Each person in our family mourns Ricki's
passing in a different way. My older daughter cries easily; I do not. One has
had several dreams of Ricki, etc.
The way I have most mourned Ricki is simply
thinking about her a lot (the first week and a half almost non-stop….), and….. well,
this:
I have had to go through the shopping area of
town several times over the last several days, and as I do, I am drawn to
certain stores. Every book store, toy store, jewelry store, has me half
pausing. I often browsed in these types of stores, looking to see if there was
anything "really good" to purchase Ricki as a study aid, or as a
prize. Often I did NOT purchase anything while window shopping, but I DID look.
Now as I pass these stores, I DO remember that Ricki is no longer alive. But I
have this wrenching feeling of wishing I could buy her something. I manage to
continue on, passing the stores by, but I wish I could put a smile on her face…..
6 comments:
Oh I'm so sorry - since my husband's death I've realized some odd things I mourn - I miss buying men's clothing - he hated to shop and I bought pretty much everything for him. I see a shirt he'd like and start toward it - then remember - he no longer needs these things.
You have such a good way with expressing your grief - you lost so much of your day to day life - I'm sorry is about all I can say - peace to you
I was thinking about you this morning... and remembering Ricki. Even though I never got the opportunity to meet her, I feel like I knew her through your blog.
It takes a long time, if ever... haMakom yenachem...
Hi...I haven't been on blogspot in quite a while as my life has taken a harsh turn relationships-wise. Now that I have taken care of this, I am back and I am saddened to hear of the passing of Ricki. I felt love for her whenever I read stories of her. She was a wonderful person with a special soul, and I don''t mean "special" as in Down's special. I just mean a special spirit about her. She puts a smile on my face whenever I read about her. I really am sorry about her passing. I was quite surprised. Please don't stop blogging, or at least don't take the blog down, because all the stories belongs here, to teach others love and acceptance and faith. I know Ricki is watching, and that she is all around us.
And as for the lady that said that the lack of your crying would stunt your mental health, she is full of ignorance. Each person grieves in their own way, and you are not stunting your mental health at all. When my mother died when I was 9, I only cried in private, and this alarmed my psychologist. She thought that I was brushing it off, that I was ignoring my mother's death. But I cried and cried and cried nonstop at nights and whenever I was alone. To this day no one knew I cried unless I've told them about it. My mother's death had such an impact that I still cry to this day. So I understand.
I will miss Ricki and her wonderful spirit. I wish I had the chance of meeting her in person and getting to know her personally.
Please take care of yourself and give yourself breaks and try not to stress yourself. Relax as much as you can. You deserve it.
Love,
Pink.
Your feelings of wanting to buy Ricki z"l something, being pulled towards the stores are so normal. I remember feeling that way as well with my Nava z"l.It helped me a little bit to think that she was watching me and that it did put a smile on her face!Maybe this will help with your feelings , although I hesitate to say it because all we bereaved parents react so differently-and there is no wrong or right. You and Ricki are in my thoughts and tfilot a lot.
Yes, surely as each person is an individual, we each mourn and process emotions differently...i think that some things will always trigger memories of Ricki...hopefully those memories will grow to be a comfort for you...
Although I never met Ricki, you brought her to life for so many of us through the words in your blog. I think of you and your family often as you negotiate this new phase.
Debbie
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