Wednesday, December 12, 2012

"Have You Recovered?"

    I was pretty sure I would never sit in our pediatrician's office again. With Ricki dead, and all the other "kids" being at an age above the 18-year-old cut off age for pediatricians, it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that unless I would run into her doctor on the street, I wouldn't see her pediatrician. After Ricki's death I wondered what he would say if he saw me, but knew that it would be awkward for him, at best.  I am sure every doctor queries himself what could have been done different to prevent a death.
   Well, this afternoon found me sitting in his office, doing a favor for my daughter, whose son goes to the same doctor. Both He and his secretary asked me straight away "Have you recovered?"
   I answered "Yes", but thought to myself that it was a pretty stupid question. Ask how I am, how I am faring, yes. Recovered?!? Sorry, you never recover from the death of a child.


perlsand said...

i remember being asked that after losing our daughter 22 years ago.Most of the time, we are so shocked by people's questions and/or don't want to embarrass them that we kind of mumble an answer.22 years later, I can actually answer-"yes, things are different, but recovered-no!"One recovers from surgery, an illness but the loss of a child?! Come on people, think before you talk. A simple, sincere "how are you"-and to stop long enough to listen for the answer -is usually enough.

Anonymous said...

What an insensitive thing to ask. You would think those in a medical situation would know better. People ask and say the cruelist things after the loss of a loved one. "Would you have wanted them to stay and suffer?"; "It is better this way."; "If they could tell you, they would say they are better off." Are you kidding me?? Life is never the same - never. It is forever altered. Yes, it goes on - but it goes on differently. I'm sorry you got "asked" if you are recovered. Wounds may heal - but there is always a scar.