Memorial Day in Israel

[This post was prompted by comments over at Shiloh Musings

 ]

   There has been a lot of debate in Israel lately about whether to keep "soldier's memorial day" back-to-back with Independence Day (preceding it) or not. Here are my thoughts on this:

1)      I do not think that we should combine, as some have suggested, Memorial Day with holocaust remembrance day. They are two entirely different things! [This is one reason I am appalled by how politicians try to cash in on holocaust remembrance day with plans for Israel today. Holocaust day should be reserved for mourning what we have lost.]

2)     If we remove soldier's remembrance memorial day to a whole week before Independence day, it will lose a lot of its significance and impact. The limitation that we cannot start independence celebrations till nightfall after the memorial day is a stark reminder that this independence came at a very heavy price.

3)      I dare say that for families who have lost a family member, they will carry it forward into the holiday in any case.

4)      What could be done is to make the last few hours of the memorial day more neutral. Ceremonies should be in the morning, and up to 2 or 3. Radio and TV should after those hours have programs which are not holiday, but with less emphasis on mourning. Shops should remain closed.

2 easy cute health hints for dieters with iphones

These things are really easy, and for the youngsters, they will laugh at me thinking that this is "news". But for the 60-year-olds like me, I just want to throw your way a few thoughts/ideas you may not have thought of...

1) accessible maps:
make a folder "health and maps" in your photos section. Move to there any screen captures of maps that you  use often when walking, route plans, and the like. Then you don't have to go through all the family pics when looking for the map

2)I always forget my target heart range, especially as there are various ways to computr it. So... :
1)Download a free heart rate  app (I use Azumio)
2)On awakening take resting pulse
3 ) go to:
   http://savvyhealthfitness.com/health-and-fitness-tools/heart-rate-zone-calculator
4) figure heart rate range
5) take screen shot
6) move photo to a "health, maps" folder of pics  (The ppint here is to make the picture easy to find and access)
NOW YOU HAVE An EASILY Accessible target heart rate chart 

 BTW, for those who say "download an app for target heart rate", I only saw 2 in app store. One has a much less accurate chart than the one on the "health and fitness" site; the second works with AVERAGE pulse. For someone with a slower-than-regular resting pulse rate (like me), the results would be way off

The Second Step

   The first step in losing weight is similar to the first step of Alcoholics Anonymous: The realization that I reached this point due to my choices, and the knowledge that I need to make some changes in my life.

   But the second step is OH so much harder!  And a lot of people never do this step, and (in my humble opinion) this is the main reason that they are not able to complete the job.

   Whoever overeats has a reason for doing so. We all want to be thin, beautiful, and healthy, so there must be a compelling reason that causes us to irrationally overeat. We are GAINING SOME BENEFIT FROM THE EXCESS FOOD. Possibilities:

-sugar gives me an energy boost when I didn't sleep enough last night…

-cake comforts my nerves when I am tense

-eating gives me something to do when bored

    These are just a few examples. The "second step" is to discover WHAT IS TRIGGERING your overeating, and find NON-FOOD ALTERNATIVES.

   Even though I am a good three years on this journey, and about 75 kilos (165 lbs) lighter, I still struggle at times with overeating. Because those "benefits" of overeating are still there, I still have to be on my toes to make sensible choices.  It is OH SO EASY to slip back to bad and unhealthy ways of dealing with tiredness and stress.

   However, on the positive side, it does become easier to make those right choices. I've learned, for example, that a good brisk walk will cure my tension even better than a cookie… and without the guilt, as well!

    And of course, making those right choices, and living healthy is a heck of a lot of fun……

Geocaching, Losing Weight, and Flexibility

   Today I went geocaching. For the first time in my life.
   A recent article on Spark People reminded me how my brother and son went geocaching together four years ago in Colorado. I was there, but hadn't joined them. Why not? Maybe because I was busy with something else. Maybe it was the sabbath (when I don't do this type of stuff...). Maybe because I had other plans. I really don't remember. But even if those had been a reason, the biggest reason would have been my weight.
   You see, when someone is very overweight, it is SSSOOO easy to get set in a grove of things that are comfortable, things you KNOW that you can do.... situations where you can be reasonably assured not to be laughed at, or spoken to in a condescending manner.
   Trying new things is scary....
-the amusement park?... I might not fit in the seat
-biking?... If I fall, can I get up? Is the bike strong enough?
-a new dance class?... maybe other people will roll their eyes, I'll be a failure at it...?

