My “Schizophrenic” Teen

Yesterday morning, Ricki was in a great mood. She was ready to leave for school on time, and was looking forward to her day. As she was leaving the house, she asked me to “come here”. When I did, she gave me a big kiss and a hug.
But like any teen, her moods change, and by the evening she was screaming at me that I dared limit her to 3 slices of bread (instead of my desire for 2 and her demand for 5 slices) as part of her supper……

The Perfect Match?

The “perfect match” is Ricki as a (supervised) babysitter for her nine-month old nephew. Today I had to babysit my grandson, and all I had to do was supervise Ricki. She latterly gave him a “song and dance”, as well as hours and hours of play. She wore him out. I became tired just listening…….

"Shadow Shot Sunday"

[image: palm tree shadow]

Elul, a Shofer, and the Air Conditioning

I live in a building that is attached to a shul (synagogue). This has some disadvantages (mostly due to bored boys who exit the building without supervision), but there are several advantages as well.
For years, I especially enjoyed living over the shul during the Jewish month of “Elul”. During Elul, in preparation for the days of repentance, there is a custom to blow a shofer immediately after the morning services. (A “shofer” if a trumpet-horn-like instrument made from the horn of an animal (often a Ram). The distinctive trumpting of the shofer-horn rose from the windows of the synagogue, I am knew that the days of introspection were here.
But now Elul is more than half over, and it could be a different month, or so I feel. Why? Because the shul now has air conditioning, the windows are closed, and I don’t hear the shofer at all. I don’t begrudge them their air conditioning; it is so hot that it would be callous to begrudge them that comfort. But I miss the shofer. So in an effort to get into a mood for introspection I am substituting with Rabinical lectures on my MP3 player, but it just doesn’t effect me the way the shofer used to…..

Three Topics: The Conversation / The Picnic Lunch/ Update on "Frustrating"

A friend of mine who is blind comes regularly to my library of English books; she reads them using an electronic “reading machine”. Recently when she was here, Ricki came into the living room as we were talking. Ricki knows that my friend is blind; we have talked about it before. But this time Ricki started talking to my friend. She wanted to know why she wants to borrow books, and she answered my friend’s questions about when school starts again (next week, by the way).
This was a better conversation than Ricki has had with anyone for a while. Usually when people start to talk with her, she scowls and acts very rude. I suspect that the simple fact that my friend did NOT speak to her in a condescending tone, or give an opening statement of “Oh , she’s SO cute…” made all the difference.

PS Addition:
I mentioned that my friend is blind because I suspect that the reason Ricki responded well to her was not due to Ricki's perception of my friend as being disabled, but rather due to my friend's ability to treat Ricki as she wishes others would treat her: without condensation. Today another friend of mine was here for the library, and she also spoke to Ricki nicely, and got the same appropriate type of responses.

And a change of subject:
[image: a pigeon eating out the center of a loaf of bread.]

I saw this pigeon having a “picnic lunch” the other day in the park.





Update “Frustrating”:
Last night at the pool I found something that HAS changed for the better recently (since I increased my step count): my endurance. Only a month ago at the pool I did 25 laps, and even those were only about ¾ in crawl stroke. Since I was too winded to do the entire lap in crawl, I finished them all in a slow side stroke. The next week I did 30 laps, also about ¾ in crawl, in about an hour. Last week I did 30 laps in about 45 minutes. Last night I did 40 laps, ALL of them entirely in crawl, in an hour and 5 minutes. And one of the young thin women there (she was swimming in the same area as me, but about twice as fast) complimented me on my swim style and perseverance……
[Gee, isn’t it amazing how the compliment of someone you don’t even know can make you feel like a diamond?]

special exposure Wednesday

more pictures from the park:


You will find more of "Special Exposure QWednesday HERE.

Frustrating....

I have recently (over the last two weeks) increased my step count from 10000 steps daily to, at least temporarily, 15000 steps daily. This has not been easy; it is hot and humid here. I have continued my diet,checking portion sizes, yet I find that I am still losing the same 1/2 to 2/3 kilos weekly. I had hoped for more.

OK. I understand that fat is becoming muscle, etc. But a wicked voice inside my head asks HOW will I beable to maintain my weight loss when I am NOT walking 15000 steps daily? I can't keep the pace up forever, the time involved is too much for long-term maintenence. I guess that this is a "bridge" I will have to cross when I reach it.....
[When I weighed forty kilos more than today, I could lose a full kilo weekly without exercise. Now that I have lost almost half of my excess weight, I have to be above 10000 steps daily to lose on a 1500 calorie diet. When I lose more, will I have to walk even MORE to continue losing???? Or go below 1500, which is difficult for me....?????]
But of course the main point is to continue eating healthyly, and to keep as active as time allows.....Every half kilo lost is a step in the right direction......

Motivation: an Interesting (I think) but bit more time-consuming post....)

