This morning I was feeling a bit “low”. I was tired, and had way too much to do. In addition, a relative had called to tell me about an argument they had had with someone, and I was concerned about the family “politics” involved. (I find it very irksome when family members bicker. If you can’t stay on the good side of your family, you have problems. There is no replacement, in general, for family.)
Just then my 18-year-old, David, arrived with his laundry. (We have a friendly agreement: I do laundry and he chauffeurs me once a week.) He made himself a cup of coffee, and a few minutes later he mentioned that he had some free time this morning. So, he asked, did I want him to run that errand I had asked him to do a week ago (or had I done it in the meantime)? I replied that he could certainly do it.
-“Anything else I can do for you?”
So I gave him a small list, and in the meantime he noticed that the trash needed emptying, and put it by the door to take down in a few moments.
Within five minutes my “blues” had faded. I felt much more energetic, and started the day’s chores.
See the power of giving someone the feeling that they are not alone? That someone cares? Of offering to do something small for them “on the way”? Five minutes changed the day for me. (Well, almost. I’m still falling asleep when I sit down….)
And David didn’t loose out either. He received a good lunch in recompense.
And PS: One of the things I did today was to cancel an activity that Ricky likes, but doesn’t need. This activity takes about 3 hours of my time each week, and I decided that my health and sanity has to be more important. If I am overloaded, and overbooked, it is time to draw some lines. (Another line will be reading fewer blogs. If less people pursue this blog here as a result, I’ll have to accept that. I hope I’ll write well enough to pull readers anyway.)
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Monday, September 8, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
An Interesting Shabbas
[Introductory note: Shabbas (Saturday) is NOT a boring day. Although one can not watch TV or computer, knit, sew, or drive anywhere….It is far from boring. Exactly because it is a day that you can not use to catch up on housework or finish the report for your boss, it is a day that one can connect with family. I also read a lot. However, for my son Yitzchak, Ricki’s brother who is still at home (him being 2 years her senior), shabbas has been a bit boring lately. He does not enjoy reading (I have yet to figure out how the “reading genes” in our family didn’t kick in here…..). Yitzchak’s two older brothers (ages 18 and 20) are currently rooming together in a rented apartment. This has sort of left Yitzchak in a lurch, as he used to always do things with them on Saturday: walking, playing games, talking… With this introduction, you will understand my post much better.]
My oldest son, Yaacov, was here with his family for shabbas. He and his wife have a large family of four children: three boys (ages 7-3) and a daughter (age one and a half).
The daughter is finally walking, and so very different from her brothers. A female. Her mom said that she thought that much of the “girl” things that girls do are taught by culture. She expected her daughter, surrounded with boisterous siblings, to enjoy cars and ball. Yet she sees that her daughter has a much more gentle nature than her brothers. She strokes a doll that she picks up. She preens in front of a mirror. She is simply different.
I got out some speech cards for working on pragmatics, and played with Ricki and her oldest nephew. They enjoyed the funny pictures, and had a lot of fun. Ricki also had the pleasure of taking her niece out for a walk. A real treat for her.
Meanwhile, my second grandson was zooming around our house on a kick scooter. Our house is long and thin, an ideal set-up for accelerating vehicles.
I remember sometimes being bored at my grandparent’s house as a child. There really wasn’t much to do besides listen to adult conversation. But this grandmother, loaded with toys purchased over the years to use with Ricki, has a home that is far from boring. Yet my three-year-old grandson, living in an apartment with no windows facing the street, was more enthralled by the view of the street from our front window.
And my son Yitzchak had the best shabbas that he has had in a long time. His oldest nephew is one smart little kid, and Yitzchak enjoyed playing games with him. He also enjoyed holding his niece!
My oldest son, Yaacov, was here with his family for shabbas. He and his wife have a large family of four children: three boys (ages 7-3) and a daughter (age one and a half).
The daughter is finally walking, and so very different from her brothers. A female. Her mom said that she thought that much of the “girl” things that girls do are taught by culture. She expected her daughter, surrounded with boisterous siblings, to enjoy cars and ball. Yet she sees that her daughter has a much more gentle nature than her brothers. She strokes a doll that she picks up. She preens in front of a mirror. She is simply different.
