Yesterday Ricki had a field trip. She was very excited by it, especially since she would be taking her camera.
About a year and a half ago, I bought a simple camera for Ricki, to use for school trips and the like. I fiqured that at age (then) eleven, ALL the girls in her class would have a camera, and she should not be an exception.
Now this did have its drawbacks. I pretty much trusted her to watch the camera, but was afraid that she would let friends use it who might not be carefull. But the real problem was that any trip, no matter how short, inevitably meant that a whole roll of 36 exposures would be shot.
Yesterday, as I handed her the camera, I told her that she should only shoot pictures that were “really nice”. She asked if she could photograph me. I obliged. Then she turned her camera downwards, and took a second frame, this time of the floor.
- “Ricki why did you do THAT?!?”
- “Oh, that was a picture of Este” (her imaginary friend).
When she returned home she had actually only taken about 16 shots. The question is, how many of them are of real people, and how many are of “Este” and the floor?
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Dignity
Now for my real blog for today.
Today on my return home from taking Ricki to school, I did my regular grocery shopping. As I approached the dairy products refridgerator, I realized that I would need to wait. Someone else was there picking out what they needed. The person before me was an elderly man, so I stood a bit to the side to let him choose without feeling the pressure that someone else is waiting.
I waited.
And waited.
And squashed the impulse to ask if he needed help.
It seemed like a long time, but it was surely only about 2-3 minutes.
If I can wait 2 minutes for my micro to warm up my coffee, I guess that I can wait 2 minutes to let someone live with a bit of dignity
Today on my return home from taking Ricki to school, I did my regular grocery shopping. As I approached the dairy products refridgerator, I realized that I would need to wait. Someone else was there picking out what they needed. The person before me was an elderly man, so I stood a bit to the side to let him choose without feeling the pressure that someone else is waiting.
I waited.
And waited.
And squashed the impulse to ask if he needed help.
It seemed like a long time, but it was surely only about 2-3 minutes.
If I can wait 2 minutes for my micro to warm up my coffee, I guess that I can wait 2 minutes to let someone live with a bit of dignity
Playing G-d
I would like to add a further note about the guidlines of who to treat in the event of a pandemic.
Any generalizations and assumptions made by this committee are just that. I know plenty of 85-year olds and almost-85 year-olds who are healthier than people 15 years their junior. And we have plenty of “important” people, I am sure, who have chronic illnesses.
Now I can imagine some of my more liberal readers thinking:
“Well, society has to protect itself. We need to protect those who are more needed by society. This is only a last-resort list.”
Yet, the problem is, we are letting people who are not G-d play G-d. In a crisis, they will need to do their selections quickly. Amazingly articulate and healthy 85 year olds may be refused care, while abusive individuals will receive treatment. And I suppose that people who fail even two criteria will get treated, if they have enough money to bribe the staff.
Unfortunately man does not have the capacity to know all, as G-d, and I fear the day that they will play such a role.
And I still find telling the guideline’s priorities, in lumping the mentally impaired along with anyone with low statistical survival rates.
Any generalizations and assumptions made by this committee are just that. I know plenty of 85-year olds and almost-85 year-olds who are healthier than people 15 years their junior. And we have plenty of “important” people, I am sure, who have chronic illnesses.
Now I can imagine some of my more liberal readers thinking:
“Well, society has to protect itself. We need to protect those who are more needed by society. This is only a last-resort list.”
Yet, the problem is, we are letting people who are not G-d play G-d. In a crisis, they will need to do their selections quickly. Amazingly articulate and healthy 85 year olds may be refused care, while abusive individuals will receive treatment. And I suppose that people who fail even two criteria will get treated, if they have enough money to bribe the staff.
Unfortunately man does not have the capacity to know all, as G-d, and I fear the day that they will play such a role.
And I still find telling the guideline’s priorities, in lumping the mentally impaired along with anyone with low statistical survival rates.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Pandemic Guidlines
What amazes me most is that they had the guts to print it. Or maybe it doesn’t take guts, because they know that everyone will agree with them
I am writing about the newly released guidelines who not to treat in a pandemic. It boils down to those who are most likely to not survive long term… and one other group. Yup, you guessed it: the mentally impaired and disabled. So if you had any doubts about the reality of where America stands, have no doubts.