   One of the biggest gifts of my losing weight is the self assurance that I can try new things. And if I fail at something... well, everyone does, but since I am successful at MOST stuff, one small failure isn't the end

Geocaching; Losing Weight

   Today I did something fun—I went and found a geocache ! The fun was not the contents of the cache, but the challenge of finding it. And in addition, I discovered a few new small parks between a park I knew and a big park I had never WALKED to until today (but which I had gone to previously by bus), Park Wolfson. And then I turned around and walked home! (A total of  about 3 hours of walking, in addition to several errands beforehand.)

   The point here, though, is that I ENJOY walking. Climbing 50 steps to a park on a hill no longer, as it did once, make me gasp for breath. Once upon a time, even if I COULD do such a walk, I would have terrible leg pains afterwards. Today I put my legs up for 5 minutes after I got home, and felt fine.

   I doubt if people who have been very overweight for several years have a true idea of JUST how TREMENDOUS the changes in their life can be with weight loss. Let me share some of the changes I have experienced:

1)      My knees no longer hurt

2)      I can climb up the three flights of stairs to my house without stopping 2-3 times in the middle, and without feeling like I'm on the verge of a heart attack

3)      I can run to catch the "cross" light while green, before it turns to red.

4)      If I run out of onions, I pop over to the vegetable store, rather than waiting until someone comes home. And the 4 minute up and down the stairs and crossing the bit to the store in no big deal.

5)      I don't have to sew my own clothing, or go to a special store for super-big sizes. (Which charge super-big prices as well…)

6)      I can buy a bathing suit.

7)      I am no longer mortified by embarrassment when I go to the beach, pool, etc.

8)      I no longer cringe before every doctor's visit, knowing that I will be told that any problem I have will be blamed on me….

9)      I can dance and dance and dance at a wedding, and it is FUN…..

10)   Today I can use all sorts of standard things, which once were too small: seat belts, hospital gowns, bus seats, airline seats, etc etc

11)   Jewelry, watches, etc fit me.

12)   People see ME, not "My G-d, what a FAT lady!!"

13)   It is easy to pick stuff off the floor, clean under closets, climb unto chairs, climb ladders.

14)   If for some reason I am sitting on the floor, it does not take tremendous strategic maneuvers to rise.

15)   My legs (veins) no longer hurt. My cholesterol returned to normal, as did my blood pressure.

16)   I have more energy—MUCH more

In addition, I have gained the self confidence that I can accomplish my goals, even if I occasionally make a small slip. I no longer have to be "perfect" in everything, to compensate for my over-weight "deficiency".

Not a bad trade, huh, for those 75 kilos…….

   

The Big Wave

   It is currently one of the intermediate days of the Passover holiday. After a month (more or less) of cleaning, and a few days of holiday cooking, families are out enjoying the spring weather. So instead of curling up with a book (my typical chol haMoed treat) I went walking in park of the Yarkon and along the coast (only 2 1/2 hours, from Bnai Brak to Sheraton hotel). I've been looking forward to this walk the entire last month, when I haven't had the free time to do it. On reaching the Mediterranean I saw that it was very wavy, wetting the boardwalk in a few places. That was fun to watch....

   After reaching the ocean, I walked a bit (about a half hour) along the sea-side boardwalk. At one point however, it is usually very crowded (especially on "festive" days, like today. Not wanting to mess up my aerobic step count, I elected to walk the section of the sidewalk closer to the ocean - yes I could see that it was wet, but so what if I happen to catch a big wave? So my feet will get a bit wet??? Well I caught a big wave alright- and got DRENCHED head to foot.! [So drenched that I was still wet when I arrived home an hour later. (I returned by way of public transportation.)]  I also managed to do a bit of "mini exploring" in the public garden next to the Sheraton hotel, finding a lovely view of the ocean. 

[image: view of Mediterranean Ocean]

[image: view of Tel Aviv beachfront and Marina, with Jaffa in the distance.]

From there one can also see Jaffa in the distance:

Pre-Passover Update

   Yes, I know I have gone AWOL, not blogging for nearly 2 weeks (and not reading blogs of others, either, for those who are used to my "inciteful" comments…).  I am deep in the preparations for the upcoming Passover holiday, and if I have any spare time, I'd rather get out to do some walking. So how am I doing with my resolutions from two weeks ago? (previous post)?

