Progress

  Thank G-d I did not gain this week- I stayed the same, which considering my overeating over the weekend, is good enough.  I probably managed that because this week I REALLY tried hard to keep to my plan,

[image: Drawing of swimmer.] 

  But my real progress has been with exercise. My aerobic walking speed has increased from 1100 steps in 10 minutes to up to 1200. And tonight I swam 50 laps-which I have done in the past, BUT the first 40 laps (my normal amount) I did in record time. Once it took me an hour to do the 40 laps (which equal a kilometer), and recently I managed to do them in about 56 minutes. Tonight I did them in 53. THAT'S progress!

Feeling Young, looking older

When I was obese, people used to tell me I had a "young face". Well, the last five to ten kilos (I have lost 75) have given me a LOT of wrinkles. But I knew that this would happen, and when I started losing I said: 
I can look young and feel old (staying overweight) OR 
I can look old and feel young. 

And I am glad I chose the second! 
I FEEL SSOO much younger.  

The only problem is that now I want to look young, too!    In spite of reading Batya's post...)

Losing Weight- For ME or My Ego???

   Although "Beneath the Wings" was originally a blog meant to deal with living with a teen with Down syndrome, my first post was about being overweight:

Yesterday on the bus... living fat.

Yesterday I was on the bus, and as I boarded, I automatically checked first to see if the one slightly-wider-than-most-seat was available. It wasn't, being occupied, ironically, by a waif-like wisp of a teenager. Of course. The single seats were taken as well. I like them, because even though they are a bit of a tight fit, I can relax when seated there, knowing that I am not infringing on anyone else's space. So I choose to stand, not feeling comfortable to squeeze in next to someone else. Luckily, a single seat soon was vacated, and I scooted over to sit down.

A few moments later, a woman who looks even larger than me entered, and sat down in a double seat. I even did a reality check: "Is she REALLY that much more overweight than me? Maybe I am underestimating my size?" (After all, I nearly ever look into a full-length mirror....) However, I decided that even so, she was definitely more overweight than myself. Then I wondered: Does she also feel frustrated by her weight? Is she afraid of infringing on others? Does she feel guilty for filling two seats? Is she feeling exasperated that others label her solely on the basis of her physical dimensions? (Which I was doing up to that point, I must confess.)

Amazingly, a thiny-minny teen soon filled the half-spot next to her. Was the overweight lady pleased to have someone next to her? And why do I care so much about whatever is going on in her mind?

   *     *     *     *      *   

That post was written over 5 years ago. In the interim, I have lost 75 kilos. I am viewed by others as having pretty much a normal weight. I certainly no longer get the type of snide comments, glances, and judgments that are part and parcel of the public life of anyone who is extremely overweight.

   But I still wonder over that last sentence from that post:   "And why do I care so much about whatever is going on in her mind?" Here are some thoughts:

   I believe that people who are overweight should try and lose weight. Let's face it, the quality of life, the state of our health, is so much better when we are thin. It is definitely worth the effort.

  Do I believe that I am per se a better person because I am not fat? NO. NO.  NO.  Yes, I have grown from the journey—but most of us have something in our lives that we grow from. That is what life is about, improving ourselves. So while I am a better, stronger person than I was 5 years ago, that is due to the changes in my personality arising from meeting a challenge, not to being thin in and of itself.

   And yet, I must admit that I enjoy the compliments I receive.

   In a way I feel a bit guilty for that, as if by accepting those compliments, I am validating society's warped view that sees people who are overweight as intrinsically inferior. (Yes, that sounds harsh, but often that is the message society is sending us.)   I want to be thin, in order to be as healthy and energetic as possible. As for my ego, I wish he would remember that my worth depends on G-d's opinion of me—due to my actions – and certainly not due to my weight (or lack of it….)

Walking for the Strangest Reasons….