I got out some speech cards for working on pragmatics, and played with Ricki and her oldest nephew. They enjoyed the funny pictures, and had a lot of fun. Ricki also had the pleasure of taking her niece out for a walk. A real treat for her.
Meanwhile, my second grandson was zooming around our house on a kick scooter. Our house is long and thin, an ideal set-up for accelerating vehicles.
I remember sometimes being bored at my grandparent’s house as a child. There really wasn’t much to do besides listen to adult conversation. But this grandmother, loaded with toys purchased over the years to use with Ricki, has a home that is far from boring. Yet my three-year-old grandson, living in an apartment with no windows facing the street, was more enthralled by the view of the street from our front window.
And my son Yitzchak had the best shabbas that he has had in a long time. His oldest nephew is one smart little kid, and Yitzchak enjoyed playing games with him. He also enjoyed holding his niece!
Sunday, June 1, 2008
The Fun of Family
You know, having married children and THEIR kids over is fun. OK, it’s also a lot of work. (I decided I will clean up the living room in the morning). But the work is well outweighed by the fun:
The laughter over a shared “family” joke (which needs to be explained to the wives), the sharing of an inspiring story, the swapping of useful ideas. (My daughter in law tells me that dish washing liquid is a good anti-ant repellant.)
Its nice to see them interacting so well with their children. One of my favorite views from the weekend, was to notice that often a baby would be held by his aunt or uncle, if their own parents were busy with something else. They all pitched in to make the day as happy and nice as could be for everyone.
This is really priceless—a large family where all are attuned to the others’ needs, and are willing to “pitch-hit” for their siblings. I think we all had a good time.
The laughter over a shared “family” joke (which needs to be explained to the wives), the sharing of an inspiring story, the swapping of useful ideas. (My daughter in law tells me that dish washing liquid is a good anti-ant repellant.)
Its nice to see them interacting so well with their children. One of my favorite views from the weekend, was to notice that often a baby would be held by his aunt or uncle, if their own parents were busy with something else. They all pitched in to make the day as happy and nice as could be for everyone.
This is really priceless—a large family where all are attuned to the others’ needs, and are willing to “pitch-hit” for their siblings. I think we all had a good time.
Friday, May 30, 2008
A Digital Picture Frame
In general, I am against bragging about anything gashmius (physical) in this blog. After all, if someone reading this CAN’T afford the same item, it is not very kindly on my part to brag about it. But just this once, I will. If you would want such a frame, but can’t afford it, please forgive me.
A few weeks ago, at about the same time that my son was to return from the US, I discovered that there is something in this world called a digital picture frame. I was immediately taken by the idea, and asked him to pick one up for me. He refused, saying that it was a terrible waste of money, and was definitely not worth buying. Another child, who had seen such a frame by an acquaintance, echoed the same thoughts. So I asked my husband to bring one on his return from an overseas trip. We contented ourselves with a simple version, a less-expensive option. (The resolution is a bit weak, but OK.)
So now I have it set up in the hall. It has lovely pictures from Colorado (like the one at the top of this page), and pictures of the children/grandchildren. I was careful not to include any pictures that ANY of my very religious sons might protest.
And I love it. I suppose I will be more nonchalant about it after a while (but perhaps not; I always enjoy my computer’s screen saver). However, it is hard to imagine not loving pictures of the grandchildren. And the pictures of Colorado mean “family” to me as well. The beautiful views of G-d’s creation are a reminder of the lovely summers I have spent there, particularly the last. So this frame is a little bond linking me to my present and past. Now to me, that’s a good deal!
A few weeks ago, at about the same time that my son was to return from the US, I discovered that there is something in this world called a digital picture frame. I was immediately taken by the idea, and asked him to pick one up for me. He refused, saying that it was a terrible waste of money, and was definitely not worth buying. Another child, who had seen such a frame by an acquaintance, echoed the same thoughts. So I asked my husband to bring one on his return from an overseas trip. We contented ourselves with a simple version, a less-expensive option. (The resolution is a bit weak, but OK.)