Just as a devil’s advocate, I add an idea here. Criminals are not included in the cut. So by US doctors, it would seem that the criminals, terrorists, and murders are more deserving of life than a healthy 20 year-old supermarket bagger with Down syndrome. If that is not discrimination, than what is?
I am writing about the newly released guidelines who not to treat in a pandemic. It boils down to those who are most likely to not survive long term… and one other group. Yup, you guessed it: the mentally impaired and disabled. So if you had any doubts about the reality of where America stands, have no doubts.
Just as a devil’s advocate, I add an idea here. Criminals are not included in the cut. So by US doctors, it would seem that the criminals, terrorists, and murders are more deserving of life than a healthy 20 year-old supermarket bagger with Down syndrome. If that is not discrimination, than what is?
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Empathy
My husband is traveling soon to visit his parents. He of course thinks of little else. I know that when I visited my parents last year, I was totally submerged in thoughts concerning my impending travel. Now that it is my husband traveling, I am rather nonchalant about it.
Now to be fair with myself, part of the difference in my attitude may be that I had not traveled in something like 15 years, whereas my husband visits his parents at least once every two years. Despite that difference, I believe that we are going to react more emotionally to things that affect us personally. It is a proven fact that we are more likely to notice articles in the news that are about topics which concern us.
I remember how when Iraq invaded Kuwait in August 1990, everyone around me was very concerned. I was aware of the danger, living in Israel, which was being threatened with missiles. Be that as it may, my psyche was much more involved, day-to-day, with the birth of my son which had occurred at the same time.
This all leads me to s further point. We have all heard stories of people who do extraordinary acts of kindness to others. I wonder… could it be because these people have managed to feel the needs of others as their own? The ability to tap into the mind and wishes of another would, it seems, predispose one to act in accordance to a new set of priorities.
The difficulty, is, of course, “How do we get to the level where we feel where the other person is?”
Perhaps we must start simply. We must try, at least with family members, to try and imagine THEIR mind-set. This may help us be more empathetic and receptive to their needs.
Now to be fair with myself, part of the difference in my attitude may be that I had not traveled in something like 15 years, whereas my husband visits his parents at least once every two years. Despite that difference, I believe that we are going to react more emotionally to things that affect us personally. It is a proven fact that we are more likely to notice articles in the news that are about topics which concern us.
I remember how when Iraq invaded Kuwait in August 1990, everyone around me was very concerned. I was aware of the danger, living in Israel, which was being threatened with missiles. Be that as it may, my psyche was much more involved, day-to-day, with the birth of my son which had occurred at the same time.
This all leads me to s further point. We have all heard stories of people who do extraordinary acts of kindness to others. I wonder… could it be because these people have managed to feel the needs of others as their own? The ability to tap into the mind and wishes of another would, it seems, predispose one to act in accordance to a new set of priorities.
The difficulty, is, of course, “How do we get to the level where we feel where the other person is?”
Perhaps we must start simply. We must try, at least with family members, to try and imagine THEIR mind-set. This may help us be more empathetic and receptive to their needs.
Only One Week?
Gee, it is only one week since Passover ended and the dishes got put away. It seems already a “long gone” event. I guess the shift of attention (after a month or more being centered on preparations for the holiday) to other, more everyday concerns, adds to the contrast and makes the holiday feel more distant than it is.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Diamonds
Today I spent most of the afternoon putting my kitchen back in order. (I’m 95% done.) It is nice, of course, to have these normally somewhat jumbled dishes sitting primly in order, as if awaiting a beckoning call. I admit that I don’t often straighten them up.
Sometimes the dichotomy of my life strikes me as rather strange. Half of my time is filled up with domestic chores: cooking, laundry, and the like. Much of the second half I am working at a very intellectual pursuit: adapting materials for Ricki’s studies, and studying with her. I adapt materials at a very high level, and considering that I am working in a language that I am not fluent in, this is no mean accomplishment. Yet, in actuality, many women find themselves in a similar ship. I think that the challenge is to realize that all of these facets need to intertwine and interplay to create a fused whole. A diamond has many sides and faces.