   Today I took a long walk for a strange reason.... Today is one of the eight days of Hanukkah. And the traditional fare for the holiday,here in Israel are round circular jelly-filled doughnuts  calorie bombs.  

     Now I can do without jelly doughnuts; the other traditional food, fried potato "latkes" are much more tempting to me. However, one of the local coffee shops has complicated matters by making butterscotch doughnuts. And I love butterscotch... 
    So this morning, despite the forecasted rain, I took my favorite long walk, from my house to the ocean, and along the port area, JUST so I would burn off enough calories to enable quilt- free consumption of a butterscotch doughnut. A bit crazy, I know, but what the h-ll, even I want a donut for Hanukkah..... 

Oh, and I was rewarded for my efforts with a wonderful view of the storm clouds coming in, and a roaring wavy ocean!!!! 

PS : later I was dancing all around my kitchen : with all that sugar in my system I was ENERGETICALLY "flying"! LOL!!!!

Diet "Doughnuts"

[image: diet doughnut with a cup of coffee.]

   Friday morning was the last weekday before Hanukkah, and suddenly I realized that my husband and home-from-the-army-for-the-weekend-soldier-son would undoubtedly be expecting jelly donuts (Israel's typical Hanukkah calorie-bomb) after lighting the menorah Saturday night.

   Now I vowed NOT to fry doughnuts myself; they are too tasty (mine are) and way too fattening. But the store ones (mass-produced) are really not that tasty (too sweet). And besides, if I had even one of them, it would cost me royally- to the tune of about 400 calories.

   Then I remembered a recipe for "baked" doughnut. I dug it out, halved the recipe (knowing that leftovers would be tempting), and made some. I filled them with no-sugar blueberry jam.

   An admission: they don't taste like fried doughnuts. But I had added a bit of brandy extract (NOT brandy, just flavoring), and that, together with the blueberry filling, made them pretty good. Good enough to stave off complaints, and low-calorie enough that I could indulge in one.

   Sometimes the best way to diet is to walk around your yetzer hara (evil inclination), rather than hitting it straight on…..

I CUT MYSELF IN HALF!

   I have been trying to still lose a smidgen more, but not, it seems, hard enough. The scales have been staying very stubbornly (not nice of them) at 76 kilos. Two weeks ago I was VERY good and lost a bit. This last week I was 95% good—but Friday evening, when visiting my DD, decided that I could allow myself a bit more than normal.

   And all week I paid the price for that bit. Even though I thought that I had really been OK at that meal, allowing myself a bit more, but not a lot, a sneak peak on the scales (I usually weigh –in on Wednesdays) showed a possible GAIN. GRUMP… I should, at the most, not have lost, and remained the same.

   So two strong weeks of dieting were slaughtered by one itzy bitzy tiny desert???!? NOT FAIR!

   Then I stepped on the scales this morning. Shocked, I got off, moved it, and jumped on again. I got the same reading.

74.9

 A kilo down.

75 kilos lost in total.

My original goal.

Lowest I ever weighed in my teen-adult years…

HALF OF MY FORMER WEIGHT

YU-HOO!

Bullying, Role Models

In THIS article, NBC news tells about a local news anchor who was criticized for her obesity.The writer of the email expressed rage that she was , as an obese person, a poor role model.
   EXCUSE ME?!?
    The criticism came from a writer who admitted to not being a regular viewer of the show. Perhaps the news anchor has even promoted healthy living.
   However, our world is unfortunately full of people who feel that they can trample on other person's feelings. I remember being a new mother in the hospital and having another patient tell me "You know, you are fat." I replied much as the news anchor did: "Do you really think you are telling me something I didn't know?"
   All of us are imperfect. But people who are overweight are easy targets for criticism, because their flaw is visible for all to see, But people who are not overweight may often not realize just how difficult the journey to health is.People who are severely overweight often have some psychological issue playing part in their overeating, and entrenched habits ARE difficult to break. Just this week, with holiday meals coupled up with lack of sleep AND stress, I found myself noshing (snacking) on cake more than my "holiday lee-way" would allow.
    Now I am confident that as I get back into post-holiday routine in a week, having more time for exercise, I will be able to deal with stress in healthier and more productive ways.But I do not feel that my ability over the last three years to lose 70 (plus) kilos means that I am any better than a person who is fat. Yes, I am healthier in all probability. And I may live longer. But I am not intrinsically superior.Because we all have our weaknesses, and if someone's fault is NOT readily visible, that does not mean that it doesn't exist. I certainly would see a woman who was overweight as a superior role model than a person who shoots off his mouth.

