She Has It Down Pat….

    Ricki came home from school, coming through the front door in a cloud of exclamations.

   "Mom, where are you? You must see this! I have the forms for camp! Come see!"

    The regular school year is almost over (already?!?). This will be followed by a summer program, which will include a one-night sleep-over ("camp").  Ricki has all the information down pat: where they get served lunch, which teachers will be there, what to pack, etc. She is VERY excited!

    When was the last time I was that excited? I guess when I went to visit my mother last summer. May we all have happy events to look forward to .

The "Gozal" ("Fledgling") Returns…..

     I don't know how it is to be a mother in a peaceful country… but I am sure the feelings are the same as here:  we feel better when our kids are around. Somehow we carry within, we women, the expectations that if danger lurks beyond our doorstep (whatever that danger might be), at least at home they are safe. Of course, this is also an illusion… even though dangers are less at home, nowhere does G-d guarantee us a respite from the challenges of life.

    But having our older children around, those who are married, and who come for a visit, or a visit from sons in the army (or out-of town schools), has an added bonus: the pleasure of watching them mature, act responsibly (well, MOST of the time!)…..you get a chance to see some of the results of all the education, tears, listening, etc that carried them through the first twenty years of their life.

   Unfortunately, my married children don't come all that often, for various reasons. But this week my youngest-army son ("Y") moved back home. For a while he had been living with his older brother, but that brother is now in the states, and "Y" decided to move back home.

   In a way, the change should not be that great, as it was he was usually here at least once a week, anyway. (In addition, most of the week he is stationed in the north, too far to "pop in".)  And even though he darted in and out over the days he was home, I still  definitely felt the difference. This mother hen was very glad to have the hatchling back in the nest, glad for the additional chances to "mother" him, to share our space with him, to see this young fellow growing up.

Vanity Versus Health

    As I come closer to my ideal weight, the comments continue, usually something along the lines of:

-"Where is your other half?"

-"HOW did you do it?"

-"Rickismom, is that you?"

   But I have also been getting, much more frequently, urging to not lose more.

-"You look great, you've lost enough…"

-"If you lose more, it will just show in your face…"

    Now comments like these from anyone heavier than me are suspect. But lately, I've been getting these remarks also from thin women, and from people whose opinions I respect.

   As of today, my BMI is 30--- I am finally out of the "obese" range, but still classified as "overweight". I have been aiming for the higher side of the "normal", or "healthy" BMI range, which for my height is 66 kilos. I think that I can easily add 5 kilos to that figure, to compensate for extra skin layers (until I have them removed, if ever). That gives me a target of 73 kilos.

    However, I DO feel great where I am today… I have strength, feel good, and am pleased with myself.

   So yesterday I sat down to decide if I want to continue losing, and if so, by how much. Am I willing to have more facial wrinkles in order to reach a healthy BMI? Or since I feel so go-darn-good, maybe I CAN stop here? Is the difference between a BMI of 25  and 30 really going to have such an effect?

Vanity or Health?

   I one wrote that I'd rather LOOK old than FEEL old. But I already feel young, and wouldn't mind skipping those extra wrinkles……

    In the end, I decided that 5 more kilos will give me a buffer zone for maintenance, and to shoot for 75. And at that point, I'll be half of what I was about 4 years ago.

Not Self-Limiting Ourselves…..

[image: A poor photo of my mother and Ricki (I was taking the picture) at the top of the climb to Bierstadt (which is a few minutes walk away, behind me).]

   This post is a continuation comment on a very old post. (The Ranger story...) Check HERE  . I posted the photo to give you an idea of the altitude gain, which is about 566 feet. We started the hike slightly below the trees in the valley below.

Today's comment:

 Don't let other's perceptions of what you can do to limit you! Just because people of 150 kilos (330 lbs) are rarely seen on the trail does NOT mean that you can't do it! (Note that I HAD been walking daily for at least a half year before this occurred and was used to hiking...).