We can not ignore one aspect of our lives, just because we find another part more fun, fashionable, or supposedly “dignified”. Because, in the end, our success will not be measured by the money we earn, or the position we held, but by the hearts we have won and held and soothed.
Sometimes the dichotomy of my life strikes me as rather strange. Half of my time is filled up with domestic chores: cooking, laundry, and the like. Much of the second half I am working at a very intellectual pursuit: adapting materials for Ricki’s studies, and studying with her. I adapt materials at a very high level, and considering that I am working in a language that I am not fluent in, this is no mean accomplishment. Yet, in actuality, many women find themselves in a similar ship. I think that the challenge is to realize that all of these facets need to intertwine and interplay to create a fused whole. A diamond has many sides and faces.
We can not ignore one aspect of our lives, just because we find another part more fun, fashionable, or supposedly “dignified”. Because, in the end, our success will not be measured by the money we earn, or the position we held, but by the hearts we have won and held and soothed.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Default Faults
This week an amazing thing happened. Somehow my Office “Word” got smart. You see, most of the pages I develop for Ricki’s schoolwork need to be done in “landscape” orientation, not portrait. I was always exasperated that I could not (or knew not how to…) set the “default” orientation to landscape instead of “portrait”.
Then, low and behold, this week the pages started opening by default in landscape orientation. ("Eureeka!" was my initial response.) The problem is, the first ten times or so that I opened a new page, I needed, of course, portrait mode. Now I have to get used to it. The other day I printed a picture and it came out way too large. A one-third width of a portrait page would have been OK, but one-third of the landscape orientation was way too big. (I couldn’t see the bottom of the page, so I didn’t realize nor remember that it was “landscape”.)
So even when you get what you wish for, it can sometimes not be what you envision…….
Then, low and behold, this week the pages started opening by default in landscape orientation. ("Eureeka!" was my initial response.) The problem is, the first ten times or so that I opened a new page, I needed, of course, portrait mode. Now I have to get used to it. The other day I printed a picture and it came out way too large. A one-third width of a portrait page would have been OK, but one-third of the landscape orientation was way too big. (I couldn’t see the bottom of the page, so I didn’t realize nor remember that it was “landscape”.)
So even when you get what you wish for, it can sometimes not be what you envision…….
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
The bus seat partner
Today Ricki and I were returning from her swimming lesson, by way of bus. She wanted to seat separate from me. She likes the independence, so sometimes I agree to sit elsewhere. At first it seemed that she just wanted the extra empty seat for her bag. But as the bus started filling up a bit, she moved the bag to allow others to sit. She saw a twwn get on, and asked her “Want to sit with me?”
Well, the teen was amazing. Even though she was with a friend, she caught on that Ricki wanted company, and told her friend “I’m sitting here.” She talked very nicely to Ricki. Five bus stops later we alighted; the teen waved, and went to join her friend.
The nicest thing is that she did it all very naturally, and not in a “Pity party” way.
Good for Her!
(And good for Ricki to show a bit of initiative!)
Well, the teen was amazing. Even though she was with a friend, she caught on that Ricki wanted company, and told her friend “I’m sitting here.” She talked very nicely to Ricki. Five bus stops later we alighted; the teen waved, and went to join her friend.
The nicest thing is that she did it all very naturally, and not in a “Pity party” way.
Good for Her!
(And good for Ricki to show a bit of initiative!)
Monday, April 28, 2008
Computer Glitch
Today I spent much of the day trying to deal with a computer glitch. In order to fix something, I had deleted my printer, and when trying to reinstall it, the program decided that my main disk had no empty space (not true at all!). Eventually I got everything working, but felt quite frustrated at the waste of time.
I suspect my husband felt that it was an “avoidance of work” on my part, since my kitchen is still in a state of post-Pesach havoc. (I had put the special Passover dishes away, but had only arranged to arrange about two thirds of the regular dishes. The rest were strewn around VERY haphazardly.)
Yet the reality is that Ricki’s return to school means my return to adapting materials….which is impossible without a good graphics program/ scanner/ printer/computer.
And you can add “time” to that list, which means that tonight I will not be tackling those dishes, either. Geography of France is awaiting my “touch”.