1)      I did NOT buy eating chocolate at the supermarket, and not having the luscious swiss chocolate around helps a LOT.

2)      In previous years I usually obtained only 4 hours of sleep a night before Passover. This year I am getting 6 hours most nights (and sometimes even more), and never less than 5. Not ideal, but at least an improvement!

3)        Most days I am getting my exercise in. Sometimes, like yesterday, it takes a bit of planning. Yesterday I had errands to run:

-        To the fish store (2 minutes away)

-        To Ricki's old school to give them some study materials I had purchased for her) (10 minutes away, 8 from the fish store)

-        To buy some nuts (12 minutes away, 10 from the fish store)

-        To the health fund building to give them a paper (because their fax hasn't been working for 5 days already!) (17 minutes from home in a different direction)

-        To pay a small debt for my husband (10 minutes away in a third direction).

-        To buy morning groceries at the small grocery next door.

NORMALLY I would go to the fish store, the school, the nut store, then a long walk to the health fund, and then way over to pay the debt. And finally, I would stop at the grocery. HOWEVER, that plan would make my initial stretch have no ten-minute aerobic intervals. So instead I rearranged everything. I went to the fish store, then a ten minute jaunt to the nut store, and trailed back the smidgen to the school. Then I went to the health fund, returned to the grocery (having them deliver my stuff), and finally over to pay the debt. This way I got in over an hour's worth of aerobic exercise in without costing me any time! (GRIN)

[image: hand Matzo]

This morning I sat down to figure how many calories "layil Seder" (Seder night, the meal of Matzah and wine eaten on the first night of Passover) will "cost" me:

Hand Matzah  - 5 gezaisim (portions)–equal to about 6  machine matzahs (6 X120)= 720

4  kosot ("4 cups", half wine half grape juice , 150 cc each(

           Grape j. 300cc X 105 per 100 cc= 315

           Semi dry wine 3 X 125 per 100 cc wine= 375                                           690

1/2  hard-boiled egg (no way I will eat a whole one)                                               40

Fish , smallish portion                                                                                            150

lettuce, chrain ( horseradish with beets), BIT mayonnaise

 (1t. dabbed on fish)and a pickle                                                                           100                                                                                                                                              

Chicken                                                                                                                200

Vegies                                                                                                                    50

NO desert ("afikomen" matzah, included above in matzah is "desert")

TOTAL:                                                                                                            1250

   And I will NOT feel guilty if I go over my calorie range for the day. ("IF?!?!" Is there a question?) I will enjoy the holiday. (But seeing this will remind me to try and keep the calorie count down earlier that day!)

   And for all of you who ARE "making Pesach" (preparing for Passover) (as if any of those have time to read this…), ENJOY!!

Redemption

     The bathroom scales show a significant loss this week. But before you start applauding, keep in mind that the majority of that loss is the quick shedding of the extra weight I packed on over the Purim holiday (see previous post) nashing (snacking) on cake and other types of extraneous and unneeded stuff. The good news is that I am at the lowest that I have been for the last several months. (About four months ago I managed to reach about a half kilo less than today.)

    However, I am wary to celebrate, as Pesach (Passover) is on the horizon, as well as the hectic weeks leading up to the holiday. Now I LOVE Passover, and don't even mind the house-cleaning which precedes it.  But if Purim has traditionally been a downfall for me (see previous post), Pesach, and the weeks leading up to it have even more so.

   For any of you who do not know, the pre-Passover period, for the Jewish housewife is a marathon. Passover cleaning CAN be done easily, but most of us take the chance to spring clean while getting rid of all the leaven we own. And that getting rid of the leaven makes it much more than spring cleaning.  After cleaning our house, we need to store away our regular dishes, cover all counter tops, and get out the Passover dishes. And while doing this, we need to feed our families without the benefit of kitchen facilities. (For example, imagine making a salad where to rinse each vegetable you need to run to the other side of the house to a water source.) And if you are overworked and tired, the temptation to reach into a cupboard for some luscious Passover chocolate (read "easy instant energy fix") can be pretty great. Then, you start cooking holiday meals, hopefully festive ones, which generally are NOT that low in calories. So it is no surprise that each year I gain over Passover, and I am skeptical of my ability to withstand the temptations that are impending.

