I'm in the Rocky Mountains (one of those special places that G-d created) enjoying the time to relax- AND exercise! Many of the hikes here involve a good increase in altitude (yesterday I hiked 6 kilometers -3.6 miles- , with a 185 meter -605 feet- rise in altitude! But the lovely scenery makes the effort worthwhile.
Ricki also finds the climbing a bit hard, aqnd complains bitterly at times (spits at rocks that get in her way), but all and all is doing OK.
What I want to write about this morning is acceptance of who and what we are. On one of our first hikes, as I was still struggling with the higher altitude (the air is actually thinner here than on the mediteranean coast....), I simultaneously found my knee not cooperating very well when we needed to take very high steps up or down. So my mother (who is , thank G-d, in excellent shape) offered me her cane (which she had taken along for balance on the steep declines). At first I was embarressed to accept it. I mean, I am younger than her! It was hard to admit how bad my physical condition is. But in the end I acquiessed.
And yesterday, as I very SLOWLY made my way up the inclines, all the other hikers passed us by. And I needed the cane here and there going down. And I admit that my wish to loose weight is not only for health reasons, but because I would enjoy not sticking out like a sore thumb. Many people who zipped past us comented on how great it was that we were out on the trail. I know it was meant as a compliment and encouragement, but I sometimes felt that they probably muttered under their breaths in wondermeant that I even attempted the climb.
So I had to deal with being different, even tho' that difference is the result of my own past bad choices. Ricki has to put up with being different every day, every time she ventures out the front door.
So is it any wonder that she gets growly sometimes about it? For once I think I am really feeling what emotional battles she is up against. And fighting that battle of self-worth is probably daunting for many of us. And instilling self-worth in any child who is "different" in any way is surely not easy. The only thing that I think can help is pointing out the good things that our child does, his successes, and our love for them. But I think we must have to pour in HUGE amounts of that in order to contradict the onslaught from outside. I question very highly if I do enough.