point. The real victory was not the shedding of the pounds, as much as the internal changes I have undergone.

     I have learned to listen to my body. To trust it more. Tonight when I was SUPER hungry (and I wasn't under stress), I finally, after an hour and a half, let myself have a bit extra. I know from experience that sometimes I have to ease a bit, and that it works out in the end. I will push myself to exercise. But if 40 minutes into my walk I STILL feel like I just can't do it today, I often allow myself to do less. Because I know with confidence that I am not giving in too easily. I know with confidence that my body is not lying to me. If my body tells me mid-morning that it needs some sleep, I will try to give it that sleep.

   I have learned that the direction is the most important thing. I can live with myself as an imperfect being. [In fact, I did not lose weight until I was able to internalize the feeling that "I am OK." Not, "I am OK despite the fact that I need to lose weight", but "I am OK, PERIOD."] If I am headed in the correct direction, I am doing fine. [But I need to be honest in what direction I am going. If I am slipping, I need to know that, and not gloss over it with past successes.]

    I have internalized that I am an individual. I do not need to be exactly like my neighbors. (Of course, being in a community requires one to respect that community's standards.) I can even dress "younger" than I did 20 years ago. I only need to answer to myself and G-d. [Caveat: If I chose to have a family, I obviously need to be responsible to those who are dependent on me.]

   So all in all, I feel that weight loss has freed me in SO many ways, but mostly from the idea that I must be perfect to have value.

Can Have it All......

The "I-can-have-my-cake-and-it-it- too-night!" The one night of the year I can stay on the computer till 1:45 and still be in bed (as regards time till tomorrow AM)by 1 PM. GRIN.(We are switching back to winter time.)  Good-night, all!

A Walk From the German Colony

   Today (theoretically yesterday, it is after midnight), I went walking with my best friend, this time in Jerusalem. We took a bus to the German colony area. There we walked around, enjoying the old buildings. There are a lot of very interesting buildings there. Some have been refurbished, many with exquisite gardens as well.

[photo: a water pump in the German colony area,]

   From there we walked back to the Mishkenot Sha'ananim area, where Montefiore's windmill stands.

[photo: old lepers hospital, located between the German colony and Mishkenot Sha'ananim]

[photo: the windmill ]

[photo: view from Jerusalem towards the desert ]

[photo: the old city walls from Mishkenot Sha'ananim]

   Then we walked all the way to the central bus station, all together getting in about 17,000 steps. As we walked back, we passed through the Mamilla Mall, and along the tourist shops on Jaffa road.  Suffice it to say that there are a lot of LOVELY things to be bought for a LOT of money!

Balance

Often we try to do "well" or be "outstanding" at something online, whether it be our blog, an online group, or a hobby we talk about. It takes a mature person to weigh the pros and cons, and to remember that being PRESENT for the real people in our lives is more important than impressing online friends. That does NOT mean that we cannot try our best for online things--- I mean, in some cases we get we get real support from online acquaintances, and the price of that support is to be an active member of the group. But we still need to be aware of how our evil inclinations (and pride) can sometimes knock us way out into left field if we are not careful.

   As an example, there is a new geo-cache in our area where they want you sign a special 'honor roll' if you find a cache that has not been found in a year. So I looked and saw that there is such a cache not too far from here. "Gee, I can find that and be on the 'honor roll'!" Then sensibility set in: "Yeah?!?? Did you take a LOOK at that cache page? You'll have to do X,Y, and Z to find that cache. It is NOT a 'park and grab' cache! It will take you several hours to do this! And for WHAT? No extra exercise here, No special scenery. Just an on-line 'honor roll'. And if you waste a morning on this, what will be with the REAL LIFE things that you have to do??"

   I have often said that the hardest choice in life is deciding what you will do today, what tomorrow--- and what, in reality, you will never get to. I mean, when I get to heaven, will anyone care there about how many geocaches I found? Or rather, if I had time for others.

[PS This does NOT mean that geocaching is a total loss of time, or should never be done. Geocaching is a great activity to do with kids. And it can help you find interesting places to do your next exercise walk at. And it can make that walk a bit more challenging and fun. I am speaking above about when we let any extra activity- or online computer groups take over our lives too much.]

19 and a Walk in Jaffa

    Today is the day that would have been Ricki's 19^th (Hebrew date) birthday. Originally I was considering going to her grave today, but since it is a Friday, yesterday I decided to go on Thursday, and then on the way home go for a walk on the  Jaffa-Tel Aviv beach promenade. 

[Image: a mosaic "19" surrounded with a heart]

(I often do this; the beach walk is a calming, thoughtful finish to visiting Ricki's grave. There is easy access to the promenade along the bus line from the graveyard.)

[Image: View from Jaffa towards Tel Aviv]

[Image: View of Jaffa from the promenade.]

Ruchie's Call

   Ruchie was a former classmate of Ricki, although since she is older that Ricki was, she finished school shortly before Ricki's death. To the best of my knowledge, her Mom never told her about Ricki's death, and she asked me not to mention it, as Ruchie would be upset, and she (the Mom) did not want to deal with that.

