When Ricki was born I remembered a friend of mine who had lost a baby with Down syndrome not too long before. I spoke once with this friend about her experiences, and she mentioned that there had been more than one case of people telling her "how relieved" she must be. A second friend, whose 4 year old son died a few years later had similar experiences.
Well, I guess that as a community we may have come a long way, because I did NOT get such comments. However, in a few cases I expected that I might get such a comment, and I pre-empted it with a few lines that I said repeatedly during the "shiva":
I won't say it was always easy. But it was always good. Something difficult is not necessarily bad. Everyone in the family, all of us, profited from having Ricki in our lives. We became better people, more mature, better attuned to the reality of what is important in life.Yes, it was good…..