Paying for My Sins......

    Ever since my return from the US, I have had pain in my left knee.  Before losing weight I often had bouts of knee pain., and in fact, THAT was one of my big incentives to lose weight.  But once I had lost a decent amount, my knee pain basically stopped.
   But now the pain had returned, and the orthopedist decided that I have inflammation in the joint, apparently triggered by the strain of the two and a half weeks of hiking that I had just finished.He sent me for several tests: x-ray, ultrasound, and blood tests. The blood tests were fine- no sign of gout or rheumatoid factor. But the ultrasound was another story....
   As soon as the doctor doing the ultrasound started he turned to me, puzzled. "Did you used to weigh a lot more?" I admitted that his hunch was correct, drawing the response I knew was coming: "Well, your knee is worn down MUCH more than I would expect from your present weight."
    G-R-E-A-T....
    So I am paying now for the sin of years of abusing my body with overweight. And here I had hoped that I would be OK, having lost weight....
   If you are overweight, and still young, PLEASE do yourself a favor and don't wait for your knees to hurt to START to lose.
   In the meantime, I am hoping that physiotherapy, and a gradual reduction in the swelling will lesson the pain or erase it (at least for the time being).And the best thing is that it doesn't hurt when I walk, but rather when I am sitting!

Ricki's "Yartzeit"

(Note for non-Jewish readers: "Yartzeit" is the Yiddish term for  the yearly anniversary of a death.)

 [image: a colorful stone "mosaic", heart-shaped.]

     Ricki's yartzeit (which goes by the Jewish calendar), was on Saturday, the 27^th of July.  I had expressly planned the timing of our trip to the USA in order that we return before that date, arriving here on the 23^rd. Also my dear sister-in-law would be visiting then from Brazil, so we had two reasons to be back that week.

   So on our return, in addition to unpacking, cleaning up the mess the house had gotten into (there had been others in the house during our absence), I had to spend some time with my sister –in-law, which was a pleasure. I also needed to organize the family gathering at Ricki's grave for either Friday the 26^th, or Sunday the 28^th. In the end, the married children all opted for coming on Friday, and staying over for Shabbat  (Saturday) at our house. And since I was just after a trip, THEY did (and brought) 70% of the cooking. [One of my daughters-in-law baked such an ENORMOUS amount  of challot (bread) that we froze the leftovers, and my husband and I have been eating then on the Sabbath up until and through this last week.]

   That Friday I prepared (my share) of things early, so as to be able to have the time to go to Ricki's grave in the afternoon. Finally, a bit on the late side, Ricki's siblings arrived, and we drove over to the graveyard. It was rather late, and vehicular access to the graveyard was closed. My husband cannot walk the distance to her grave, however, and after a bit of arm turning and name-dropping, my sons managed to get the guard to let one of our cars in. Meanwhile, while they were doing this, I had walked over to the grave, and had some quiet time there. I even managed to rearrange the stones on her grave (left from the last "mosaic")* into a heart. We then held a small service, and rushed back home to finish our final preparations for the Sabbath.

   The Sabbath, with several of Ricki's siblings together, was extremely nice. They enjoyed the time together. In addition, the grandchildren had an extended time together, a rare opportunity. On Saturday, during the main meal, we spent some time reminiscing about Ricki, and even a few of the older grandchildren joined us in this. (Although I was amused that the grandchildren who used to fight with her a lot, also drew her in rosy colors….). We already have noted that Ricki's yartzeit next year again falls on the weekend, and plan to do this again…….

     The only downside was that the youngest sibling (Y) who would have been able to come (ie, excluding those in America) had to be in the army that weekend. [So he planned to visit her grave on the secular date of her passing a few weeks later, although that date turned out to be rather hectic, and I'm not sure he managed it. I think he went  a week later, but I didn't ask him, as I don't want him to feel guilty if he didn't manage.]  

      I also add, tongue in cheek, that it's too bad Ricki missed that shabbas. She would have loved it….

