I want to share with you something I wrote out for someone:
1. Acceptance of the Diagnosis Does Not Mean that You Have to be Pollyanna
I initially received the diagnosis of Ricki’s Down syndrome very well (maybe because I had a relative who for years had been telling me that if I kept on having kids eventually I'd have a Down….). However, I did wonder how long it would take until that thought “I had a baby with Down syndrome” would not be my first thought on arising in the morning. Eventually, after about three weeks, it happened. I was starting to accept it as part of our lives.
When Ricki was about two months old, I went to a friend's baby’s circumcision celebration.. (This in itself was perhaps a mistake. I was straining not to be jealous.) Someone commented about how "well" I was handling Ricki’s diagnosis. I turned to a friend who had lost a child to cancer, and said, "You know I prayed very hard for a girl this pregnancy. Sometimes I feel like SCREAMMING ‘G-d, this is not the type of girl I pleaded for.’" She told me that to be "accepting" is not saying, “Hey G-d, thanks so much for giving me this kid with DS. It is gulping and accepting it, and going on…."
2. Acceptance of the Diagnosis is Likely to Come Piecemeal, in Stages
Later, when Ricki was about 6 months old, and I was overwhelmed with therapies, Passover cleaning, etc., I was standing one day with her at the bus stop. I said "G-d, I just can't take this any more…" I paused. In a moment of self-reflection, I thought: "Ah, Rickismom, you want things to be easier? Who said it is to be easy???" And then and there I said to myself, “I am the mommy. I am deciding that therapy can wait three weeks till after Passover.” At this point in time, I was not only reaccepting the challenge, but empowering myself with the knowledge that I am the one who knows what is best for my family, including both myself and Ricki.