     Recently I have seen how much my overweight limited me. While most of these were due to the weight itself, some things may have been because of my own embarrassment, society's "rules", etc

   While many of society's strictures are rooted in good old common sense, many times we limit ourselves due to factors like "it isn't commonly done", "everyone will stare at me", etc. But if you want to do something, as long as it is moral, GO FOR IT!

Hanging in There…..

   For the last two and a half monthes my weight has been pretty much static… wavering from an all-time low of just barely under 80 kilos to 82 or 3. But mostly around 81. There were severeal reasons for this..

v -the pre-Passover period(ie., sleep deprivation coupled with swiss chocolate "instant energy")

v -Passover (guests, festive meals)

v -Ricki being in the hospital

v -My surgery

   So as I went to weigh myself this morning, I was beset with negative thoughts. How long will it take me to get back to under 80 kilos? If I find it so hard to lose, what will happen when I'm older and can't just walk out the door for a brisk hour walk to burn off an extra 200 calories?

   But the truth is, if we are honest with ourselves, correctly counting calories, portion sizes, noting pitfalls, and correcting them, EVENTUALLY we will see the results. We just have to hang in there and keep going.

   [And BTW, I clocked in at 79.75 kilos today. YEA!]

Cherries "LKavod Shabbas"

[explanation for those that may need it: The Jewish Sabbath ("Shabbas"), is celebrated, amongst other ways, by eating three festive meals. It is customary to purchase and/or prepare especially good food for the Sabbath. This food  is bought "LKavod" ("in honor of") the Sabbath.]

POST:

   Losing weight has not only enhanced my health. It has enhanced my observance of the seventh day, Shabbas. Here's why…

  Have you ever baked a cake "LKavod shabbas", only to eat more on Friday than on the Sabbath? Or purchased a food item for the Sabbath in amounts plentiful enough for Friday AND shabbas? That used to happen to me a lot. Yes, there is a custom to taste the Sabbath food being cooked on Thursday or Friday to be sure that it is tasty, but let's not kid ourselves. In many households much of the Sabbath food is sampled in quantity on Friday, making it a bit less special on the Sabbath.

   But now that I am dieting, I strain to keep my calorie count on Fridays to a minimum, knowing that I have a two course meal ahead Friday evening. So I bake the "shabbas cake" with one tiny lick of the batter (to be sure that I didn't substitute salt for sugar and the like…), and generally save the cake itself for Saturday morning. And the cherries I bought specially "LKavod shabbas" this week went untasted by me until shabbas. And when I DID have them, they were REALLY in honor of the seventh day, and not just a weekly excuse to indulge….

The "Brownie Points"

    Ricki's older sister and her husband live in a room on our roof at the present. So it is hardly surprising that my cooking has been influenced… not only by amounts, but by content. You see, my son-in-law is of Moroccan extraction, so gefilte fish and bland meat balls just don't make the grade. But since my husband grew up in Brazil, and is used to spicy foods, He is also amenable to the use of more spices, so I am gradually changing a lot about the way I cook. I still keep things pretty "cool" (bland), but sometimes throw in some fresh Kuzbarah (Coriander), and on occasion, even a touch of hot pepper.

   Yesterday (Wednesday) I made some Chili in a slow cooker, and threw in a nice bit of chili powder to satisfy the men.  I knew that it would be a smidgen spicy for me, but that's OK. HOWEVER I remembered a bit too late that I was surely out-classing Ricki's piquant-quotient. But I could solve that by mixing in some leftover rice to her portion. And that worked fine… at first.

  Ricki enjoyed her serving of Chili, and went to the kitchen for a second portion. [She had eaten enough, but she wanted more, and we have not yet put up a gate to keep the kitchen off limits.] She dished more chili onto her plate, but neglected to add rice, since there was no more. Sitting down in the dining room, she took a few bites, and then announced meritoriously:
   "I'm not going to eat this second portion. It's really too much for me…."

   I confess that her completely out-of-character passing up a second portion of food prompted my husband and I to erupt in a burst of laughter, much to Ricki's chagrin. My husband quickly noted, "Nebbach  (ie.,poor thing),she wants to at least earn "brownie points" if she can't eat the food."