*BTW, these "mosaics" are NOT a Jewish tradition. The tradition is to put regular pepples on a grave. The "mosaics" are my " mesugas" ("craziness").

Oh My Gosh...

  I wanted to find an old post on a certain topic, and while doing this, I was rereading several posts from about three years ago. And several of the incidents I had written about had slipped my memory.

 "Oh my gosh, I'd forgotten that!"

   Guess I'm going to have to reread my own blog!

Attack on Soldiers

   I feel that I must comment on the recent attacks by members in the Chareidi community on Chareidi soldiers.I feel that chareidi community members must stand up and say "We do NOT agree with this hooliganism!" It is time to say "the actions of the few do not speak for all of us".

Hiking in the Mountains: True Title Below

True Title: The Rabbit that Won Finished the Race; (and Realizing Your Limits)
    Last time I was visiting my mother, two years ago, I attempted two hikes where I had to turn back, due to a heavy snow cover which made the routes potentially dangerous for me.I hoped that this year, there being less snow, that I would be able to do these two hikes. One was to Black lake, the second to Timberline Falls (which lies between the Loch and Sky Pond, just before Lake of Glass). Both are substantial hikes (for me). The hike to black lake is about 10 miles round trip, with an elevation gain of 1430 feet; the hike to Timberline Falls is about 8 miles round trip, with an elevation gain of about 1200 feet from the nearest trailhead.
   Last week I did the hike to Black lake. I did it slowly (EVERYONE on the trail was passing me). But my goal was not to win the race, but to accomplish it. And even though the stones just before black lake (see photo) made me a bit nervous, I knew that I could cross them. And I did.
[image: stones at entrance to black lake, looking back]

        Today, along with my older brother, and sister-in-law, I did the hike to Timberline Falls.
[image: The grandeur of Timberline Falls, which makes the trek up 1200 feet worthwhile.]

     But here's the rub: beyond Timberline Falls lies "Lake of Glass", and a bit beyond that is "Sky Pond".  My brother often mentions "Sky Pond", and I was hoping that since I was climbing with him (and his hiking pole), I would be able to do that which I dared not do on my own: climb to Lake of Glass and Sky Pond. HOWEVER, the path to these two lakes is not a regular path. It involves climbing up the steep rocks to the right of Timberline falls.
[image: a wider view of Timberline falls, showing the smaller falls and stones next to them to the right of the major part of the falls.]

   I quickly ascertained that I did not feel comfortable nor safe doing this section of the hike, and elected to sit for a while at Timberline falls, while my brother and sister-in-law continued on to Sky Pond. Maybe I could have done it, but my fear of getting stuck in the middle, or worse yet, on the way back--- there is a very steep rock at one point along the side of the falls---- made me question the wisdom of doing it. Even if my older brother can. Even if nearly everyone else arriving at the falls did it. And I won't say that I didn't feel a bit bad about it. However, we need to be able to recognize our limits. We need to be able to trust our inner voice. We need to be able to say "I am not doing this", even when everyone else is.

Just for the Record (GRIN)

   I want to share pictures of me from four years ago as compared to now, standing at the "overhang" rock on the trail to (and from) the "pool" in Rocky mountain national park:
Four years ago:













a few days ago:

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly....

   I am currently visiting my dear Mom in Estes Park Colorado, and thus am able to hike in the rocky mountains, as I did 2 years ago, and 4, and 6 years ago.  
     Four years ago I hiked with Ricki to Cub lake, which she enjoyed. TWO years ago I hiked by myself to cub lake,  and over the ridge to the "pool", a 6.3 mile hike.It was easier two years ago, even though the hike was longer.
    Today I again did this hike (as a warmer-up to more serious hiking), and was pleased to note that I was able to do the hike with almost no breathlessness, and with relative ease. Losing weight has helped. That is the good.
   The "Bad and the Ugly" is that nearly all of the path between Cub lake and the pool was burnt to a crisp by the forest fire there last fall.
[image: burnt forest]

It looked like a scene from an "end of the world" movie screen stage. This picture (courtesy of my brother) shows a miniscule area of the acres and acres of damage. Trees which took tens of years to grow, lost in brief minutes. A terrible reminder that it is much easier to destroy something than to build it.