No Shortcuts!

   Why am I sitting down in the middle of the morning to write this blog post, when I really have better things to do?

   Well, I am one of those persons that our sages call “truth zealots” – people who have trouble seeing lies and shutting up about it. That’s one factor.

   The second factor is that due to religious restrictions (lasting about a month) on listening to instrumental music, I have been listening to a (religious) radio station while working, rather than my MP3 music collection. And, invariably I am subjected to their ads. And the problem is that whenever the ads play, my blood boils, until finally I gave up and say now to write my reaction….

   So what has me up at arms? There are SO many things wrong in the world, but the blatant lies of a weight-loss pill company has me boiling.

   “Lose weight! Eat all you want! Abandon your unnecessary diets! Lose up to 8 kilos a month! Join the thousands who have lost (with our product)”

   Is there anyone who believes this  %^>*$##*$$& rubbish  ???

   The only way to lose weight in a healthy way, long term, is through SENSIBLE diet and exercise. And 8 kilos a month is not plausible. True, you can easily lose 2 kilos the first week of a diet, but it won’t continue that way.

    Losing weight sensibly means figuring out what is triggering your overeating, and finding other (non-food) means to achieve those things.

   And if anyone out there is hoping that maybe, just maybe, this   %^>*$##*$$&  works, the proof that it doesn’t is in their own advertising.

   If YOU had lost weight successfully with a miracle product, wouldn’t you tell your overweight friends? Of course you would. So IF they had “thousands” of successful weight-loss clients, believe me, they WOULDN’T have to pay for prime-time advertizing…….

   Sorry. There are no shortcuts. But believe me, this “long and winding road” to true weight loss is doable, enjoyable, and FUN!

The Unwanted Script

   Today (ie, Sunday) was a slightly hectic day. I was raring to start my pre-Pesach (Passover) work, having finally last week decided what work to do each week until the holiday arrives (in a bit under two months). My allotted task for the morning was to buy cleaning supplies, as well as several items which I had noted last year at Passover’s end, as items “needed for next year”. In addition I had to make some routine blood tests in the morning, which meant fasting until 10 AM. That in itself should pose no problem. But I was feeling a little queasy; perhaps I had caught a “bug” after traipsing around in the drizzling rain Friday night. (Well, I HAD to get my steps in……)

   So I decided to take my breakfast with me: a diet yogurt. But on opening the fridge, I discovered that it was missing. (Ricki must have noticed it…) So on the spur of the moment, I decided that I would buy breakfast on the way to the stores, after the blood tests. I HAD calories I could use for breakfast. Since I was fasting, I hadn’t even had my morning coffee….

   The blood tests went easily. (….amazing how much easier for the technician to find a vein now that I weigh less…..) So I set out to have breakfast. I purposely passed the bakery, and went to a new “Italian corner” eatery I ad noticed of late.

   To make a long story short, the menu choices were NOT particularly dietetic, but I ordered a grilled sandwich, instructing them to cut it in half (the roll was huge…). To my dismay, on receiving the sandwich, I could see that they had smeared it with oil. (I could have ordered the salad with “rich cheese” for a lesser calorie count…) But time was passing, and I was hungry, so I ate the half sandwich. But it did put me about 100 calories past where I wanted to be at 11 am.