   And, as I indicated in the previous post, wishful thinking about "doing better this year" is just not enough. If I want to emerge on the other side of March without a gain, I need to take some concrete action. Here's my plan:

1)      I will buy the chocolate for cooking (and the grandkids) ONLY after the kitchen is ready for Passover and fully functional. When I am able to cook up a pot of vegetable soup, the lure of the sweet "fix" should be more manageable. Yes, it will cost more in the local grocery than the supermarket, but that's OK. (And if my husband insists on having the tan temptation, he will have to buy and hide for himself.)

2)      Plan menus which are easier and less time consuming for the holiday. There is no need to cook gourmet that leftovers are "a pity" to dispose of. There are lots of pretty, healthy, and easy menus out there.

3)      Work on getting at least 6 hours of sleep a night. Even if that means less spring cleaning and less time online.

4)      Try to maintain a minimum of "walking" (exercise) time (even if only half an hour). I know that walking not only keeps my metabolism going, but it decreases my appetite, and busts away stress.

  And then, for the holiday of redemption, I hope to celebrate redemption from my former bad eating habits.

Changing My Role

    Yesterday the Non-Jewish world was preoccupied with the Oscars. To the Jewish world, it was Purim, a day of feasting and sending gifts of food to friends and neighbors.

   Like every other holiday in the world, people have taken Purim and cellophane wrapped it, commercializing it way beyond where we should have allowed. Certain aspects (sending food gifts and allowing moderate drinking) have been emphasized, while others, like giving gifts to the poor, take a poor second place in our attention. And two groups of people tend to view Purim with a bit of fear: those hoping to not gain weight, and families of alcoholics.

      There is a religious obligation to imbibe wine on Purim (except, as many Rabbis have ruled, there are physical or mental health problems involved, which would include nearly every alcoholic). Not surprisingly, any alcoholic person who is not serious about changing his ways will use Purim as an excuse to drink to excess. And this can often deal a very "unfair" tone and pall to that which is a favorite holiday to the rest of the community.

     The other group that uses Purim as an excuse to indulge an addiction is the "food addict".  Just as the alcoholic faces wine on the table, the overeater faces plates of home-baked pastries and chocolates. Ideally, we should be sending (as I do) salads and fish, and receiving the same (I wish!).

      I tried to not over-indulge in the cakes on Purim, and I failed. Not totally, but enough that I am still wondering what type of craziness entered my brain. But at least that failure was partial, and as long as I return to my eating plan immediately, has (and had) no negative impact on my family. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about the alcoholic, and a guest at our Purim meal managed to effectively wreck the whole celebration as we tried to limit their drinking, shouting, and vulgar talk. And my emotional reaction to this situation was undoubtedly a big part of "the craziness that entered my brain". (Which may explain it, but not excuse it.)

  All of this highlights for me the inevitable connection between addictive overeating and emotions. Which means that simply resolving to "be careful", "do it smart this year", etc., just isn't going to do the trick. This means that if a "Purim Binge" on petit-fours is not to be a yearly disaster, I need to make a better action plan than simple resolutions.

    I definitely need to change my role, and if I do, the Oscars will have nothing on me!

Sleep

I need to work on getting enough sleep. Up until now I have realized intellectually that I need more sleep, that it is not heart- healthy, and is a major trigger to overeating. However I have been  loathe to give up the activities that are keeping me up late at night.

   So today I read on Spark people a few articles on sleep, and here are a few additional gems:

1)      In fact, if you’re sleep-deprived you’re likely to have higher concentrations of sugar in your blood, which could contribute to development of a pre-diabetic condition.

2)      Sleep is instrumental to good health and even weight loss. A disruption in your hormones and your different metabolic processes has all kinds of adverse effects. Your fat cells respond to the food you eat differently, based on your hormones. Sleep loss affects the level of certain hormones, putting your body in a position to gain weight.

3)      Sleep is also important in developing lean muscle tissue. When you work out, you are actually tearing your muscle – sleep and proper nutrients help re-build the muscle.  [ie, lack of sleep may be why I am not seeing so much difference in my muscles, even though I am doing toning exercises]

OK- so I DO need more shut-eye…..now I need to try and think of a plan to do it, to deal with the activities that are keeping me up….