  Let us all build something good with our lives today.

Accosted

   This incident happened about 2 weeks ago, but I just hadn't had time to write about it. I was walking along the street in Ramat Gan (a suburb of Tel Aviv), when suddenly I heard someone muttering next to me, which at first I ignored. Suddenly I realized that a man was talking to me. He was yelling "AREN'T YOU AFRAID? PEOPLE NEED 5 JOBS TO STAY FISCAL, AREN'T YOU SCARED?"
   Apparently this barrage was brought on by the recent political climate. What amazed me was the assumptions he was making:
1) That I do not work
2) That my husband does not work
3) That my husband/sons do not (did not) serve in the army.

  What little tiny boxes of preconceived notions we pollute our minds with......

The Freedom of Being Thin

   I don't remember why I had arrived at the 92 bus stop at the shopping mall. Possibly I had been out "walking", and walking all the way home was a bit to much, or perhaps I had been shopping. But I do remember that I wanted to get home as quickly as possible. And as I approached the bus stop, the man sitting there commented "You just missed the bus; it left the stop as I was approaching the station about 3 minutes ago. "
   Now this bus runs every 20 minutes, so I understood that waiting at this stop would mean a 15 minute wait. But I had another option: a 7 minute walk away is the NEXT stop for the 92 bus, and one can also catch at that second stop, a #7 bus, which travels the same route as far as my house. So I decided to walk to the next stop, where I could catch either the next bus of the 92, or a #7 bus, whichever comes first. As I left I commented casually to the man that walking over to the next stop would increase the chances of not needing the 17 minute wait to the next 92. But I "knew" that he probably wouldn't do so....because he was extremely overweight.  A  prisoner of his body, he waited at the stop.
  I walked over to the next stop and caught a 7 bus which arrived moments after my arrival.

Awkward Encounters

    I've had a few awkward encounters lately.  The first was with a friend I haven't seen in a while- I saw her on the street, and enthusiastically greeted her, but her reaction was a bit lukewarm. Later I realized that she probably didn't recognize me (because of my weight loss), and was too busy racking her brains trying to figure out who I was.
   The second encounter was today with the mother of an older boy with Down syndrome from our town. I was on the bus, and as I went towards the back of the bus, I spotted her, and enthusiastically sat down. She was in awe over my weight loss, and after talking about that for a few moments, she asked "How's Ricki?"
  PAUSE
   "I guess you didn't hear"..(pause to let her hear that and maybe queses what is coming)..."Unfortunately Ricki died about ten months ago..."
   She, thankfully didn't fall over herself apologizing (I always DID like this lady... she is MUCH more "orthodox" than me, but she is one smart sensible lady).
    It is unbelievable that ten moths have passed already.....

Great Video

click HERE to go to video I posted about. (But there is a commercial preceding it)
This is a video about a photographer who likes to show those with special needs in a positive light.

Temorary Insanity????

Even after losing 75 kilos, I need to stay constantly on guard. 
   Lately I have been walking a bit less, and also eating more. (I can blame that on the "shavuous" holiday, but I just used the holiday as an excuse to over-indulge in my favorite food, cheesecake...)
    I need to face the fact that I am making unhealthy choices, which, if continued, will lead to weight gain. For the last two weeks I have been choosing to ignore what I know to be true, to ignore my need to put limits and draw the line.
     Tonight I am simply facing the truth of what I am choosing, and where I want to be 10 years from now.

    Dang....I will KEEP that excess weight off. NNNOOO WWWAAAYYY am I going back to the life I had before losing. NO FOOD is worth that!! Not even cheesecake.

   So back to the grind... which really isn't a grind. I ENJOY being healthy, I enjoy exercise. I won't even miss that cheesecake if I say "No" to myself. 

