Thursday, August 16, 2012

Clearing My Head…..

     One of the hardest parts of sitting "shiva" (the mourning week), was the lack of physical activity. Even though I was told that I could take a brief walk outside on Saturday, I stayed the remainder of the week indoors, mostly sitting. About my only other activity was cooking breakfast for the family, which I managed to do because I didn't sleep well, and was up early every morning.
   So the first thing I did on Wednesday (the first full day of non-shiva) was to take a long walk, to "stretch my legs and clear my mind".
     What was I thinking?!? Did I really imagine that I could "clear my mind"?!? I thought about Ricki, and what I want to tell her when we go to her grave in three weeks for the "shloshim" (one-month anniversary of the death) for nearly all of the two-and-a-half hour walk.[Not that I MIND thinking about Ricki…..]
     Coming to terms with Ricki's Down syndromewas a process..   So will coming to terms with her death be a process. And this process is going to take time……

5 comments:

Batya said...

No doubt there are bereaved parents support groups, where you'll find that your feelings and reactions are all normal.

The really important thing is to make sure you take care of your health, especially after being so sedentary.

A Soldier's Mother said...

I don't know that "coming to terms" is the right concept here. You will accept her loss, but you will never get used to it or get passed it as such. What you will do is find a way to move on, without moving away; you'll find a way to remember the joy beyond the loss. You will learn to smile at a memory without tears filling your eyes (as mine are now for you and for Ricki). One of the most amazing things about the Jewish process of mourning is that it is so controlled, so intense, and so healthy. Use it to guide you to where you are meant to go, knowing with each step, you take Ricki with you. Sending my love! Paula

Rickismom said...

Paula, wise words.....

Anonymous said...

Ruth, I've been wanting to write you privately (in case you don't recall, I lost a son a number of years ago) but the email addy from your last SFM post is no longer current.
Malky (Shloimy's mom from SFM)

Cindy said...

I've been thinking about you. I got on the computer this evening just to see if you had posted.

I can't imagine what you are going through, but you remain in my prayers.

(I commented once but my computer had a hick up and I don't know if it posted. Forgive me if this is a duplicate.)