"The Best" vs. "My Best"

   Today I only did 55 minutes for LCW ("Last Chance Workout" for a Biggest Loser Competition group on SPARK site). Normally I do much more, often 2 hours or more. And believe me, the will to do my normal output was there. I love walking, and the idea of a nice aerobic hike in the Yarkon park today, a lovely sunny day, was very enticing.

   However, there were other considerations at play. Passover is nearing, and I have a long list of things I hope to get done this week. Chief among them is going through Ricki's old study materials, and deciding what to give to friends, what to family, etc. And while the job needs to get done, it is much less alluring than a brisk walk. So the thought "I'll walk and THEN get to work" dogged me. Because, you must understand, my online group was counting on me. And I would LOVE to earn the accolade of logging in maximum points…….

   Often we feel a pull between what we need to do, and something conflicting, which we prefer doing. At these times we need to examine what are we really choosing. And not only which actions, but the ramifications of that choice. Here the choice was this:

1)      Either go walking, getting good vibes from fellow on-line team members ("The Best"). The ramifications of this choice is that I will not get the cleaning done, or all of it, leading to more pressure and probably less sleep in a week or two.

2)      or clean, and be "MY best". The ramification is not doing my best for the on-line group.

   Once I not only looked at the actions, but at the ramifications of the choice, it was easy for me to choose.

   So, dear online group members, I only did 55 minutes of walking today. But I'm not going to say "I'm sorry", because I'm not. I'll just say "I wish I could have done both".

Keeping Kosher Away from Home

   I've travelled abroad several times in recent years, and keeping kosher away from home can be a challenge, more in some places than others. The Blog Me-Ander touches on the need for "real food", when one is traveling, and she is right! I remember seeing an apple in an airport eatery once, and grabbing the chance to purchase some REAL food!

Here are my ideas:

Before traveling, look up online for as much information as you can, and email kosher stores to try and determine if they still exist, and the products they carry. Determine which chesherim (kosher certifications) are commonly used in that area, and choose those which you are willing to use. In addition, the phone number of a local Rabbi if there is one (or from the nearest large city) is invaluable.

   In addition, check the customs laws for the country you are traveling to, and in they allow you to bring in salami, breads, etc. I have generally found getting kosher bread and meat (and chalav Yisroel for those who are stringent) more problematic than other products. But, for example, in Brazil the "kosher store" carried mostly tuna, meat, and sweets.

   However, there are MANY things you can do or buy to make keeping kosher easier:

A.     Pack in your CHECKED baggage a cutting board and a small knife. With these you can easily make salads and prepare fresh fruit. If taking a salami, take along an extra set of boards/knives for that. This last trip I took very thin plastic cutting boards which were basically weightless.

B.     Be sure to carry some REAL non-liquid food into your carry-on luggage, especially since sometimes ordered "kosher meals" don't arrive to a flight. (Or in one flight, they served a "milky" meal 4 hours after a meaty one.) Even if the kosher meal arrives, it is usually rather unhealthy fare… Good food for carry ones are:

-        "Mana hamah"

-        fresh sandwiches (yellow cheese keeps well)

-        pitot with a small (under 100 ml)(unopened) can of tuna

-        a fruit or two.  Cucumbers and carrot sticks are good too. (The fruit and vegetables you will want to finish before your arrival.)

-        Good high-energy foods are raisins and nuts

C.     Good foods for after your arrival:

1)      -Packages of tortillas (stay fresh until opened, make a great wrap for tuna fish and salads), and for soya products

2)      a WHOLE salami, unopened, the kind that does not need refrigeration until being    opened (It might be problematic bringing into the US. In Brazil, no problem….)

3)      packaged rice that can be cooked in an oven (double wrapping it in foil) or (if your Rav allows, in plastic in a microwave).

4)      vacum-packed "swarmah" soya (needs no refrigeration until opened)

Eulogy for Moni (my MIL)

Moni was regal.

     I know that when I say this, no one who knows Monil be surprised… we all know that Moni had class.  She had the tremendous ability to impart unto others her ideas and visions, without losing sight of who she was speaking to. She spoke to you with such a tone as to let you understand that she understood you, but expected certain things as well.

   In addition, Moni was generous and loving. Maybe that's why she was so compelling… we knew that her requests were always based not only on her clear sense of justice, but her love as well.