So now I have it set up in the hall. It has lovely pictures from Colorado (like the one at the top of this page), and pictures of the children/grandchildren. I was careful not to include any pictures that ANY of my very religious sons might protest.
And I love it. I suppose I will be more nonchalant about it after a while (but perhaps not; I always enjoy my computer’s screen saver). However, it is hard to imagine not loving pictures of the grandchildren. And the pictures of Colorado mean “family” to me as well. The beautiful views of G-d’s creation are a reminder of the lovely summers I have spent there, particularly the last. So this frame is a little bond linking me to my present and past. Now to me, that’s a good deal!
Monday, February 18, 2008
Community
I have more interesting things to tell you about Ricki’s reaction to the fire, but it will have to wait for tomorrow. Today I want to dwell on the value of “community”.
My neighbor (whose house had a serious fire yesterday afternoon) is an important member of a Chassidic group. He has a big extended family, and is part of a community. This is a priceless asset.
This morning an army of men arrived to help. The burnt stuff was taken out, the floors and stairs were cleaned, and a first cover of paint was applied in the house. It reminded me a bit of how the Amish get together and build a barn in a day.
In our move-every-few-years society, and our distance from our parents’ abode, how many of us have this type of support? OK, I can imagine some of you saying, “Distance means no interference, no trifling into my private affairs.”
I still maintain that the benefits far outweigh the disadvantages. In addition, people with common sense ought to know how to mind their own business, at least most of the time. For example, my daughter-in-law lives almost under her mother’s doorstep, yet she manages to maintain her privacy and role as an adult within a loving relationship. Of course, belonging to a community means contributing to it as well. I think it behooves all of us to take stock occasionally of our families and community. Where are we in relation to them? How can we make the connection stronger and better? How do I protect my privacy? How can I contribute?
My neighbor (whose house had a serious fire yesterday afternoon) is an important member of a Chassidic group. He has a big extended family, and is part of a community. This is a priceless asset.
This morning an army of men arrived to help. The burnt stuff was taken out, the floors and stairs were cleaned, and a first cover of paint was applied in the house. It reminded me a bit of how the Amish get together and build a barn in a day.
In our move-every-few-years society, and our distance from our parents’ abode, how many of us have this type of support? OK, I can imagine some of you saying, “Distance means no interference, no trifling into my private affairs.”
I still maintain that the benefits far outweigh the disadvantages. In addition, people with common sense ought to know how to mind their own business, at least most of the time. For example, my daughter-in-law lives almost under her mother’s doorstep, yet she manages to maintain her privacy and role as an adult within a loving relationship. Of course, belonging to a community means contributing to it as well. I think it behooves all of us to take stock occasionally of our families and community. Where are we in relation to them? How can we make the connection stronger and better? How do I protect my privacy? How can I contribute?
Friday, December 7, 2007
The Family Gathering
Tonight we had a family gathering at our house. It was nice, and everyone who we hoped would arrive actually managed to do so, in spite of the rain. One son said upon entering: "Oh Mom! I see you made cornbread. Gee, its been a while since I had your cornbread…" He made my evening.
But the real point here is that home-cooked food (and the scents they produce) are a big portion of the things we remember from our childhood. I remember that once I happened to come across some "spick and span" floor cleaning powder. This was the same brand which my mother used when I was a child. As I poured it into a bucket of water, the pine smell which arose immediately triggered memories of "home" from thirty years before. That is the power of smell.
And when we consider food, it is obvious that the memories created are even stronger, due to the taste, and also because of the emotional bonds created though food. Thus it behooves us to take the time, at least occasionally, to made special holiday food with our children (when applicable), to help reinforce that sense of "home", and connection with family.
But the real point here is that home-cooked food (and the scents they produce) are a big portion of the things we remember from our childhood. I remember that once I happened to come across some "spick and span" floor cleaning powder. This was the same brand which my mother used when I was a child. As I poured it into a bucket of water, the pine smell which arose immediately triggered memories of "home" from thirty years before. That is the power of smell.
And when we consider food, it is obvious that the memories created are even stronger, due to the taste, and also because of the emotional bonds created though food. Thus it behooves us to take the time, at least occasionally, to made special holiday food with our children (when applicable), to help reinforce that sense of "home", and connection with family.
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