    I just wish that I could figure out WHY I let "holidays" be an excuse for TWO weeks instead of 2 days. Temporary insanity???

Postscript: Actually, the fact that I have been exercising less, and sleeping less in probably a significant factor in my over-extending my holiday "allowance". It all ties in together. Keeping good habits encourages other good habits as well.....

"Mother's Day" and Ricki (and the rest of my kids, even more!!)

[image: another mosaic on Ricki's grave, this time a bird (who flew away....).]

 Originally, I planned to visit Ricki's grave last Thursday, a month or so since my last visit. However, certain things cropped up, and I didn't manage, so I went today. (Even today I toyed with the idea of pushing the visit off another week or so, as I had other things I wanted to get done as well. However, I DID want to go, AND I felt as well an obligation to not put the visit off too long.)  As I was walking to her grave (it's only about a ten minute walk from the bus stop), I remembered that it's "mother's day".

    Now, I am not a big advocate of "mother's day", feeling that I need to tell my mom more than once a year that I appreciate her, and not, certainly, because someone reminded me. But with all that aside, I was struck by the irony that I was going to Ricki's grave exactly on "mother's day". 

   You see, I am still very much Ricki's mom. I think about her often, and the fact that she was my daughter is such a big part of my existence.Being a parent doesn't stop when our children grow up and move away, get married, and find jobs. We are still concerned about them--- and their families as well. We pray for them, we enjoy them,  and we sometimes even risk inserting our two cents of an opinion.

    And our offspring, in turn, often sweeten our lives by showing the  maturity that once we were never sure would take root and sprout. We see them raising their children, and interacting with their nephews, and we are touched by the similarities between this, and how they were raised, and grateful for those things they do better. 

    So happy mother's day to all you moms.... and let's try and be the moms we hope our kids will one day be. 

The Decision/Choices

   Today I saw this photo posted on the facebook page "Amber's Journey from 400 lbs to Healthy"

[image with caption: "Hey you, weight loss and a healthy life is not a fairytale. If you want it, get off your a** and work for it."]

   I LOVE it and HATE it. Why?

    I love it because it contains a very pertinent truth: Weight loss comes not from a magic Chinese tea, not from a fad diet, but from an honest-to-goodness evaluation of what is keeping you from living in a healthy way, and then making the choices that are needed to get there.

   I hate it because the forever-thin population is unlikely to know just how hard weight loss can be. I can see them smugly throwing this line to every obese person they know. And they may have no idea of just how difficult the journey can be.

     [ I have written previously on this topic HERE in a similar vein, including Jewish sources.]

    Thin people often think that the overweight person just has to "make up their mind" in order to lose the excess poundage. But in reality, true weight loss is not caused by a one-time decision, but by a 1001 choices, moment-by-moment, day-by-day. The slim population needs to realize that keeping that type of extended commitment to weight loss is an accomplishment akin to the success of a marathon runner: you only are going to achieve results with a consistent, sustained change in the way one views food and living.

   And those who are overweight need to  grasp that each individual choice is not that difficult. It is doable, and even enjoyable. If you take the journey step-by-step, you will arrive at your goal eventually.

   So to make life more fun, I have created two poster-pictures:

[image of trail sign with caption "Weight loss is not from a one-time decision. It's a series of choices, moment by moment, day by day."]

And:

[image with caption: "People who are thin don't know how hard weight-loss is. People who are overweight don't know how doable it is…..."]

Memorial Day in Israel

[This post was prompted by comments over at Shiloh Musings

 ]

   There has been a lot of debate in Israel lately about whether to keep "soldier's memorial day" back-to-back with Independence Day (preceding it) or not. Here are my thoughts on this:

1)      I do not think that we should combine, as some have suggested, Memorial Day with holocaust remembrance day. They are two entirely different things! [This is one reason I am appalled by how politicians try to cash in on holocaust remembrance day with plans for Israel today. Holocaust day should be reserved for mourning what we have lost.]