   Moni, today you leave this complicated world, going to a place much clearer and simpler. May you go in peace, finally joining your husband. You leave us, missed by so many, cherished by so many children and grandchildren (and great grandchildren). And those who had the privilege of knowing you will never forget that powerhouse called "Moni".

   I am so grateful that Sammy and I managed to come to see you; I feel that you deserved no less. I wish I could give you a final chug, to whisper in your ear how much I admire you. And may we all learn from Moni to act with determination, with class, with love.

 

The Switch

From "Psychology Today":

"However, most addictive behavior is not related to either physical tolerance or exposure to cues. People compulsively use drugs, or gamble or shop, nearly always in reaction to being emotionally stressed, whether or not they have a physical addiction. Since these psychologically based addictions are not based on drug or brain effects, they can account for why people frequently switch addictive actions from one drug to a completely different kind of drug, or even to a non-drug behavior." 

    I am not surprised at this. For me, aerobic walking has taken on many of the benefits I used to gain from overeating: it is energizing, relieves stress, gives the body a "feel-good" state. And on which days do I find overeating hardest to control? on the days I don't exercise. So it seems that I have switched exercise for overeatimg. But since it ISN'T ruining my life, I'm OK with that..

A "visit" to Ricki

Last Thursday was (in the Hebrew calendar  a full half year since Ricki's death. ( That fact alone is hard for me to believe. It seems just yesterday she was here. Maybe that's because she is in my thoughts a lot...) Anyway, I had planned to mark the day by visiting her grave site  But I just simply didn't manage . I had been up late Wednesday night finishing up a dress for a family occasion, so I got a late start on Thursday. Add to that expected guests coming for the weekend.... So I realized that if I wanted to arrive in a halfway normal state to the family celebration, the living would need to take precedence over the dead, and the visit to the cemetery would have to wait. 

So Sunday I went to visit Ricki's grave. And that means that I probably will accomplish less of certain on-line commitments than I had hoped to do. But that is OK with me; my real life must take precedence over my virtual friends. And as much as I would like to be perfect and "do it all", the question of "at what price?" begs asking. 
Can we accept ourselves as imperfect creatures? Can we celebrate our successes without getting dragged down by our failures? Can we internalize the need to accept ourselves as a "journey in progress"? 
Very often we feel that if we can't do something 100%, we should not attempt it at all. This outlook is nearly always not called for: 
-If you can't get 8 hors of sleep at night, so aim for 6 rather than giving up and settling for 5 or less... 
-If you break your diet, no excuse to gave a super-binge... Limit the damage.....

In loving memory of "ricki"  [Photo: picture of mosaic I did at her grave, for a lovely teen who flew away so fast.]

Smilies and Smiles

   I had a slightly rough night last night. On thursday I slid on sand, taking a spill, and hit my left chest. So now my muscles on that side are sore. Turning in my sleep took me a couple of minutes each time.
   This morning I barely woke up in time to see my youngest (living) son off to the army for a two week stint. He had already left a note, wishing me a good day:
(picture: Note in Hebrew with a smilie and "good morning!")

  So we smoozed for a few minutes, and I garnered a few real smiles as well.
  Such a simple thing... but it made my day. Turned my mood around.
   So be generous today and beam some smiles to those around you. You may, so easily, improve their day.....

Rio!

Photo: Rio de Janeiro

    One of the reasons I have been writing so little as of late is because I wasn't home, and had no appreciable amount of internet connection. This is because I recently spent a week with my husband and two of my sons, visiting Rio de Janeiro (in Brazil). The views were gorgeous. But of how often did I think during the trip : "Gosh, I wish Ricki was here to see this with us." And it turned out that three of the four of us had experienced the same thought.

I Accuse!

   Today, January 23^rd, is a day that is being promoted as a day " to commemorate the lives lived by people with disabilities who were locked away, who ARE locked away from full participation in society. It was also established to remember those, our elders, who have worked tirelessly for inclusion and access, for the word 'all' to actually mean 'all'" (Dave Hingsburger).   Here are my thoughts……

PRELUDE

   Ricki was lucky in many respects. She lived in an era past those of the big institution, the likes of which I once saw (shortly before their closing) in the early 1970's.  But Ricki (and through her, I) were witness to part of the continuing struggle to let society realize that people with intellectual disabilities are PEOPLE, and can be valued and productive ones as well.