 So we stifled our chuckles, and I praised her for 'curbing' her appetite…..

The Ripple Effect

Introduction:

   I used to be an avid daily reader of Dave Hingsburger's blog, Rolling Around in my Head. He is an articulate blogger, and an entertaining one as well. Even more important, he is an informative writer, and a world expert on prevention of abuse, and on sex education of those with intellectual disabilities. Lately I haven't had time to keep up with ANY of my blog reading, so I have pages and pages of his blog copied to real paper to read some day at my convenience. I want some day to catch up on reading his blog, something I have not done with the other blogs that I read. [For any of my readers with a child with special needs, I consider this blog as the ONE blog not to miss.] [And to any readers who wonder how a chareidi orthodox Jew can read the blog of someone who has what the Torah deems a "deviant" life style, I can only say that I need not agree with every action done by every blogger that I read. And his dealing with insults has given Mr. Hingsburger a very "true" knowledge of the ramifications of prejudice and abuse.] Over the years, Dave has evolved from having a very aggressive interaction to insults (due to his disability) to a more mature stance, and his stories involving those with intellectual disabilities are often very heartwarming, and always informative. His blog has often given me the push I need to let Ricki do things more independently.

Blog:

   Now this morning, for some reason I decided not to "dive into" my day, and did some reading instead. I checked out the last few posts on "Rolling Around in my Head", and found this story.

[Nu, I'll wait while you go read it….] 

      Now Dave has even "better" stories on his blog, but I feel that we all can learn something tremendous from this story.  The audience member who left the cough drops for Dave thought that he was doing a kindness for Dave, and he was. But unless he reads this (Dave's) blog, he will never know the extended benefit that his small act of kindness served.

   Our actions have ripple effects. A child sent out of the house with a loving hug and a smile (rather than a snarled "Run downstairs FAST before you miss your ride") will probably undoubtedly have a better and more productive day.  A warm smile, a helping hand, the smallest of gestures, will not only accomplish that small kindness, but it has a ripple effect on the person receiving it, and often even on passersby. And often only G-d will know the consequences of our deeds.

Washing Her Hands…..

Introduction: Those of you unfamiliar with Jewish law will understand this post better if you know the following: Jewish law requires that before consuming bread, one needs to ritually wash one's hands (with water from a cup, poured over the hands).

The Post: 

    Ricki had gotten up a bit late this morning, lethargic after the extended three-day "Shavuot" holiday weekend. She didn't feel 100%, and decided that she would stay home for the day, which I allowed. I prepared a light breakfast of toasted bread for each of us, hers with ketchup, and mine with 5% white cheese. I washed my hands, sat down, and said a blessing over the food. Ricki promptly sat down and dug in, without blessing or washing her hands.

 - "Um, Ricki, it seems to me that you forgot to wash your hands…."

-  (shrug)

- "Ricki, you know that you need to wash your hands…"

(SHRUG from her)

-"Ricki, the angels in heaven are waiting to see you wash your hands and bless…"

   A few moments passed. I decided that arguing with her would be counter-productive, and indeed, a few moments later, when it was no longer apparent that she was "capitulating", she went to wash.

TEENS!

Monopoly

Monopoly

   [an aside: I tried writing this post from the hospital a few days ago, but was unable to complete the post. Hence the post being "titled" only for a few days….]

  Remember the Monopoly games of our youth? Remember the "get out of jail free" card? It was always a good one to have.

   Now try and imagine an inmate playing monopoly with the prison head, and on drawing the "get out of jail free" card, he is informed by the jailer that he can leave the prison for good. Wouldn't he be ecstatic?

   Sometimes I feel that I have drawn the "get out of jail free" card in my life. Overweight was limiting me in so many ways that I can hardly count them. Some I was not really aware of until the weight came off and I experienced life without all that extra poundage….

   Here are just a few that recently came to mind:

-the ability to ride a bike in the park

-hospital gowns that fit and wrap around and cover the back of you as well as the front

-hospital staff who see you as a person, not just as a BMI of 50+

-being able to run to catch a bus

   These are just a few things. But I really feel that I've left the jail of my own making…..