What will be time-comsuming about this post is the ten minutes needed to watch this video clip. But please do, and then read on below.....

If, as what this video asserts, pure monetary/ prize-type rewards don’t work in cases involving higher cognitive tasks, maybe we should be paying more attention to what DOES work. Even in our intellectually-impaired children. True, they will be doing mostly the simpler type of tasks where prize-type rewards work, but I think that the other types of rewards need to be pursued by us as well:
-autonomy
-mastery
-purpose

* Autonomy
What teenager doesn’t want to be his “own boss? And I have news for you: so do teens with intellectual impairments. The more we can show our child that skills will help them be autonomous, and the more autonomy that we give them as they work, often we can get better results. Often I find that Ricki will work better on a project (that she IS capable to do alone), if I let her know that she HAS the abilities, and I leave her alone for five minutes (even setting a timer), and let her work alone, saying I will return when the timer rings.

* Mastery
Few things are as motivating as realizing that you are competent at something. I know that Ricki HATED sewing until she developed her skills in sewing, and then suddenly she began to enjoy it. If your child can fry an egg, except for one small part of the task, try and teach him the final part, so that they will gain full mastery. A good way of teaching new skills is to “backstep”. [To do this, list EVERY SINGLE part of the task that needs to be learned, in order of performance, and start with the LAST step first. (And move backwards step-by-step as he learns…) This gives the child/young adult a realization that this study will lead to mastery.]

* Purpose
Our special-needs population also enjoys having a purpose to their job, and a chance to do a good deed. Try to give them chances where they can help others.

Again…..

Ricki has lost her glasses again. Yes, AGAIN. She claims that they fell off when she looked downstairs from the railed-in window, and the glasses fell three stories and broke.
I found no glasses below (whole or broken), so I don’t know WHAT to think. Now she is pestering me for a replacement (she DOES need them), but in the meantime I’ve lost the prescription, so I will have to contact Ricki’s eye doctor…..
In the meantime, I checked with the eyeglasses store if they have a copy. (Our former store always did, but this new store is MUCH cheaper....). They don't.
The saleswoman asked why I bother to buy the glasses if they get lost so quickly. Well, the fact that Ricki can barely read without them... and she can't read her watch at all (and I am TRYING to teach her to read her watch this month)....resupplying Ricki is simply not an option. But I AM letting her sweat it out for a few days......

Link:

HERE is an excellent post on the "facebook" pictures of Eden Abergil.

"Sparkle" Special-Needs Cheerleading

Find more videos like this on Get Ur Good On

hat tip: Mikimi

Acceptance???? I’m Not Sure

Recently I read a post about acceptance of our children and their intellectual disability. A commenter mentioned that his parents truly “accepted” his sister (who has Down syndrome), and the example he gave was their non-chalance about her “belting” out a song in a restaurant.
Quite frankly, I was upset by the assumption that acceptance means letting your child act inappropriately.
I am happy with my daughter and have no trouble with her disability (well, almost no trouble; let’s be honest….). However, not withstanding that acceptance, I wouldn't let her belt out a song in a restaurant. People are paying money for a nice evening need not be accosted with noise. IF a child does something off the wall, has a meltdown. etc, yes, other patrons should understand. But to encourage behavior that is disturbing others is no big mitzvah (good deed) in my eyes. I would not tolerate such behavior from my other children, why should I tolerate it in Ricki? If I would, am I not sending her a message that she is less responsible for her actions, and less capable of controlling them than my other children?

What do YOU think?

Special Exposure Wednesday- The Photographer (Number 2)

[images: Ricki taking photos]



You will find more of "Special Exposure Wednesday HERE.

Update: Walking

[images: the walking path in Park HaYarkon]


In this morning's post I mentioned a local park and its walking path. This afternoon I took Ricki to the same park by way of two buses, and later we walked along the walking path to a station where we could take one bus to reach home. Although it was already dusk, the path is both well light and full of walkers/bikers, so it is safe. (Again, I am talking about central Israel, not the US.) They even have reflective green patches implanted in the pavement to mark it.
This evening the path was even more populated than in the morning. I noticed one runner going top speed with a prosthetic leg, and there were (besides several individual bikers/walkers/runners) several large groups of runners. As one group passed I heard the "leader" telling everyone "Hey, its one kilometer here; do those in back hear me???"
By the time we reached the end of the 40 minute walk Ricki was complaining bitterly, but she survived.......

