Maturity and Tolerance… and the Wedding

One blogger’s sentence a few days ago caught my eye: “I was relieved that my husband is planning to vote the same as myself. I don’t think I could bear it otherwise…”
To say I was startled would be an understatement. In my mind, such a statement shows a lot of immaturity.

Our family is a bit of a rainbow: we have folks of different stripes and views. We span the spectrum from ultra-Orthodox observance to not-much-observance-at-all. My daughter who just got married is somewhere on that spectrum. When a non-religious friend of mine asked if she could bring her daughter to the wedding, to see what an “orthodox wedding” looks like, I laughed. “Well, you are more than welcome to bring her, but the wedding isn’t exactly going to be a standard orthodox wedding.”

So now I want to tell you what I enjoyed the most about the wedding. It was the way that the diverse members of the family all got along. One could see their maturity from the many accommodations that my daughter made in her plans, in order for her super-religious brothers to be able to participate… to the way that these brothers made an all-out effort to make the wedding a lively celebration, despite their differences. The differences are there. Half of the family would not eat of the food from the caterer. But the message we all shared was, “I may disagree with you, but gosh oh golly we love you.”
Teens are usually “true believers”: “there is one truth, and if you disagree with me, you are terrible.” I had, several years ago, teens who disagreed VERY vocally with each other. But they grew up. Both the very religious, and the not-religious, learned that you can have your principles, disagree with someone….. without demonizing him. You can get along, and enjoy the good things that the other person is doing.
As we were driving home after the wedding, my non-religious son said: you know what I liked best about the wedding? The older (orthodox) brothers. They were great.” And I couldn’t agree more.

Looking beyond stereotypes- two vignettes

Today, on my way home after taking Ricki to school, I saw a small boy who wanted to cross the street. He had long curly peyot (ear locks), and the rather distinctive dress of the chassidic ultra-orthodox. Anyone seeing this child from afar would assume that his parents have no connection with the “outside” or modern world. But I can assure you that they do. No, I do not know the family. But I recognized his cochlear implant, a “brand” from the modern world. I was glad as I saw him take off in a run after crossing the street, probably quite unaware of how lucky he is to have been born in this generation.
Tonight, I was at a meeting, and I returned home accompanied most of the way by an acquaintance from Jerusalem. To the casual observer, she looked your typical orthodox lady: wig, long sleeves, long skirt. During our conversation she mentioned that she works as an advocate in the courts. I hadn’t known, and certainly would never have guessed it!

A GPS for Life?

A well-known teacher and speaker concerning people with intellectual disabilities and sexuality, Dave Hinsburger, has a very interesting blog, "Chewing the Fat". (This statement is not a wholesale endorsement of his world view.) Yesterday he wrote about how handy his new GPS system is, and wouldn't it be nice to have a "GPS" for life. If only G-d would tell us what to do, wouldn't it be easy?
My religious belief is that we DO have this GPS. G-d has clearly told us what he expects, in the Torah (Bible). He instructs us to be honest, to be kind, to help the downtrodden. He has told us to share a bit of our money and goodness with others. We are expected to try and rise a bit above the petty and mundane, and become better people.
The question is, are we willing to listen to our "GPS"? We may be loathe to leave the freeway we are on, with its well-paved asphalt.. Thus, when G-d tells us to turn off onto a bumpier side road, we often don't listen, and even if we do, we are likely to complain. However, we ought to be aware that even freeways can lead you to the wrong destination.
I am very tempted to add here that having a special-needs child is a bit like taking that side road that G-d led us down. Then those of us with special-needs children could all bask in the glory of listening to the "GPS". But I want us ALL to take it further:
-the diet when the overeating freeway is packed (literally!)
-to make peace with someone you have argued with
-to try and see something from an opponent's point of view… at least to understand him!
-to try for patience when your children do something so obnoxious that you could cry

These are just examples. Think if you can: If G-d gave me a GPS where would it lead me to?