AMAZING

   Amazingly, we are home already! (And it 's a good thing, too, because they were NOT giving Ricki her psychiatric drug and she was driving ME crazy!

Ricki update

   Ricki was left in ICU for shabbat, so I walked over there (75 minutes walk each way) early in the morning , before it got too hot.
   This evening I went again and she is doing MUCH better. Hopefully she will go to a regular floor tomorrow AM, and maybe even home before the next weekend....

Getting Run Over by a Truck…

   No, thank G-d, not even anything remotely related to trucks entered my sphere today. But on returning home after visiting Ricki in the morning, and doing a few health checks for myself, I forwent doing some needed housework, and simply sank into bed for a half hour. I mumbled to my husband on the way “I still feel like I’ve been run over by a truck…”

   Albeit this was an EXTREEME exaggeration, but just the previous evening I remembered a friend who used to always say “I feel like death warmed over…”. I was able to relate. So Last night (Wednesday), I made a point to get in a decent amount (at least for me) of shut-eye. So why was I STILL feeling exhausted?

   Let’s face it. Having a child in the hospital, especially ICU, is stressful. Even though in my mind I understand that Ricki will (G-d willing) be OK., the tiny nagging voice of fear reminds me that there are no guarantees. In addition, my schedule is a whirlwind not of my own design, and I am encumbered by the necessity of navigating around visiting hours, bus time-tables, etc.

   Add to this the realization that one is undoubtedly being evaluated by hospital personnel, people I am dependant on at this moment for Ricki’s well-being. All of these ingredients add up to a pretty spicy soup!

   So here are a few tips for those who may someday find themselves in the hospital with a loved one:

1) Eat healthy. Take the time to go to the hospital grocery (or a store nearby) and buy some vegetables and fruit. DON’T subsist on coffee and pastries.

2) Get up when your family member is sleeping and walk around a bit in the hall. Stretch your legs. (An MP3 with music enhances this….)

3) Get some easy listening music onto an MP3 player to listen to when you want to relax.

4) Sometimes skip #2 and nap instead….

5) Listen to the news report to remind yourself that the outside world still exists….

6) Remember to frequently say “Thank you” to the staff.

7) And if they handled your relative when he/she was in a “cranky mood”, and did it well, let them know how much you admire the way they handled the situation….

8) Preface requests with “When you are able…” “When you have a few moments, could…” This implies your understanding that your relative is not their only patient, and important priorities might preclude them helping you this second.

9) Remind them of requests if needed, but calmly.

10) If you catch them snacking/eating, (UNLESS IF THERE IS AN EMERGENCY) tell them “Bon Appetite. Later I would like to see you….”

Enhancement

   Since Ricki is still in ICU, and I can not be with her the whole day, I took the opportunity to run do a few health check-ups that I needed.  As I was sitting waiting for some test results at the health fund, I saw an obviously pregnant woman exiting the ultrasound suite. Now usually women look pretty happy when they do this test, assuming that all is well. She, while not looking upset, DID NOT look very happy either. I wondered to myself if she had been told of the possibility of some problem. What would I tell a woman who has learned that life is becoming more complicated than she had hoped for, IF I could?

   I would not give a “Pollyanna” whitewash. Having a special needs child is tough at times. But I would add this:

   Yes, mothering Ricki is tough at times, and sometimes I mutter to myself that when I agreed to take her home, I never dreamed that she would do “XYZ”….LOL. Yet having parented Ricki has enhanced my life in SO MANY WAYS.

-   I have become friends with other “special needs Moms”, who by and large are an incredible group of ladies.

-  I have learned to enjoy what I have, and take much less for granted.

-  I am much better able to emphasize with people who are going through a crises of any type.

-  I have learned that my worth is not based on what my child accomplishes (the “My Son, the Doctor” syndrome), but on the choices I make.

-  I have learned that as much as I think that I am in control of my life, G-d laughs at my stupidity, and can turn my universe topsy-turvy in a moment….