2)     If we remove soldier's remembrance memorial day to a whole week before Independence day, it will lose a lot of its significance and impact. The limitation that we cannot start independence celebrations till nightfall after the memorial day is a stark reminder that this independence came at a very heavy price.

3)      I dare say that for families who have lost a family member, they will carry it forward into the holiday in any case.

4)      What could be done is to make the last few hours of the memorial day more neutral. Ceremonies should be in the morning, and up to 2 or 3. Radio and TV should after those hours have programs which are not holiday, but with less emphasis on mourning. Shops should remain closed.

2 easy cute health hints for dieters with iphones

These things are really easy, and for the youngsters, they will laugh at me thinking that this is "news". But for the 60-year-olds like me, I just want to throw your way a few thoughts/ideas you may not have thought of...

1) accessible maps:
make a folder "health and maps" in your photos section. Move to there any screen captures of maps that you  use often when walking, route plans, and the like. Then you don't have to go through all the family pics when looking for the map

2)I always forget my target heart range, especially as there are various ways to computr it. So... :
1)Download a free heart rate  app (I use Azumio)
2)On awakening take resting pulse
3 ) go to:
   http://savvyhealthfitness.com/health-and-fitness-tools/heart-rate-zone-calculator
4) figure heart rate range
5) take screen shot
6) move photo to a "health, maps" folder of pics  (The ppint here is to make the picture easy to find and access)
NOW YOU HAVE An EASILY Accessible target heart rate chart 

 BTW, for those who say "download an app for target heart rate", I only saw 2 in app store. One has a much less accurate chart than the one on the "health and fitness" site; the second works with AVERAGE pulse. For someone with a slower-than-regular resting pulse rate (like me), the results would be way off

The Second Step

   The first step in losing weight is similar to the first step of Alcoholics Anonymous: The realization that I reached this point due to my choices, and the knowledge that I need to make some changes in my life.

   But the second step is OH so much harder!  And a lot of people never do this step, and (in my humble opinion) this is the main reason that they are not able to complete the job.

   Whoever overeats has a reason for doing so. We all want to be thin, beautiful, and healthy, so there must be a compelling reason that causes us to irrationally overeat. We are GAINING SOME BENEFIT FROM THE EXCESS FOOD. Possibilities:

-sugar gives me an energy boost when I didn't sleep enough last night…

-cake comforts my nerves when I am tense

-eating gives me something to do when bored

    These are just a few examples. The "second step" is to discover WHAT IS TRIGGERING your overeating, and find NON-FOOD ALTERNATIVES.

   Even though I am a good three years on this journey, and about 75 kilos (165 lbs) lighter, I still struggle at times with overeating. Because those "benefits" of overeating are still there, I still have to be on my toes to make sensible choices.  It is OH SO EASY to slip back to bad and unhealthy ways of dealing with tiredness and stress.

   However, on the positive side, it does become easier to make those right choices. I've learned, for example, that a good brisk walk will cure my tension even better than a cookie… and without the guilt, as well!

    And of course, making those right choices, and living healthy is a heck of a lot of fun……

Geocaching, Losing Weight, and Flexibility

   Today I went geocaching. For the first time in my life.
   A recent article on Spark People reminded me how my brother and son went geocaching together four years ago in Colorado. I was there, but hadn't joined them. Why not? Maybe because I was busy with something else. Maybe it was the sabbath (when I don't do this type of stuff...). Maybe because I had other plans. I really don't remember. But even if those had been a reason, the biggest reason would have been my weight.
   You see, when someone is very overweight, it is SSSOOO easy to get set in a grove of things that are comfortable, things you KNOW that you can do.... situations where you can be reasonably assured not to be laughed at, or spoken to in a condescending manner.
   Trying new things is scary....
-the amusement park?... I might not fit in the seat
-biking?... If I fall, can I get up? Is the bike strong enough?
-a new dance class?... maybe other people will roll their eyes, I'll be a failure at it...?