   On arriving home at 2pm, I had a milk drink, but still felt a bit under the weather. Soon I found myself polishing off a slice (SMALL slice) of cake from the freezer.

   “WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?” I queried myself. Apparently that old former internal script had reappeared….those lines inside my head that condone overeating as a way to deal with feeling under the weather or tiredness.

   You would think that after two and a half years of eating properly, those lines would have vacated my head, but no, they hadn’t. They had just lain in wait (“sin crouches by the door”) for an opportune moment.

   Of course, once I noted what was happening, I put a stop to it, being a little bit wiser, and a lot more on guard. In the end, I managed to close the day only 200 calories above my plan. Not bad.

   But I learned today that I will probably be “fat” in my mind forever.

The Sale

Once (about two years ago) I was in a big-size clothing store when I overheard a customer complaining about the truly exorbitant prices. The saleswoman noted that big sizes need more cloth, but that excuse was (and is) a flimsy one. The truth is that the store, knowing that their shoppers have few choices as regards where to obtain ready-made clothing in large sizes, can charge whatever they want. (The cloth in a 300shekel blouse, even in size 60, costs at the most 60-100 shekel.) The only option is for shoppers to wait until the end-of-the-season-sale, when they can buy the blouse at a regular (but not regular SALE) price. So this year I had a real pleasure. Finally I am what is considered a “normal” size. A size that appears in the racks of “sale” clothing in normal stores… So I went and tried on a few things, bought a few items that were a bit snug (they ought to be perfect next winter), as well as a few summer items that I found. Losing weight is FUN!!! GRIN.

Again, the Fads

As reported here,the FDA has issued a warning about the hcg-containing diet fad. And EVEN if it would work, can one REALLY believe that they will be able to maintain a healthy lifestyle on 500-800 calories daily? Do people imagine that after losing weight on a fad diet, that they will be able to maintain that loss?
FACE IT! If you want to lose weight, and most importantly keep it off and feel good while doing so, you need:
1) An eating plan that takes in mind your likes and dislikes, your schedule, and preferences. (For example a diet advocating an big luscious (and yes, healthy) salad for breakfast is just not going to work if you have to be at work at 8AM, and you have kids to get to school as well….unless you adore old, wilted salads made the night before…)
2) An eating plan that takes into account basic nutritional balance, with fruits, vegetables, protein (including milk products), carbohydrates, and a smidgen of fat. People whose dietary preferences are WAY off (like they never eat fruit or vegetables, or dairy products) need to move in the direction of a healthier balance of food. People allergic to foods like milk will need expert advice from a good nutritionist on how to get the nutrients they need within a lower-calorie eating plan.
3) Some exercise weekly, preferably increasing gradually to a decent amount of aerobic exercise. Not only will this give you a (minimal) boost in weight loss, but you should be healthier and feel better as a result.
4) To allow yourself to be “human” (but just a BIT)- an occasional SMALL snack or coveted food, a small extra splurge on holidays (but you DO understand that this needs to be within reason…). If you never allow yourself a BIT of leave-way, eventually you will decide that the diet isn’t livable.

THERE ARE NO MAGIC PILLS. SORRY.

But if you adopt a sensible eating plan as outlined above, you can slowly lose weight, and feel good doing it. THAT is magical, believe me!

"By Now, You are Beyond Caring What Others Think, Aren't You?"

I was talking to a friend about our family news. Some was about some of my sons, who are not "religious", as is standard in our neighborhood.
"But you are beyond caring what others will think, aren't you?"
And, I had to admit, that I pretty much am, at least as regards my sons and my husband. But when my own short-failings come into view (ie., about my overweight), it is a different matter.
Take the other day. It was about noon and I was out running errands. I was hot, and made my way over to a small drinks vender, intending to buy as diet coke. Then I noticed that they had diet (39 calorie) ice cream bars. I bought it. But as I unwrapped it, I planned to hold the paper wrapping in my hand until I finished. Thus, MAYBE, passersby would notice that it was dietetic. Imagine if you see someone extremely overweight eating an ice cream bar, Most people would assume that they just don't care, are not trying, are irresponsible, etc. I don't want to be judged like that.
Then I grinned and threw the paper in the trash.
"You swollen-head egotist" I berated myself, "Do you really think that ANYONE passing by gives a HOOT about what you are eating, and thinks about it?!??? You are so self-conceited; you are lucky that THAT isn't as visible as the fat!"