I suspect my husband felt that it was an “avoidance of work” on my part, since my kitchen is still in a state of post-Pesach havoc. (I had put the special Passover dishes away, but had only arranged to arrange about two thirds of the regular dishes. The rest were strewn around VERY haphazardly.)
Yet the reality is that Ricki’s return to school means my return to adapting materials….which is impossible without a good graphics program/ scanner/ printer/computer.
And you can add “time” to that list, which means that tonight I will not be tackling those dishes, either. Geography of France is awaiting my “touch”.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
A Thoughtful Gesture
Tomorrow Ricki resumes school after a two-week “holiday” break. The pause in studies has left her a bit hesitant, a touch disconnected with the reality that tomorrow morning it is “get up and go” as usual.
So it was with great pleasure that I witnessed a tiny act of thoughtfulness and wisdom:
Ricki’s teacher (regular classroom) called her up this evening, to ask how her vacation had gone, and to mention that classes resume tomorrow morning.
Ricki bragged of course about how much she had helped (today she actually did). It all was a good way of “priming the pump” for tomorrow.
So it was with great pleasure that I witnessed a tiny act of thoughtfulness and wisdom:
Ricki’s teacher (regular classroom) called her up this evening, to ask how her vacation had gone, and to mention that classes resume tomorrow morning.
Ricki bragged of course about how much she had helped (today she actually did). It all was a good way of “priming the pump” for tomorrow.
Well, I DID enjoy this! (See previous post.) Thank G-d, the family pitched in and helped. (Two teenage sons peeled one day no less than 60 potatoes… there being little else appropriate in the way of starch for Passover.) All of our married children came at one point or the other during the seven day holiday, and I had time to read four books!
I hope to recommence posting regularly now that Passover is behind us.
I hope to recommence posting regularly now that Passover is behind us.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Vegetables
Today I bought vegetables for Pesach. Now, since we don’t eat any bread, rice, or legumes on Passover, I needed to buy a not-inconsiderable amount of vegetables, because what else will there be to eat?
Later, as I was putting the produce away in the fridge (some of it…), I paused.
“You realize that you are going to peel all of this in the ten days ahead? OK, so the family will help. MOST of it….
Yes, I will.
So WHAT?
It is my privilege, opportunity, and pleasure to host my married sons and their families for parts of the holidays, so I am going to ENJOY this!
Later, as I was putting the produce away in the fridge (some of it…), I paused.
“You realize that you are going to peel all of this in the ten days ahead? OK, so the family will help. MOST of it….
Yes, I will.
So WHAT?
It is my privilege, opportunity, and pleasure to host my married sons and their families for parts of the holidays, so I am going to ENJOY this!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
The Rushed Countdown
Well, it is already less than a week before Pesach (Passover), and cleaning is moving ahead full steam. I am actually not doing too badly (schedule-wise). This is possibly due to the fact that my printer is broken, so I am not tempted to make worksheets, books, or the like for Ricki. (I am not going to make them if I can’t print them!)
The most frustrating thing are the teens who somehow expect good solid meals even though I am presently kitchen-less. (The kitchen is between regular and Pesach state.) It seems to me that sandwiches are fine!
We were at the seamstress again, and she was nice and understood Ricki’s need for privacy! Also, I went shopping a bit with Ricki, and for once she was well-behaved. Progress!
The most frustrating thing are the teens who somehow expect good solid meals even though I am presently kitchen-less. (The kitchen is between regular and Pesach state.) It seems to me that sandwiches are fine!
We were at the seamstress again, and she was nice and understood Ricki’s need for privacy! Also, I went shopping a bit with Ricki, and for once she was well-behaved. Progress!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
The Salad Maker
My daughter Ricki has the attribute that many of us do: she knows what she SHOULD eat, but doesn’t apply it so well. For most of us, this means trying to eat healthy, yet occasionally (or more often) eating something we know is not a good health choice. Then more often then naught, we will feel guilty, and try again.
Ricki has a unique approach. She will announce that she is going to eat “healthy”. She then prepares a salad, and some other food. Then she will eat the other food, and and decide that she is “too tired” to eat the salad.