   During the recent holiday of Sukkot, Ruchie, apparently on vacation from work, decided to call Ricki.

   "Can I talk to Ricki?"

   "She's not here."

   "Where is she?"

  

  [Now here I didn't know what to say; I'm not going to lie.]

   "Ricki's in heaven."

  "That's nice. Ok, Bye"

   I guess that her "That's nice." is a standard answer she gives to answers she doesn't quite understand. Anyway, she didn't seem upset, so no damage was done. And I had a good smile.

Pumpkin Pie, Cheese Cake, and Walks

    One of the dishes I traditionally make for the Sukkot holiday is pumpkin pie. Maybe it's because my mom often made pumpkin pie this time of the year… I'm not sure. But one year I made it, and ever since, it has been almost a tradition. This year I also made one, but with a smaller number of guests around, the leftovers also stick around longer to tempt me. So late this afternoon a tempting idea hit me: "Go take an hour or hour-and-a-half walk, and you'll be able to have some pie now, and still have your regular once-a-week snack of cheesecake late tonight." Simply put, I could walk off the calories of a small piece of pie. 

    But early today I had already taken a good walk, and I really wanted to rest and read. But on the other hand, I was afraid that if I DIDN'T take a walk, I would have the cake anyway. Not only has it been holiday season here (and I am a bit lenient with myself as regards food during the holidays), but the pumpkin pie will not stay good indefinitely, and I wouldn't want it to spoil. [Note: Halachaikly (by Jewish law), I should definitely put my health before the mitzvah  (commandment) not to waste food, but who's being rational here??] I mean, a lot of work went into making that pie.

   But then, my common sense finally kicked in: "When you are 80 are you also going to be able to take TWO walks a day? --  Do you REALLY want to give in to indulging yourself? The holiday officially ended Thursday. - -  Do you want to get yourself re-used to eating several pieces of cake, like you USED to? You KNOW what the results will be."

   So I stayed home and read. And had pumpkin pie tonight instead of cheesecake (the cheesecake is frozen, and will keep very well until next week).

   Oh, and I pulled it off by getting BUSY tonight (taking down the decorations from the sukkah-booth. Nothing like activity to help beat cravings……..

PS. Here is the recipe:

PUMPKIN PIE (MY MOM'S RECIPE)

- for a Pyrex rectangle tray, about 25X 39 cm. size
half this amount is good for a regular pie tin

CRUST

Ingred:

5 cups sifted flour

2t. salt

2t. sugar

300 grams  (cup and a half) margarine (my Mom uses shortening, if you can get it kosher)

10-13 Tabl. COLD water

Combine dry ingredients, then add the margarine. In end add the water gradually until you have pliable, but non-sticky dough. Use a little water as needed..

If possible, refrigerate for a while before using.

FILLING:

Cook in mildly salted water about 3 kilos of pumpkin. (Minus seeds of course)

Strain WELL (save water for soup!). Mash pumpkin well, and separate about 7 cups of cooked pumpkin. Add to this:

6 eggs

2 cups brown sugar

Cinnamon (teaspoon?)

Pinch or 2 of ginger, cloves.

Add to this if you want a bit of evaporated milk or Rich creamer. (about 1/2 cup)

Roll out the crust (keep it thin-- you can patch it up if it tears.)and place in greased pie pan (rectangle) (If you are using the rectangle, you will have dough leftover). 

Pierce a few places all around with a fork.

Pour filling on top

 Bake 10 minutes at 200 degrees, then at 150 (centigrade, obviously) until filling is well set and has a slight baked tinge, and crust is lightly browned.(Total baking time about 50-60 minutes usually.) (Can stick a knife into the center, and it should come out clean)

Barriers (Both and Neither)

    Dave Hingsburger, a noted speaker on disabilities, talks in his blog about  barriers which people with physical disabilities erect in their mind after repeated disappointments. [The blog is HERE, go ahead and read it. My blog will wait a moment.]

    However, it is not only those with disabilities that do this. We all do it.

----The inner voice that says "Why diet, I'll never stick with it, I have no willpower."

----The feeling of hopelessness before Yom Kippur: "Why repent for yelling at my kids… I'll never change…."

----Or a feeling that try as you will, you can never make peace with your mother-in-law, your Aunt Celia, you cousin …..

    But on the other side, don't we also see a lot of people who claim that they CAN make a change… when the day comes that they decide to do so? (The alcoholic who claims that he could quit drinking when he wants to, and the like.)

So who is right?

Both… and neither.

   The person who believes he can change is correct… our sages tell us that as long as a person lives, he can change. HOWEVER, just deciding to change is very rarely ever enough.  To truly change, he will need to work out a livable, usable strategy. He will need to tackle whatever issues are holding him back.

  And the person who feels that he can not change realizes, correctly, that he must make a major internal overhaul in order to change. But what he does not realize is once he will start, like an exercised muscle which gains strength, the going will become much more manageable.

  Making a lasting change includes delving to the roots and reasons of our behavior, and correcting them, not just the behavior itself.

Quick Update

I had a LOVELY first three days of the holiday, and am in a good, upbeat mood. DESPITE all that I overate.
 Yes I overate. I did. I'll live with that. It is a holiday.

