"If Only"

We had a lot of fun over Shabbas (Saturday). In addition to having my married children over, as well as most of their unmarried siblings, we went in the afternoon to visit my step-daughter and her family as well. There were so many things to notice:
-One of my (soon-to-be-married) daughter’s nieces looked exactly like my daughter did at that age. (Which is not too surprising, as she and her brother share a lot of features.)
-two grandkids born 3 days apart, are so different in abilities. One is laid –back and easy going, and so is not as advanced as his powerhouse cousin
-One of my black-haired sons and his black-haired wife has a GORGEOUS cute curly-haired blond baby girl. And every time I said this, I hoped the daughter in law who has a baby girl about the same age wasn’t listening.. ( I praised HER daughter for being such a calm baby.)

These things we all noticed.

I also noticed my step-daughter’s oldest child, a girl barely half a year older than Ricki.
So capable. So helpful.
My G-d, my life would be so different if Ricki was “normal”. Ricki could have been like that.

But for once I locked the pain away, and shut up. I didn’t share these thoughts with anyone. Besides, what good will an “if only” do? I don’t see any practical benefit.
But there are a lot of good things we would- the whole family- have missed out on if Ricki had been born “normal”:
-the ability to accept others as they are
-the knowledge that life doesn’t always give you things on a silver platter
-gratitude when things are normal—not taking that for granted

Guess you can’t have your cake and eat it too…..