What is exasperating about this is that the vegetables, after she has made the salad are often unusable and unappetizing for others to use. Sometimes she adds too much oil. On occasion she concocts salads with extra, strange ingredients. And if one tries to stop her (“You know you will not eat the salad in the end…”), she swears in all seriousness that THIS time she will.
She WANTS to eat right, but somehow it just doesn’t go.
Ricki has a unique approach. She will announce that she is going to eat “healthy”. She then prepares a salad, and some other food. Then she will eat the other food, and and decide that she is “too tired” to eat the salad.
What is exasperating about this is that the vegetables, after she has made the salad are often unusable and unappetizing for others to use. Sometimes she adds too much oil. On occasion she concocts salads with extra, strange ingredients. And if one tries to stop her (“You know you will not eat the salad in the end…”), she swears in all seriousness that THIS time she will.
She WANTS to eat right, but somehow it just doesn’t go.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
The Fitting
I went with Ricky for a fitting of a new dress I am having sewn for her. It was our second visit to this seamstress. At the first, when we were ordering the dress, Ricki was not on good behavior. The lady tried to cajole her to stand straight, but I could see that she was not willing to use a firm tone with Ricki, and instead offered her sweets. I was non too pleased, but decided that considering Ricki’s behavior, and her not knowing her, it could pass. Today Ricki also was not 100%, but was a bit better. The lady brought the basted dress for Ricky to try on. The problem was, that her son (age 6? 7?) was in the room. Finally I asked, “You want her to try the dress on over her clothing?!?”
“No. of course not.”
“Then your son has to leave the room.” (DUH. I thought it was obvious!)
In our society, where women are very modest, a thirteen year old would never try on a dress in front of a boy. The only reason I can think of for her to expect Ricky to go ahead and try on the dress was because she views her as a young child due to her “specialness”. Well, I certainly wasn’t going to go for that!
“No. of course not.”
“Then your son has to leave the room.” (DUH. I thought it was obvious!)
In our society, where women are very modest, a thirteen year old would never try on a dress in front of a boy. The only reason I can think of for her to expect Ricky to go ahead and try on the dress was because she views her as a young child due to her “specialness”. Well, I certainly wasn’t going to go for that!
Monday, April 7, 2008
The Smart and the Didn’t Think
The Smart
I took Ricki to the hairdresser today to get her hair cut (her sister doesn’t have time lately). She was last at a hairdresser before her brother’s wedding several years ago. Even though I assumed that she had forgotten, she hadn’t. She knew just what to do, and asked me about what wedding we would be attending!
The Didn’t Think
Ricki ruined an album full of photos today, because she took it in a plastic bag to her exercise class- - - - along with a popsicle.
I took Ricki to the hairdresser today to get her hair cut (her sister doesn’t have time lately). She was last at a hairdresser before her brother’s wedding several years ago. Even though I assumed that she had forgotten, she hadn’t. She knew just what to do, and asked me about what wedding we would be attending!
The Didn’t Think
Ricki ruined an album full of photos today, because she took it in a plastic bag to her exercise class- - - - along with a popsicle.
Are We Thankful for What We Have?
In Orthodox Jewish communities, everyone is busy with cleaning for Passover. It involves a lot of work, and often late nights. Women tend to demonize it a bit.
But let’s think back and look. Are any of your family members in the hospital? Do you have money to buy matzahs? Are you free of worry over a possible blood-libel, as Jews used to worry about at this time of year?
If these, and most of the other areas of our lives are intact, I think we need to count our blessings and stop complaining about the work.
But let’s think back and look. Are any of your family members in the hospital? Do you have money to buy matzahs? Are you free of worry over a possible blood-libel, as Jews used to worry about at this time of year?
If these, and most of the other areas of our lives are intact, I think we need to count our blessings and stop complaining about the work.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
The Recipe Book
Some women get shoes or dresses for Yom Tov (holidays); I buy books. So I went late last week to buy books to treat myself with during Pesach (Passover), which will arrive in two more weeks. In addition, I bought a Passover cookbook. [Anyone who knows me and books will ask “Why so early? Won’t you dive into them before the holiday?” The answer is that from now to Passover I will be too busy to go shopping. I manage to stay away from the books by putting them up in the boxes with my Pesach dishes where they are rather inaccessible.] The cookbook I allowed myself to peek into, because I would need to buy the needed ingredients if I planned to use the recipes.