But enough is enough.
Back to watchfulness.

Yes. Now. Right away.

Simchat Torah… Nachas VS. True Celebration

[ BTW, a former post with pictures about the upcoming Succah (Sukkot) holiday which starts this Wednesday evening, and runs through the middle of next week, is HERE. Simchat Torah follows the day after the end of the Sukkot holiday.]

  

     Simchat Torah used to be one of my favorite holidays.

   For those not familiar with the holiday, I quote selected sections of Wikipedia:

   "Simchat Torah is a celebration marking the conclusion of the annual cycle of public Torah readings, and the beginning of a new cycle....The main celebration of Simchat Torah takes place in the synagogue during evening and morning services. …..In the morning, the last parashah[Torah reading] of Deuteronomy and the first parashah of Genesis are read in the synagogue. On each occasion, when the ark is opened, all the worshippers leave their seats to dance and sing with all the Torah scrolls in a joyous celebration that often lasts for several hours and more. ….In Orthodox synagogues, the dancing is mainly carried out by men and boys; very young girls may also be sent in to dance on their fathers' shoulders. Women and older girls…. look on from the other side of a mechitza (partition) in accordance with the rules of tzniut (modesty).

The morning service is also uniquely characterized by the calling up of each male member of the congregation for an aliyah, as well as a special aliyah for all the children in attendance."

    It used to be that for me, Simchat Torah meant hours in the synagogue, lovingly watching my children , and in later years, grandchildren, dance below. I enjoyed walking to synagogue with little children in tow, as they carried their special "degelim" (paper flags), or a fake stuffed "Torah scroll" of their own to prance around with.  When Ricki was a teen, I would often watch her watching the dancing below, gratefully noticing the teenage girls in the synagogue making space for her at the VERY overcrowded mechitza (separation window between the men and women's sections of the synagogue).

    But I wrote above: " Simchat Torah used to be one of my favorite holidays. "

    What happened????

Ricki died.

My husband is too ill to go to synagogue. And if he did, he certainly would not be dancing.

My youngest son, who is not religious, will NOT go to synagogue.

My married children prefer to stay in their own communities for the holiday, as is very common.

   So I have no one to watch in synagogue, and my husband and son will not want the meal hours and hours late just so that I can sit in the women's section of the synagogue. (They WOULD understand the delay for the sake of one of their older siblings with their children.)

   So suddenly Simchat Torah has become a holiday that "means" little more than a festive meal, robbed of its original connection to our Torah.

  I admit that originally I was rather upset with my children, who have not managed to set up a "rotation" system, where each year a different one would forgo being in their own community for the holiday. That would be easy, no?

   Well, maybe not. Do I REALLY know why no one is coming? There may be reasons that they do not share with me. Maybe their spouses parents would be alone if they did not go to THEM. Maybe there are other reasons that they need to be at home. And besides, would I REALLY want a son and daughter-in-law to come begrudgingly?????

   And why in G-d's name am I feeling sorry for myself? Are there not people in the hospital for the holiday? Women with NO kids to EVER watch dancing beneath the women's balcony?  Women with NO husband at all to say a Torah thought?

   And I myself not demeaning the holiday with MY attitude? Is Simchat Torah really about getting nachas (pleasure) from my kids and grandchildren, or is it about really celebrating the receiving of the Torah? Can I relish the gift of G-d's holy scrolls despite whatever tribulations G-d has thrown my way?

     I simply have to find a way to make the holiday meaningful to me, in another way.   

A Cream-Bo Saga

[image: vanilla and mocha-flavored creambos.]

   I was doing some grocery shopping for the upcoming holidays when I noticed the typical cardboard cartons that herald the coming of fall in Israel: carton of Cream-Bo treats.[I havewritten a post about these confections before, including a definition.] 

  I personally thought, considering the heat outside, that it is a bit early in the year for cream-bos, however, I was sure that my grandchildren would have no scruples about eating some during the upcoming sukkah holiday, and I bought a box. But I was sure to purchase the mocha flavor, it being a bit less sweet than the more prevent white vanilla ones.

   Later that evening when the delivery from the supermarket arrived, soldier-son "Y" happened to be home, and was opening the boxes for me. When he opened the delivery box containing the carton of cream-bos his eyes lit up…. And he quickly stuffed the entire box in the freezer--- we believing, in our family, that cream-bos are tastier frozen. (As he was doing this I thought to myself "So much for having any left in two weeks for the holidays….." ) Friday both he and my husband sampled one each, but I decided that  since they are a really empty 115 calories, I would wait until Saturday night, after the Yom-Kippur fast, when I would have plenty of calories to "spare".

     So a few hours after the fast (having first ingested much healthier things like vegetable soup), I decided that a cream-bo treat was in order. After two bites I told my son—"I'm sorry, but I just can't finish it. I don't like it. It is TOO sweet." No more cream-bos for me. That easy. That simple. My tastes have changed. I have gone from liking cream-bos, to preferring salads (see  above referral to previous post), to not being able to finish one. Even after a fast day.