-  I have learned that love need have no limits…..

update

Ricki in ICU, but (so far at least) not intubated. CO2 levels way too high. Getting antibiotics, steroids, tamiflu

Ricki in Hospital

Ricki is in the hospital again with pneumonia, similar to the scenario we went through last year. (See  posts of June 5-23). So far she has not been intubated, but today she was sent to ICU and her CO2 levels are high. They even did a CT of her lungs to check for underlying lung disease, but the results are inconclusive.

Havel Havelim #358

    Again I am hosting “Haveil Havalim”, a roundup of posts from the Jewish blogsphere, carnival style. Founded by Soccer Dad, Haveil Havalim is a carnival of Jewish blogs — a weekly collection of Jewish & Israeli blog highlights, tidbits and points of interest collected from blogs all around the world. It’s hosted by different bloggers each week and coordinated by Jack. The term "Haveil Havalim," which means “Vanity of Vanities,” is from Koheleth, (Ecclesiastes) which was written by King Solomon.

The site that runs blog carnival has been fuzzy at best as of late and has left those of us hosting relying on writers to join the Facebookgroup and check there for whom is hosting and to whom you need to email your weekly posts. You can still try to submit them through the “ Blogcarnival” page but I wouldn’t count on it….

When submitting posts, remember that they should be from the last week.

[Disclaimer: My posting of Havel Havelim does not mean that I agree with every viewpoint of these blogs.]

   Well, I can start out with the good news that I received many more submissions than the paltry few which were sent to me last time, in January. So here we go!

POLITICS

   - With elections in the air we will probably inundated in coming weeks with posts in the sub-category of “POLITICS”.  And the ever-prolific blogger Batya Medad of Shiloh Musings has kicked the ball off with 2 posts, “The PoliticalPressure Against….” and “Tsippi Livni Quits…”

[Batya also reminds of the monthly Rosh Chodesh gathering at Tel Shiloh...]

   -ESSER AGAROTH at (where else?)ESSER AGAROTH comments on “More Co-dependent Idiocy From the IsraeliGovernment”

Memorial/Independence Days

Sharon Marks Altshul, blogging at “The Real JerusalemStreets”

gives us three pictorial blogs of recent events in Jerusalem:

1.)Independence Day celebrations

2.)the passing of Ben Tzion Netanyahu

3.)and a march for the cure of breast cancer

Paula (at “A Soldier’s Mother”) 

In her touching post “How Far We Reach” speaks about the Post-Army service period… but there’s more. (I don’t want to spoil it for you.)

Ruti at “Ki Yachol Nuchal” shares in “The Wrong Time to Dance” 

a view that surely the dancers did not want to share. In addition she writes a poignant post (and of some Israeli pride) in her “ You Can’t Keep a Good Jew Down”

JUDAISM/ TORAH

Yoel Meltzer blogs at  “Towards a New JewishMindset” and gives us a dvar Torah “What is the “holiness” ofthe Shabbat?” 

 -Sara Brown at “AJew in the Rain”, (a blog which somehow, I’ve missed discovering until now….) shares and comments on an intriguing photo, in her post “InvisibleJudaism”   

   -This week, Susan Barnes from “To Kiss a Mezuza” 

takes the prize for “intriguing post title” with her post“How to Blow up a Demon”.

    - And Susan’s post prompted me (“Rickismom”) to sit down and write a post that had been percolating in my mind for a while: “Perceptions of Our Challenges”   (at Beneath the Wings)

       [Believe me, I was tempted to call my post “Blowing up Demons, continued”, but that would be plagiarism. I have to learn from Susan how to write post titles……..]

PERSONAL / MISC

 At Trip’nUp (another new blog for me) Trip’n Mommy writes about  “Loving Life InIsrael: Raining Hope”

Miriam Goodman of “Miriam’s Words”  posts about “Our Chai Aliyah Anniversary”

Ester (“Northern Lights”) at “Frugel and Kosher” blog gives us a post “Online Shopping”

The Yiddishe Cup presents his view of the shidduch scene with ”SeminaryBrainwashing #1”

  That’s it for this week!

