Chicken Bones, Behavior Plans, and the Lilliputian Mommy

PART A
Ricki has (and I wish I could write “HAD”) a penchant – no, a compulsion – to throw things on the floor. For a long time we hadn’t really noticed, except to admonish her when picking something up. Then, about 2months (6 weeks ?) ago, I decided that enough is enough. The whole family united behind the cause, and for 6-8 weeks now, Ricki has been summoned whenever we saw any extraneous objects or trash lying around. I was sure that eventually she would realize that” going to the trash can” is easier than “being pulled away from whatever you are doing” followed by “ going to the trash can”. Well, either “eventually” hasn’t arrived, or, for whatever reason there may be, the message is not progressing through the circuits of her brain. I had arrived at this conclusion yesterday morning, and the development of some possible behavior program seemed to be in order. I just wasn’t looking forward top taking the time needed to analyze the situation thoroughly and develop a plan.
I was pleased, however, that in the area of schoolwork, she has been improving, both at school, and with homework at home. I had been able to give her several reinforcing prizes as a result, and had hopes for continued success in this area.
Then yesterday afternoon Ricki asked me to do something on the computer for her. Concurrently she was supposed to have lunch. As I finished the computer work, and headed towards the dining area, a sight I hadn’t seen for a while met my eyes: Ricki had strewn the bones from her chicken all over the floor around the chair. Ricki was already on her way to the computer, and I followed her. I shut the machine off despite my daughter’s vehement protests. I decided that even though a Positive Behavior Plan was not yet in place, it was time to go with Ricki to a higher level of interaction over thrown objects: Utter disregard for household rules would need more than a verbal “wrist-slap” and a trip to the trash can. It was time for her to realize that not only could her privileges be postponed (as she took things to the trash), they could also become forfeit.

PART B
Ricki actually took the closure of the computer, her favorite pastime, reasonably well. That alone shows that she realized that there was a definite measure of justice in the sentencing. Quickly enough, she went to one of her other favorite activities: playing teacher. I soon noticed that not only was she playing “teacher”, she was actually doing some of her homework as she did so! True, it was homework due on Friday, and she had much more pressing things to do... but homework IS homework.

PART C
Two hours passed, and I finally told Ricki that while her “teaching” was fine, it was time to sit down with me and look at the homework due on the morrow. Her response that she was teaching “Gilli” (her imaginary friend), is a rather typical response on her part, and I told her that the homework I had for her was more important. Yet at the same time, I was busy preparing certain visual aids for her use in class, and I sort of let things slip. And again this happened about a half-hour later.
Finally, after about an hour and a half (YIKES!!! HOW did I let het get away with that for so long??? ), I lay down the law: come do homework NOW, OR ELSE. So she turned to “Gili” and begged Gili to let her go, that she Gili would manage...

Ricki needed Gili’s permission to listen to me.
I feel about two inches high.

(Wicked Grin)I warned Ricki that Gili can cook her lunch and wash her laundry tomorrow.

Try this Tuesday- Timer and Homework

I have found the timer useful in doing homework. On one side, Ricki wanted, as a teen, more independence. Sitting beside her only led to her turning her back and trying to hide her work. But since she is included, she does need help at times with her homework. So I now explain a task, set the timer for 5 minutes, telling her that she should work alone for 5 minutes. Then I go and do some housework in a different room, and when the timer rings, I come to check her work, give help if needed, etc.. This way I get more done during the day, and she works more independently.
Obviously, positive reinforcement for effort and good work can be added in.

Also, it is important, VERY important, to praise the child’s efforts to work independently. On returning to check the work, avoid critical comments about the results. Any corrections that need to be made should be sandwhiched between positive points. For example:
“Ricki, I can see that you sat for the full five minutes and worked very hard. You wrote in the line. Very nice! By the way, “their” is spelled “ei”. I’ll write that here on this note, and you can copy from there. I see that you crossed your t’s very nicely.”

The Lessons’ Lesson

Today, being Monday, Ricki should have gone to her after-school dance and exercise classes. It is the one thing she does on a regular basis with other girls who have Down syndrome, and it is the highlight of her week.
However, today she didn’t go. Her homework hadn’t been done. At least not early enough.
Now often Ricki dilly-dallies with her homework, and Mondays are no exception. Often I have had to prod her to get the minimum amount of homework done. Warnings that we are running late, will need to take a cab, etc., seem to fall on deaf ears until I make it quite clear that we are almost at the “Cinderella momemt”: too late to postpone any further.
Today I was much more low-keyed. And I insisted that ALL her homework be done. In the end, even she saw that it was too late to go. I gave her something fun to do (she HAD done her homework), and hope that she learned today that there will be no more prodding nor forgiveness for studies not taken care of.

The Cooking Mistake

I am making an all-out effort to get Ricki’s behavior under control. My two main thrusts of action are to see that she goes to sleep early enough. The second is to teach her that doing homework is worthwhile, and should not be postponed. To this end I am preparing a schedule with fun activities interspersed during the homework period, and to award prizes for working steadily.
Sleeping is more difficult, and she falls asleep best if I am on the computer in the room. The problem is that if I get up, she wakes up. I am “quiet as a mouse”, but somehow she still senses if I leave. I can only make my get-away after she has been asleep a while. I hope to wean myself from the room, but first I need to get her general behavior disciplined.
Anyway, today’s planned activity was to make hotdogs in dough. I had it all planned:
-Ricki could hang up her coat, etc and then her a tape while I took a quick rest.
-We would make the dough…
-do some homework…
-deo the cooking activity…
-finish hoework..
-supper
-computer time for Ricki (she loves this)

While mothers can plan……
Ricki did not put her stuff away, but created more of a mess. So while she finally cleaned up (under threat of no computer in the evening), I made the dough. However, she was upset, and trying to get out of putting her things away. The end result was that I put way too much oil into the dough, and had to add two kilos more of flour to rectify the amount of oil. Thus a minor baking job became a major one. (I finished most of it after Ricki went to sleep.) In the long run, though Ricki did successfully do some homework, earned a few cents of prize money, and helped some with the baking. Not bad for the first day.