I remember, that when Ricki was born, I investigated what the chances were of her ever getting married. I talked it over with friends, many of whom had a rather negative attitude. However, I always used to say "Well, I'm not ruling the possibility out…."
Today I am amazed at how presumptuous I was (and sometimes still am). I laugh at the idea that my sassy "little" 13 year old will actually listen to me at age 21 or 22 about this matter. I feel that my job is NOT to decide this for her, but to see that she gains the skills needed for whatever she chooses later in life.
However, this does not mean that I can't broach the subject. In fact I did just that a few days back. Ricki had made several comments about having kids, and I felt that some reality "enrichment" was called for. I would hate for her to suffer the trauma of having a child taken from her by social services, as the culmination to her dreams of having a child.
So I sat her down and explained that she will probably marry someone with a disability (if she can even find anyone suitable, and if she is able to live fairly independently). I also informed her that most men with Down syndrome do not become fathers.
At that point I stopped. How much can she take at one sitting?
-You will have to work hard to gain the skills needed for marriage.
-You may have a hard time finding someone suitable.
-You may not have kids.
How can I tell her that even if she does have a child, social services will take the child? Well, I guess I can wait a few years for that one.