Battering Away at that Wicked Little Man in My Head

What frustrates the blazes out of me is that wicked little voice in my head who keeps trying to ruin everything. The one who points out the cake in the freezer, who says that it is too hot to go out walking, etc. He is cunning, always coming up with "new" ideas, and methods.
"Just one more piece..."
"After all, it is the holidays..."
"Tomarrow's a Fast Day..."
And I know that he will never go away. Just have to keep battering away at him, and let him know that NO, I won't listen....

Yesterday’s Fast

Yesterday’s Fast- #1
Yesterday was a fast day (25 hours no food or drink), from sundown Saturday until 8PM Sunday. Here in Israel, one usually doesn’t feel hungry, but rather thirsty. Anyone with any sense stays in an air-conditioned area most of the day.
(Now any of you who are overweight shouldn’t think that this fasting helps with weight control. One usually has a decent-sized meal before the fast, and a hearty one afterwards, so that stretches the stomach. So anyone who diets with frequent, very small meals, and whose stomach has adjusted to that misses out!)
What is interesting is that once you have a “given”, a firm resolution, that you are fasting, the yetzer hora (evil inclination) sort of disappears. Even if you get hungry, you shrug that off and go get busy with something else. The chocolate in the high cabnit (YOU would never bring it home, someone else did you the “favor”) doesn’t “sing” to you. The kids leftovers go to the trash without qualms of “waste”.
So why is it so different when we diet? OK, if one diets successfully for several days, one can also get the feeling that overeating is not a choice or viable option. And the stomach shrinks, and that helps too. But why is it SO much more difficult not to eat on the first days of a diet, than on a fast day? I think there are a few reasons:
1. The commitment is stronger, the sense that “I can not fail” is greater. If I wouldn’t fast, my 16 year old would think I went crazy, and as for dieting… he probably expects me to not succeed. So when dieting, a failure is less damaging to my self esteem.
2. On a fast day, I expect to have less output. On minor (daytime only) fasts, people pretty much work as usual. On a major fast day, no one expects you to accomplish the usual by the afternoon hours. When dieting, we force ourselves to “carry on”, even if we feel terrible.

So I can think now of a few hints to help start a new diet. One is commitment. Make it strong. Non-negotiable. Maybe promise yourself a prize for the end of “one week on” that is big enough that you won’t consider falling back.
Second would be to try and start a diet during a time when you are busy… yet able to give yourself some slack if needed. Don’t start that new diet just before Pesach (Passover), when you can’t dream of resting… but rather during a time that an afternoon nap can be fitted in if you are “weak and ravenous”.

Yesterday’s Fast- #2
I did not expect Ricki to fast on Tishe B’Av (the fast). I decided years ago that our “fasting” energies/brainwashing/ etc will be saved for Yom Kippur, the most serious fast. And besides, Yom Kippur is NOT in the heat of the summer, which makes it easier.
However, I did make it clear that a big girl like her could jolly well not eat at night (especially after a full pre-fast meal). And she was OK with that. In the morning she had a fried egg, but skipped the bread as it got burnt. And then she noticed that everyone else was fasting. (There being no young children in the house.) So she stopped eating. She stopped drinking. For a girl that LOVES eating, this is a major feat, and shows just how important it is for Ricki to feel like everyone else. It’s important enough for her to forgo food and drink. She finally gave up an hour before the end of the fast, but she deserves a real ovation!