   One of the biggest gifts of my losing weight is the self assurance that I can try new things. And if I fail at something... well, everyone does, but since I am successful at MOST stuff, one small failure isn't the end

Geocaching; Losing Weight

   Today I did something fun—I went and found a geocache ! The fun was not the contents of the cache, but the challenge of finding it. And in addition, I discovered a few new small parks between a park I knew and a big park I had never WALKED to until today (but which I had gone to previously by bus), Park Wolfson. And then I turned around and walked home! (A total of  about 3 hours of walking, in addition to several errands beforehand.)

   The point here, though, is that I ENJOY walking. Climbing 50 steps to a park on a hill no longer, as it did once, make me gasp for breath. Once upon a time, even if I COULD do such a walk, I would have terrible leg pains afterwards. Today I put my legs up for 5 minutes after I got home, and felt fine.

   I doubt if people who have been very overweight for several years have a true idea of JUST how TREMENDOUS the changes in their life can be with weight loss. Let me share some of the changes I have experienced:

1)      My knees no longer hurt

2)      I can climb up the three flights of stairs to my house without stopping 2-3 times in the middle, and without feeling like I'm on the verge of a heart attack

3)      I can run to catch the "cross" light while green, before it turns to red.

4)      If I run out of onions, I pop over to the vegetable store, rather than waiting until someone comes home. And the 4 minute up and down the stairs and crossing the bit to the store in no big deal.

5)      I don't have to sew my own clothing, or go to a special store for super-big sizes. (Which charge super-big prices as well…)

6)      I can buy a bathing suit.

7)      I am no longer mortified by embarrassment when I go to the beach, pool, etc.

8)      I no longer cringe before every doctor's visit, knowing that I will be told that any problem I have will be blamed on me….

9)      I can dance and dance and dance at a wedding, and it is FUN…..

10)   Today I can use all sorts of standard things, which once were too small: seat belts, hospital gowns, bus seats, airline seats, etc etc

11)   Jewelry, watches, etc fit me.

12)   People see ME, not "My G-d, what a FAT lady!!"

13)   It is easy to pick stuff off the floor, clean under closets, climb unto chairs, climb ladders.

14)   If for some reason I am sitting on the floor, it does not take tremendous strategic maneuvers to rise.

15)   My legs (veins) no longer hurt. My cholesterol returned to normal, as did my blood pressure.

16)   I have more energy—MUCH more

In addition, I have gained the self confidence that I can accomplish my goals, even if I occasionally make a small slip. I no longer have to be "perfect" in everything, to compensate for my over-weight "deficiency".

Not a bad trade, huh, for those 75 kilos…….

   

The Big Wave

   It is currently one of the intermediate days of the Passover holiday. After a month (more or less) of cleaning, and a few days of holiday cooking, families are out enjoying the spring weather. So instead of curling up with a book (my typical chol haMoed treat) I went walking in park of the Yarkon and along the coast (only 2 1/2 hours, from Bnai Brak to Sheraton hotel). I've been looking forward to this walk the entire last month, when I haven't had the free time to do it. On reaching the Mediterranean I saw that it was very wavy, wetting the boardwalk in a few places. That was fun to watch....

   After reaching the ocean, I walked a bit (about a half hour) along the sea-side boardwalk. At one point however, it is usually very crowded (especially on "festive" days, like today. Not wanting to mess up my aerobic step count, I elected to walk the section of the sidewalk closer to the ocean - yes I could see that it was wet, but so what if I happen to catch a big wave? So my feet will get a bit wet??? Well I caught a big wave alright- and got DRENCHED head to foot.! [So drenched that I was still wet when I arrived home an hour later. (I returned by way of public transportation.)]  I also managed to do a bit of "mini exploring" in the public garden next to the Sheraton hotel, finding a lovely view of the ocean. 

[image: view of Mediterranean Ocean]

[image: view of Tel Aviv beachfront and Marina, with Jaffa in the distance.]

From there one can also see Jaffa in the distance: