Traffic lights

Today I got out EARLY 5:45-6:45, mostly in order to beat the heat that comes with the sunlight. It was definitely pleasant, enough that I am (slightly) tempted to try and do it daily (at least while our current heat wave lasts). Here in our town there are no cars on Saturday day (except ambulances), and one doesn't even have to deal with traffic lights. So it was a real enjoyable walk.
A note on traffic lights. This summer, when I visited my Mom, I noted with humor her insistence that a certain traffic light always had her stopping. I pointed out that since she was coming from a side street to a main one, and the drive up was long, she would invariably see a red light at some time in her approach.
Well, the traffic light I usually need to use when walking a certain route, is also a side street crossing a major thoroughfare. It is green from my direction only about one fifth of the time. So, theoretically, it should be green one fifth of the times I arrive, NO?? Well, once it was, and twice I have “sprinted” and made it. That leaves about 40 times that it was red.... [Actually, I solve this by walking downhill on the main street, and turning back after a bit. I have the timing pretty well done, and haven’t missed the crossing this way. Thus I can cross at this light without stopping, and breaking my aerobic walk.]
What’s really funny about all this, though, is how easy it is to “determine” that someone is against us. So remember your traffic light next time you think your friend/neighbor/ family member has wronged you, and try and give them the benefit of the doubt.

Barbie’s Ankle Weights/ The Profit World is Made for “Normal” People

Being Convinced that I need to get some muscle- strengthening exercises into my weekly routine (not that I found TIME for it yet...), I trekked over to the nearest sports store to buy some accessories. I bought an rubber resistance-type band and a pair of one-half kilo ankle weights. As an afterthought, I decided to buy some dumbbells. I tried the one kilo pair, but decided that they were too light, and bought 2 two-kilo weights.
On my arrival home, I dumped all the items on the table, and decided that it would be real smart to wear the ankle weights a bit around the house in the evening. But when I tried to wear them, I discovered that they were WAY too small. (Maybe they would fit an anorexic. But not my ankles.) So they are in temporary storage, waiting for the day that I get thin enough to wear them.
The world is quickly becoming a place for only “normal” people. Manufacturers, caring only about profit, aim for the size that most people are. Most firms don’t even made XL size. Left-handed people are also often overlooked. If you are smaller, shorter, taller, or fatter, it’s just too bad. Buy (and pay) for larger shoes, custom made. Sew your clothing.
---And if you don’t have the money, or time, or know-how, that’s just too bad.

I saw on the news today that a 120 lb. model was fired for being “too fat”. Soon we’ll have to be anorexic, just to have the “privilege” of purchasing clothing.....

For more of "31 for 21" (blogging in October for Down syndrome awareness)go HERE

Now You See Them, Now You Don’t

Ricki came home without her eyeglasses Tuesday afternoon. Now this was a real problem, as her spare pair was misplaced somewhere in Colorado in the summer, when visiting grandmother. After grilling Ricki for information, we discovered that because she was “tired”, she put her glasses in her school bag. The problem was that the small pocket of the school bag had an unfastened cover. The glasses fell out either in school, on the way to her ride, in the taxi home, or between the street and our house.
The search was on.....
-called the driver
-called the teacher
--checked downstairs

Today she came back from school, eyeglasses perched on her nose. They were found. Where? I don’t know, but what’s important is that they WERE found.

That’s $150 saved. (WEW!)

For more of "31 for 21" (blogging in October for Down syndrome awareness)go HERE

Special Exposure Wednesday: The Real Trooper (Hiker)

For more of "31 for 21" (blogging in October for Down syndrome awareness)go HERE

The Diet Pottery

This week I did something I have always dreamed of. I joined a ceramics class. I remember vividly how much I enjoyed ceramics in art class as a child, and the fascination I have for pottery has never faded.
But I was always too busy.
Or it cost too much.

But I decided that if I am cutting the “fun” of overeating out of my life, I have to substitute something else “fun”.
I decided that for once I can do something for myself. I expect that within 4-5 years all of the children except for Ricki will be living elsewhere. NOW is the time to invest in avoiding the “empty nest” syndrome.

For more of "31 for 21" (blogging in October for Down syndrome awareness)go HERE

The Grocery Store Bandit

(this photo was done at photofunia)
Those of you familiar with this blog are probably already smiling at my title. And even though I am serious, I don’t blame you.
Sunday, being the day immediately after the week of holidays, Ricki still didn’t have school. So when she got up, I had already been to the grocery store. But she was in a “purchasing” mood. She wrote out a list, and told me that she wanted to go to the store.

Her list: (my comments in parenthesis)
-1 milk
-eggs
-one candy (guess for whom?)
-one small bottle of drink (again, she wanted this for herself)
-3 borekas (a salty pastry, calorie loaded)(THREE! Yikes! Again, she wanted this for herself)
-Soup nuts
-croutons

Well, I obviously vetoed this shopping spree.
The problem is, that she went out the door anyway.
I yelled a consequence as she was going down.
I phoned the store to ask them to refuse to ring the purchase up.

In the end, she ate borekas there, and received a very large consequence during the day.
She kept begging me to cancel the punishment, but I didn’t. Such Chutzpah I am NOT going to tolerate.....

For more of "31 for 21" (blogging in October for Down syndrome awareness)go HERE

Embarresment

Embarresment is when someone sits next to you on the bus, and switches place as soon as another seat is available.
One day, not too far in the future, I will take up ONLY my space!
* * * *
I am very tired- will try and post more later.

Weaning

We are rearranging the rooms in the house. Since one of my older sons returned recently, there has not been enough room for all of the men. So Ricki is leaving her bigger room, which will go to the boys, while she gets a cozy little room to herself.
Last night was her first night sleeping in the new room... alone. And she didn’t even have me next to her on the computer (as she did have before). So every ten minutes or so she would pop out of bed to check who had come home, etc. I think that this move will be an excellent opportunity to wean me off some of my computer time, and Ricki of my nighttime presence next to her, on the keyboard. Question of the week is who will be weaned more quickly?

For more of "31 for 21" (blogging in October for Down syndrome awareness)go HERE

"You're Fat"

Ricki's niece,four years old, had argued with her. She suddenly turned to her and said: "You're fat".
I bent down and told her "Yes, Ricki is fat. But it isn't nice to say so."

Isn't it amazing TERRIBLE how young we learn to use to use society's negative labels as a lever to get our way?
The girl's parents didn't notice this, but I am hesitant to mention it. I think she heard me well, and I will drop the matter unless she does it again at their next visit.

Supper, Ricki-Style

Wednesday evening, As I was reading a novel (I was DEEP into it....), Ricki surprised me. She offered to make me supper. And it wasn’t in order to have supper herself. She wanted to make me an egg, and since she had already made herself an egg at breakfast, she wanted soya hot dogs for dinner.
And she did a REAL good job. She fried the egg, spread cheese on the bread, and even made a salad to go with it all. Than Ricki served me, and toped it off by offering me some diet cola. The only “not perfect” thing was the large amount of black pepper in the egg.
But what impressed me the most that NOT that she made the egg (including lighting the stove), but that she looked beyond her own needs, and thought to make ME supper. She did a kindness. This is not the belligerent Ricki I often face. This was something different. Several older moms (ie, mothers of older children with Down syndrome) have told me that as our teens get older, their “rough edges” (like any teen’s) smooth off a bit, and they start being more aware and thoughtful.
Could it be that my almost-fifteen year old is growing up?
For more of "31 for 21" (blogging in October for Down syndrome awareness)go HERE

Personal Grooming: Time for a Plan

As I was writing yesterday's post, I realized that I was letting the issue of personal appearance side too much. No, I wouldn't let her go out looking poorly, but I was NOT taking steps to make it RICKI'S problem.
I learned years ago that a mother who wakes her teen-age son up every time he oversleeps, is asking for the task of dragging him out of bed daily. She has allowed him to make HIS getting up HER problem. If she lets him oversleep and miss something (assuming that she has already bought him a good load alarm clock), she is letting him realize that it is HIS problem, and he will probably start being more responsible.
So I decided yesterday that I need to stop being Ricki's reminder. I need to set up a system where-by she self-checks her appearance. Then, if I see that she didn't do something, I need to send her back to that list. So I plan to set one up, and start a "campaign" with a prize for cooperation. I hope it works!

For more of "31 for 21" (blogging in October for Down syndrome awareness)go HERE

A Gut Fear (Sorry, NOT a PollyAnna Post)

Amy posted HERE about her seeing a person with mental illness/disabilities at an affair.
I would like to touch briefly on the subject of my reactions to older people with Down syndrome. I have posted about it before, but right now I don't have time to search for it (some day I have to make a list of good old posts, but don't hold your breath....), AND its been a long time since then.

When Ricki was young, and I saw people with Down syndrome who were older, and NOT so high functioning, I would cringe. I am not proud to admit it, but I found it very hard to be positive about someone who was drooling, and with their tongue hanging out. Yes, G-d loves them, I realized in my MIND, but in my gut I was repulsed. (SORRY, but I am not going to white-wash this.)In my gut was the fear: Will Ricki be like that some day?
I always told myself "Well, Ricki's getting a better education, I am working with her behavior", etc. But deep down inside the fear was present. And sometimes, today, it still is. When Ricki, in an ornery mood, doesn't wipe a runny nose until I give her an ultimatum, I wonder what will be when I am not around. There are some things about taking care in dress that she seems to not want to be bothered with, and which I need to remind her everyday. And this just increases my fears.
So today, when I see a less-than-perfect looking adult with DS I try to view with compassion, yet the gut fear is still there.... and a determination to prevent such a future. Because MOST people are NOT going to look past her outside appearance. (If it’s hard for me to, what can I expect of people who DON’T have a talented, lovely daughter with Down syndrome??????).... So how she looks will effect how people react to her: Thus in effect, it colors her whole future.

(More, tomarrow)

For more of "31 for 21" (blogging in October for Down syndrome awareness)go HERE

Special Exposure Wednesday: Follow-up on Chipmunks

Last week,after posting a picture of Ricki wanting to photograph chipmunks, I had a request in the comments to post the picture that Ricki had taken. SHE never managed to film the chipmunk. (Actually, we are talking about ground squirrels. Chipmunks look almost the same, but are slightly smaller, and also have strips on their faces. But they are all “chipmunks” to Ricki.) But I did catch some with my camera, but the quality was poor due to a dirty lens....
Actually, I have posted earlier about Ricki and chipmunks, HERE (including an excellent close-up of a ground squirrel).
The pictures here are all from two and a half years ago, when my camera had a clean lens:

And what can we learn from the chipmunk? BE FAST and QUICK to grab opportunities, but beware of dangers!

Again to the Grocery Store

This morning I was sleeping in. I had been up late last night, and was determined that too little sleep should not prompt me to overeat (as I did a bit yesterday...). Ricki hovered over me, fully dressed, waiting for me to open my eyes.
“Mom? We need (black) pepper. I want to go to the grocery store.” With my grunt of approval, she read off the list (and a very thorough one, too, I might add....). She ended with “a sweet”. I acquiesced, and off she bounded. On the way she added a few other items for to the list (like several pudding-yogurts). She also bought for herself a drink....
I should have nailed her down on all of these things, but this morning I didn’t. I just announced that the yogurts are off-limits until Friday (the only day we usually buy them).
Its hard to be a disciplinarian when prone and under the covers......

For more of "31 for 21" (blogging in October for Down syndrome awareness)go HERE

"Magic Marker Monday"- Succah Decorations

Ricki made several decorations for the succah, but this is the one she likes the best:
(It says "WELCOME" in Hebrew) It is basically a simple color-in the felt plus adding stickers all around.


For more of "31 for 21" (blogging in October for Down syndrome awareness)go HERE

Day by Day, Step by Step- A Way of Life and a Motto

PRELUDE:
All in all, this was a harder-than-usual week for dieting.
First of all, Sunday night and Monday until night was Yom Kippur, a 25 hour fast from all food and drink. The tendency to overeat before/after a fast are very big (strong “survival mood” emotions and physiology weighing in here), plus going out walking was not feasible. (Anyone who wants to finish the fast feeling relatively good does NOT traipse around outdoors in the boiling sun. )
Secondly, Saturday was a holiday, which meant that I had a lot to do at home in the preceding days (little time for walking). And to top it off, I spent Friday cooking in the kitchen, and Saturday trying to convince myself that all the holiday food I had prepared was NOT for ME (or at least only a bit of it).
All in all, I did pretty good (although I’ll see later this week what the scales say...), overeating just a bit today. Starting tomorrow, I should have a fair number of guests, but I plan to get out and walk more and stick 100% to my eating plan.

MAIN POINT
But the main thing is that my habits ARE changing. I am drinking much more WATER (as opposed to coffee/diet drink). (Not to even mention the 150-calorie-a-glass chocolate milk I used to guzzle....). My idea of what constitutes a “portion” are shifting. I make a point to include more vegetables and fruit in my diet, and most importantly, I get out and about more.
[Over the last few days I had lots of steps from running errands, errands that once upon a time I would have avoided, or attended to by bus. This alone is an improvement. But I “hungered” to get out some real aerobic walking. After standing most of Friday in the kitchen, I was exhausted, and I went to bed early. But then, early Saturday I went out to walk. My feet hurt me a lot (a result of all that stationary standing on Friday), and I quickly realized that UNTIL I GOT OUT AND GOT MY BLOOD FLOWING, via a good quick pace, my feet wouldn’t feel better. It took about 15 minutes of walking until I really felt normal again, but it did help in the end.]
Weight Loss, or ANY change in our lives, is about DIRECTION. Even if we occasionally mess up a bit, don’t quite make all of all goals, if we are in general making progress and changes in the way we do things, than there is no room for despair over a little lapse. (Just don’t use this as an excuse to ALWAYS go below your goals...If you are slipping off your plan frequently, than THAT indiscretion is your direction, not what you had planned to do..) We have to go day-by-day and step-by-step. We need to see alterations in our general direction.
The same applies to other areas in our lives. Struggling with a new diagnosis of disability in the family? Trying not to look like the “Wicked Witch of the West” when you discipline your children? Whatever your struggles are, you are likely to falter here and there. And that’s OK, as long as it doesn’t become a habit. Each time you conquer the urge for a piece of cake or a scream at the kids, you are strengthening those emotional and psychological muscles that will help keep us on the correct path that we are choosing. So “go for it”, day after day, a step at a time.

For more of "31 for 21" (blogging in October for Down syndrome awareness)go HERE

Happy Sukkah Holiday

We had a real last-minute rush to get our sukkah up and functional before the holiday. The plus side is that it is bigger and airier than in previous years.[This week is the week-long tabernacle-"booths" holiday. We eat in temporary dwellings (in this case on our roof, with permanent walls but a non-solid roof.]
Ricki had a great time on the holiday today, and spent most of the afternoon with her friends. Later, as daylight faded, she "hung out" with some younger girls from downstairs. But after a while, I noticed that one of the youngest was making fun of Ricki, so I called her upstairs. (I think Ricki realized that the girl was making fun of her, but she put up with it for the company. How sad...) As Ricki walked away from the group, the little girl's older sister reprimanded her, but I am wondering if that was for MY benefit.But most of the day she was with friends from her class last year, who really accept her, yet demand normative behavior as well....

For more of "31 for 21" (blogging in October for Down syndrome awareness)go HERE

"Oh, it was nothing."

Yesterday I had a bit of free time, despite the fact that the "sukkah" holiday is starting tonight. Figuring that everyone else is too busy to think of flu vacines, I ran with Ricki to get our yearly vacine. (I was right; the health clinic was pretty empty.....We didn't have to wait at all.)
Ricki was nervous about the vacine, asking me every minute or so "Does it hurt?" (I think she was trying to fiqure out if she was haing blood drawn.) Once she saw me get my shot, she was a BIT calmer, but not 100%. She said a few times that she didn't want the injection.
So I pulled out the puppets,our pre-shot standby, and as she received the shot, she was distracted by the puppet story. (The nurse was very impressed with the idea.)
On our return home, Dad asked how it went. Ricki's reply, "Oh, it was nothing." I wish she would remember that NEXT time she needs a vacination.

For more of "31 for 21" (blogging in October for Down syndrome awareness)go HERE

The Little Kid at the Door

It was a few days ago, in the days between Rosh HaShana (the Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement). I had heard a soft knock at the door, and opening it, found a small boy, hand raised for another knock. He looked to be about age six or seven, and I didn’t recognize his as a neighbor’s child. What in the world did he want?
Then he stretched out his second hand, fist clenched around a booklet of fundraising receipts. “I’m collecting for _________.”
As I contemplated the youngster in front of me, my mind flew backwards in time to the days when my own children wanted to collect tzedukka (charity). They had been considerably older, yet I remember how a promised percentage had sent them off on a wild run after the golden egg (money). More than once I have found myself yelling on the phone to some teenager who in an effort to earn a larger percentage himself, had sent my son collecting money. My query “How can you dare to send a grade school child out collecting without their parent’s permission?” never got a better answer than a mumbled “I’m sorry; He said his parents don’t mind....”. Yeah, really.....I frown on the practice, it being dangerous, and teaching youngsters that collecting charity is a way to earn money is NOT what I want.
My attention returned to the child on my doorstep. “What’s your name?”
“_______” (last name)
-“Where do you live?”
And he gave me his address as well. Then I told him that if he wanted a contribution, he should send his older brother. And he disappeared.
Five minutes later I looked up the phone number and dialed the family in question. After waiting a while, Mom got called to the phone.
“Look,” I said, “You don’t know me. I live on ____street. Do you know that your little son is collecting tzedukka?”
- “Well, he’s with an older brother, I think.” (You “THINK” I wanted to yell, but I didn’t.)
- “Look, he was here at my door, with no one else in sight. ANYONE could have taken him into their house for a few moments, and his older brother, and you, would never know it!”
This gave her pause. She gulped, thanked me, and wished me a good year. At least I didn’t have to spell the danger out to her. THAT much she understood. It’s just that she had never really given the matter much thought, probably. (Or she didn’t know not to trust older siblings...)
People like to think that there is little sexual abuse in the chareidi (ultra-orthodox) world. Unfortunately, we have our rotten apples, just like any other community. We are not immune. But since we don’t talk about such things, and it never would be discussed in the newspaper here, people are blissfully ignorant.
And all of this has answered a question I have had for many years:
On Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement), the holiest day of the Jewish year, observant Jews fast and confess their sins. There is a prayer phrase normally said quietly, which on this day is said out loud, because we are, our sages say, like angels (who say this phrase aloud). These angelic people stand in synagogue the whole morning, and as afternoon arrives, they start the afternoon prayer. In the middle, the holy ark is opened, the sefer Torah scroll is taken out, and placed on the podium to be read. And what is read? Inspiring psalms? How Moses fasted for forty days as he received the Torah from G-d? I would expect some sublime, lofty theme. But no. The reader intones the verses admonishing us against incest and other sexual sins. Things that no self-respecting Jew would do. I never understood why.
But I think I do now. G-d knows man, and on the holiest of days, he warns us: No one, no community is immune. Not even on the holiest day.

All of this prompted me to sit Ricki down and talk to her about “touch”. And am I glad I did, because from her reactions, I can see that it is as if I never discussed this with her. (And I have, more than once.) I repeated it, did a bit of roll play, and I plan to do a repeat often to see if (and when) the message sinks in.

A final note to those who are observing the Sukkot holiday, starting in two days. Be forewarned that the largest percentage of abusers (by far!) are not some stranger. Usually the abuser is someone the child knows. If you are sending a son to sleep in someone else’s sukkah booth (having no space in your own), or when you are visiting relatives or friends, be sure you know that things are safe. Don’t let a child go unaccompanied to a sukkah outside. Keep tabs on your child’s whereabouts. If two children playing in an other room get too quiet, go check it out. Speak to your child about abuse, and unwanted touch, TODAY.

For more of "31 for 21" (blogging in October for Down syndrome awareness)go HERE

Special Exposure Wendsday-What I planned and What You Got (and Why)

I had planned in advance that today I would post a picture of Ricki working on Sukkah decorations. An easy post; all I would have to do is take a picture on Tuesday of Ricki working on her decorations (she’s making several...), and upload the photo.. Simple, no? Well, it SHOULD have been!
However, when Ricki came home from school, I was napping, and when I awoke, there was a minor problem in the house, and it took a while before I really got to spend more than a moment with her. Within five minutes I realized that Ricki was belligerent, and then I remembered: I had forgotten to give Ricki her daily dose of Concerta this morning. This happens sometimes, and if I remember early enough, I will even walk over to the school to give her the dose. But if I remember too late, I am usually in for a rough day.
Sooooo---today she was really an obnoxious pest, EXCEPT when she was busy with something, she behaved a bit better. But otherwise, she was fiddling with all the objects I was working with, removing her hearing aid, and being outstandingly ill-tempered.
Under those conditions, working on her decorations was out. She would not do a nice job, and it would be a waste of the materials.
Therefore, I have no picture of Ricki from yesterday.
* * * *
What you ARE getting is a picture of Ricki excited over a chipmunk. The picture’s quality is a bit poor (the lens was dirty), but her enthusiasm at trying to photogragh a chipmunk/ ground squirrel, is clearly evident.

For more of "special-exposure Wednesday", go HERE!