Now a note on me and cooking... I don’t mind on occasion spending time and energy to cook something nice, especially if it is for holidays, and if guests are expected. Other then that, I usually go for simpler foods, simply because of time limitations. Also, even on holidays I will only fiddle around with a few things, because if I am cooking for a large crowd, I have limited time and energy. (Especially since I will want to dive into a new book as soon as possible….) This is surely true on Passover, when nearly everything has to be made from scratch, since few foods are produced for Passover with an excellent kashruth (kosher) supervision. You shouldn’t think my family starves on Pesach. My standard repertoire of Passover dishes, besides soup, fish, and meat, include various salads, eggplant spread, mayonnaise, and apple jelly.
So even though I have one very good down-to-earth Pesach cookbook, I purchased another one, to give me some new ideas and variety, including even a few fancier things for Yom Tov (the more important days of the holiday).
Well, I must say I was a bit disappointed in the end. Almost everything in the new cookbook was fancy (few normal recipes), but worst of all, several calling for ingredients I would not use nor obtain for Passover. (Many called for margarine or butter. I have never even HEARD of Passover margarine. Butter I can get, but it makes the food “milky”, which is not suitable to use along with meat meals, which are customary on Yom Tov.) Add to that the fact that 95% of the meat recipes all called for an oven, and I don’t have a kosher for Pesach meat oven. I am hoping tomorrow to take a second, closer look at the book, but I think I will need to stay with my standard fare and down-to-earth cookbook, which I do certainly enjoy.
But then, if I get one or two really good ideas, and suitably impress my daughters-in-law, maybe it will be worth it? (But then what will I do with the awful pride that will result…?)
Now a note on me and cooking... I don’t mind on occasion spending time and energy to cook something nice, especially if it is for holidays, and if guests are expected. Other then that, I usually go for simpler foods, simply because of time limitations. Also, even on holidays I will only fiddle around with a few things, because if I am cooking for a large crowd, I have limited time and energy. (Especially since I will want to dive into a new book as soon as possible….) This is surely true on Passover, when nearly everything has to be made from scratch, since few foods are produced for Passover with an excellent kashruth (kosher) supervision. You shouldn’t think my family starves on Pesach. My standard repertoire of Passover dishes, besides soup, fish, and meat, include various salads, eggplant spread, mayonnaise, and apple jelly.
So even though I have one very good down-to-earth Pesach cookbook, I purchased another one, to give me some new ideas and variety, including even a few fancier things for Yom Tov (the more important days of the holiday).
Well, I must say I was a bit disappointed in the end. Almost everything in the new cookbook was fancy (few normal recipes), but worst of all, several calling for ingredients I would not use nor obtain for Passover. (Many called for margarine or butter. I have never even HEARD of Passover margarine. Butter I can get, but it makes the food “milky”, which is not suitable to use along with meat meals, which are customary on Yom Tov.) Add to that the fact that 95% of the meat recipes all called for an oven, and I don’t have a kosher for Pesach meat oven. I am hoping tomorrow to take a second, closer look at the book, but I think I will need to stay with my standard fare and down-to-earth cookbook, which I do certainly enjoy.
But then, if I get one or two really good ideas, and suitably impress my daughters-in-law, maybe it will be worth it? (But then what will I do with the awful pride that will result…?)
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
A Mom’s Worry
A young woman came to borrow a pregnancy book from me today. I was a bit surprised, as she is really only finishing her first month, and most women are a bit shy to share the news with non-family members so early. She was definitely nervous. She looked at Ricki, though, and didn’t get a “fright”. (Some pregnant women do….) This lady was concerned about eating right, not overdoing things, etc. I gave her a few pointers, like stay away from “natural” drugs as much as she would regular ones. Then I told her “I can see you are nervous. Know that worrying about your kids is part of the package. We all worry, we let our kids take normal risks (like class trips), and we learn to live with it.”
I remember the first time my oldest step-daughter sent HER oldest on a school trip. She called me up and said "now I understand...."
I remember the first time my oldest step-daughter sent HER oldest on a school trip. She called me up and said "now I understand...."
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