   Susan Barnes of “ToKiss A Mezuza”  will be hosting next week’s HH. You can PM her on facebook with submissions. 

Driving and Safety / Death Rears its Ugly Head

  Just this morning there was a terrible accident outside, at our corner.  Two young men on a motorcycle were thrown a huge distance; and at least one died.
    I do not know if alcohol or drugs were involved by either of the parties, or cell phone use, or not. But I want to take this opportunity to remind all of the dangers of all three. Most people today know well about alcohol and driving not being a good mix.
   But what people don't realize is that using a cellular phone, even HANDS-FREE is JUST AS DANGEROUS!. (click on link)

    My married daughter and son-in-law arrived on the scene moments after the accident... I don't imagine either will sleep tonight after what they saw. I have been sick at heart the whole day after hearing their description. Then, to my horror, it became apparent that I know the parents of the young man who died.
     Yes, death comes of so sudden at times. We shudder at the realization of our frailty.
  I am simply so caught up in this, and can think of little else. I know that this will pass for me, I will soon be back to "normal life".
    As I always say: "All we have power over is what WE do and how WE act." Nothing else.....

Perceptions of Our Challenges

In the Talmud Rabbi Yehuda said:   

    “In the Time-to-Come, The Holy One, Blessed is He (G-d) will bring the yetzer hara (evil inclination) and slaughter him before the righteous and the evil. To the righteous it will appear like a high mountain, and to the evil it will appear like a thread of hair. Both will cry; the righteous will cry and say, “How were we able to overcome this high mountain?” The evil will cry and say, “How were we not be able to overcome this thread of hair?” (Succah 52a)

       So is it big or small? How can it be both? Whose perception is correct?

       Actually, both. It’s like this (and I am examining this from the view of working on diet and exercise, but you can take this to any bad habit you need to work on…):

    People who are severely overweight tend to believe that their overeating is beyond control. I remember at one diet group that I attended years ago (which was not successful for me), one woman moaned “But this is a full-life ‘prison sentence’!”

   The presenter said no, that after one loses weight, they will not need to strictly diet. But in reality she missed the point completely. (No wonder her group didn’t work….)

   Any changes in lifestyle needed to lose weight will need to be continued, at least in a milder form, for one’s entire life (if you want to keep that weight off). BUT THAT IS NOT PRISON!!!   Prison is the enslavement we endure to food, the feeling that we can not break free from overeating, and the limitations that overweight places on us! And even more importantly, the presenter needed to inform her clients that if the work on making correct choices, they will acclimate to the new way of life. Gradually they will come to ENJOY their healthier lifestyle, even with the new limitations which seem so constricting at first glance. Even if you are used to eating a huge plateful of pasta for lunch, and a regular-sized serving seems miniscule, it will not appear that way forever. Each correct choice you make strengthens your resolve, creates new habits and expectations. Your psyche and body become accustomed to the new reality. There comes a day when you really prefer a nice salad (most days, at least) to an overly sweet  cream cake that is simply too rich for your newly developed taste buds.

   So let’s return to that Gemorah (Talmud passage) quoted above. The person who did not conquer his desires thinks that he has an insurmountable urge. But in reality, it is not so. The “dieter” needs to take things day-by-day, one moment at a time. He will find that each single instance of resisting his desires is not that hard, as long as he is determined to change his past patterns. (For example, fasting on Yom Kipper is not harder for the overweight person than the thin, as he understands with certainty that he can not eat.) One becomes habituated to being able to (generally) resist. He discovers that being in control of what he does is empowering. Liberating.

  And when all is said and done, G-d will show him that bit by bit, moment by moment (hair-by-hair), he climbed a full mountain!  

   [Hmmm... maybe I should apply this to my habit of under-sleeping as well as overeating,..........]

   (Thanks to Susan Barnes, whose post “How to Slaughter a Demon” prompted me to go ahead and write a post I have been toying around with for a while…. But if you follow the link, read the whole thing, don’t stop after just reading how to slaughter the demon….)

Ouzel Falls