Thursday, August 19, 2010

Acceptance???? I’m Not Sure

Recently I read a post about acceptance of our children and their intellectual disability. A commenter mentioned that his parents truly “accepted” his sister (who has Down syndrome), and the example he gave was their non-chalance about her “belting” out a song in a restaurant.
Quite frankly, I was upset by the assumption that acceptance means letting your child act inappropriately.
I am happy with my daughter and have no trouble with her disability (well, almost no trouble; let’s be honest….). However, not withstanding that acceptance, I wouldn't let her belt out a song in a restaurant. People are paying money for a nice evening need not be accosted with noise. IF a child does something off the wall, has a meltdown. etc, yes, other patrons should understand. But to encourage behavior that is disturbing others is no big mitzvah (good deed) in my eyes. I would not tolerate such behavior from my other children, why should I tolerate it in Ricki? If I would, am I not sending her a message that she is less responsible for her actions, and less capable of controlling them than my other children?

What do YOU think?

7 comments:

Suzie and Lily said...

I couldn't agree more - very well said!

Tina said...

Been following your blog for a while, I don't think I have commented before. I couldn't agree more. Like I always say what goes for my son will go for my daughter (who has DS) I know there are times we shall have to make exceptions for her but to accept and encourage behaviour that we would not consider "normal" for my son should not be considered o.k. for my daughter either. Like you put it I would like her to learn to be responsible for her actions just like anyone else.

Becca said...

I saw that posting and had to do some thinking of my own about it. The commenter had then stated that she was just so pleased that her child had been capable of singing like that, that they just let them. I must agree with you, however. I think our children still need to know their limits and how to behave in public and social settings. That mother, perhaps, should have told her child they could sing after dinner.

G6 said...

You really have a lot of clarity.
I agree.

Marie said...

Thanks so much for speaking frankly. Often times it's hard for me to find other parents whose kids have DS that can get beyond the "all is fine" phase and speak from the heart. It's like to many get into the loop of competition to make their kid better than the rest, and never talk about the troubles. I just found your blog and plan to read more. Thanks again:)
Marie...mom to son with DS age 18.

Ellen Stumbo said...

Yep, kids with Down syndrome don't get a free card for not listening, obeying, or behaving!
It takes a lot more redirecting and more intentional parenting, but I want a kid that other people enjoy being around, not one that they call a "terror" behind my back!

Cindy said...

I agree! :)
Thanks for sharing.