Thursday, May 20, 2010

I Just Can’t Make Her Over…..

As I have said before, I am NOT one of those parents who am so grateful that my child is retarded that I would leave her unchanged if a cure were to be discovered. Oh No….
In fact, in a way, I have been trying to change her since she was born. All of our work with Ricki, over the years, has been, in effect, an attempt to help her, despite her disability, to fit into and manage along in a non-disabled world. And, of course, we were only partly successful.
Yes, Ricki can do a lot, and manages many things very well. She can take a grocery list to the store, read it, collect the items, and list them all for the cashier. She can ride any bus route that she is familiar with. She knows how to compliment someone else’s cooking. The list is endless.
But even more endless is the list of things that Ricki still needs to learn in order to live an even halfway independent life… and as she gets older, the distance between her and the remainder of society grows and grows. I realize that I need to help her while simultaneously come to grips with the fact that in many areas I will NOT be able to help her effect a change.
G-d just showing me my limitations, again!

1 comment:

RivkA with a capital A said...

nitpicky grammar correction: one of those parents who ARE.... (the verb is connected to the work "parents" (pl) not "I" (s.)

I think this is true about most relationships, especially with children. At some point we, as parents, realize we cannot "fix" them and have to give them the space to be who they are.

I know how challenging this is with a "normal" kid, I cannot imagine how hard it must be with a kid with special needs.