Two Short Vignettes

This morning in order to get in a good 2 hour walk I headed towards the opposite direction than my usual one. I walked to the nearest shopping center, a half-hour walk that I already do occasionally, and from there across the Maccabbiah bridge over the Yarkon River. The area around the bridge has been fixed up, and on the other side what years ago used to be a dirt path to the nearest park has become a paved walking/cycling path. This path is a good path for a walker in a lazy mood- it is LEVEL. And it has another big advantage: it is almost entirely in the shade.
The path was pretty busy this morning, mostly with cyclers, one or two roller-bladers, and a few walkers. Then I saw someone coming in what looked like a sleek low-lying race car coming my way. I realized within seconds that this was a special bicycle propelled solely by hand movements for the disabled. How fantastic! It turns out that there where about 6 disabled people biking along at a good clip, one even using one hand.
Now I ask all of you who are NOT getting any exercise (even twenty-thirty minutes of walking): What in the world is YOUR excuse???? If we have a healthy body, let’s take care of it!
* * * *
On my arrival home, I stopped in the grocery store. First I peered in the fridge wondering for the umpteenth time why in the world he doesn’t carry any cold bottles of diet drink…. But realizing that my budget will benefit if I wait and drink at home (I HAD 2 bottles of drink with me, but had already polished them off), I didn’t complain. I just purchased two milk and wearily climbed my stairs. On opening the refrigerator, I was greeted with the sight of some six bags of milk, several fruit yogurts, and about 4 tubs of cheese. Ricki , very pleased with herself, announced that she had gone to the grocery to save me the work (and buy herself a treat as well). Of course I made Ricki return the enormous purchase, which she did, rather grumpily, muttering under her breath about how mean I am……

The “Tzedukka” Lady

[Note: “Tzeddaka” means charity.]
There are several people who collect charity in our neighborhood, on street corners, or by going dor-to-door. Many are “regulars”. But one is special.
This “tzedukka lady" sits under a sunshade outside the house of an important Rabbi who lives about a five minute walk from my house, near the shopping district. She has obviously impaired hands, with stumbled fingers. But what you notice most about her is her smile. She is always thankful for what she receives, and will ask you how you are, giving you a 1000 carat smile. Thus I never feel that she is a “taker”, but rather a “giver”. I am sure that she collects much more money than those “collectors” who scowl.

And what about me?
Won’t I reap better results if I smile? No, I don’t collect money. But I suspect that I will catch more good will from my children, more positive reactions, if I present with a smile rather than a frown…..

Haveil Havalim #280

Haveil Havalim #280 (jewish Blogshpere Carnival) is up HERE. This posting does not imply endorsement of any of the views expressed.

The Missed Picture

Yesterday morning as I was taking my early morning shabbas stroll, I saw a cat sitting in the middle of the street. (He was able to sit there patiently and fearlessly as the streets in our town are closed to vehicular traffic on shabbas, except for emergencies and medical necessities.) Scattered around him, eating crumbs from the street, were about 5 or 6 pigeons, each at a decent distance from him, He was hungrily eying them; they were keeping their distance.
Of course, I don’t carry a camera on shabbas, and as has often occurred in the past, this is invariably when I notice the best shots. Sometimes I can get a close approximation of the shot the next day, but more often I can’t. just as I don’t carry my camera on Saturdays, I also don’t have my MP3 player on either. I suspect that not having my MP3 player on makes me more attentive to my surroundings and hence more likely to notice good photo opportunities………..

SOOC (Straight out of Camera) Saturday: Search for the Sun

[Image: flower seen from sidewalk level]

I found this flower growing sideways in a search for the life-giving sun......

Privileged Class?

I have noticed something strange. When ever my married sons come to visit for the weekend, I invariably cook nicer and fancier foods for shabbas (the Sabbath). The question is “why?”. I mean, aren’t the children living at home and my husband equally deserving of the same things?
I suspect that part of it has to do with the fact that when there are more “eaters”, it gives me more flexibility in the number of dishes I can prepare and expect not to be loaded with an inordinate amount of leftovers. And, as much as I hate to admit it, part of the “extra” cooking has to do with my pride and wanting to impress/please my daughters-in-law. And occasionally it has to do with the pleasure I get when one of my married sons is served a home-made favorite food, one of those gastronomic triggers of memories of “home”. A final reason is that usually the “couples” will come at the time of a holiday, so there is the added impetus to cook something special for “yom tov” (the holiday).
But my son who is in the army is home for most weekends as well. And he has also moved up to the “privileged” class. I am more likely to bake homemade challahs (loaves of bread for the Sabbath), and I am more likely to bake pizza for Thursday evening dinner than I am when he is not coming. Just as with his older brothers, I enjoy seeing his face light up when he sees that I am baking challahs. But here I feel that a big part of it has to do with the fact that I feel that after a week or two of army victuals, he is entitled to some treats. But there is, I think, a third reason as well. Every weekend, at least some of the small jobs I have asked other members of the family to attend to (but which haven’t gotten done), suddenly get taken care if. The life of a soldier has made him much more aware than his siblings that “If you don’t do your part, the whole group suffers….”. If my soldier-son can’t do it himself, he can usually convince his brothers to do their share of the household’s running. So I really look forward to his coming for the weekend (I would ANYWAY, but this makes it even more so….), and I naturally react accordingly.