   How numerous were the times that people addressed me rather than Ricki in asking questions that could have been directed to her……

   How often did I witness people underestimating her due to the obvious fact that she had Down syndrome……

    How often did people assume that I was a "saint" because I had Ricki? (I won't say she was always an easy teenager, but few teens are.) Sometimes when people stop me and try to console me by saying that "You did everything you could", do they realize that guilt is NOT my problem, but that I simply MISS her?!?

   And one of the things I have felt most since Ricki's death is that I want her to be REMEMBERED, not just to be an entity that disappeared.

   We accomplished what we did in the battle for Ricki's inclusion due to the work of many advocates before us. Today I salute them. And I try to comprehend that there is a huge population, of institutionalized adults, that no one remembers.

  And I remember with sadness the terrible stain on mankind who agreed for era after era to shut away those who were different, less abled, and sometimes less productive.

   The terrific prejudice and assumptions that follow those with disabilities still exists today. And to a large extent, isolation from the larger community is still very prevalent. And this is something we need to keep working at……

I Accuse

   One of the battles we are still fighting for today is that of equality in medical services. Battles for the right to heart transplants, and other services for the intellectually disabled is not yet over. And this battle extends not only to those areas where there is a choice between "this" recipient, or "that" one, but even a general consideration that the lives of those with intellectual disabilities is one worth living.

   Ricki was taking a psychiatric drug (Resperdal) for the last two years of her life. She needed the drug, without question, but it is a drug known to cause weight gain. Ricki had always been on the "full" side, but she was active, and we were working on curbing her eating. But with the Resperdal her weight ballooned. We asked the doctor is there was no other medicine appropriate for her, and she said "No. There IS a drug that acts in the same way, and doesn't cause weight gain, but the health fund almost never prescribes it, and it costs $200 a month." We asked her to apply for an exception for Ricki, but she refused. "They NEVER agree to cover the cost for those with intellectual disabilities; they assume that anyway they will be fat. It's a waste of time to apply."

  So we went a different route: putting up the gate to block off the kitchen, checking that the school only gave her one portion at lunch, etc. If we had known that her weight would have lethal effects so quickly, we would have paid the monthly $200. I thought we had time. We would have fought the health fund without the doctor's help. But in my mind, the prejudice of the health fund helped kill my daughter.

A Whole lot of Mistakes

   The first mistake was that of the drug company to run out of medicinal cream that my husband needed. I went to a few local pharmacies, but none had the ointment he needs this week...and all blamed the drug company. (He needed 2 ointments, and none had the first med; one pharmacist did have the second, but I didn't buy it, as I needed the prescription for the first, more important salve.)

   So I called the health fund for help, and they located a tube of the first ointment in the health fund pharmacy about 20 minutes walk away. So I told the pharmacy  to save it for me, I would be coming. I could have taken the bus, but not yet having gotten my 10,000 daily steps in for the day, I elected to walk.

   Here I need to explain that I don't like wearing my boots. I have rather large feet, and the only boots I have found in my size have relatively smooth soles, and are not conducive to quick (ie, aerobic) walking. So I only wear them when I REALLY need to.   Now this morning I had been out, and the weather had been fairly dry for what had been forcasted as a very  "rainy day". So since it wasn't raining when I left the house, I wore regular shoes.  That was MY mistake.

 To make a long story short, I was caught in a deluge. Heavy rains and gusty winds drenched me. In addition, road construction forced me to walk through ankle-high rivulets. And then from the pharmacy I had to take a bus to past my house, to return to the first pharmacy in order to obtain the SECOND ointment. (For some reason, the health fund pharmacy didn't have it, only the first….). From there I had to walk home, again in the pouring rain.

   Now I am NOT complaining about the rain. We need every drop.But I hope I learned my lesson to wear my boots more often. And of course, on arriving home I plucked a pair of warm socks from my drawer, and put them on the radiator. Then I went to change my sodden skirt, and topped that off with wearing the warmed-up socks.

   I'm glad that at least I got the last bit of my aerobic walking in for the day. Maybe tomorrow I'll try canoeing……

Remembering

   Dave Hingsburger at his blog Rolling Around in My Mind, has advocated making January 23^rd a day " to commemorate the lives lived by people with disabilities who were locked away, who ARE locked away from full participation in society. It was also established to remember those, our elders, who have worked tirelessly for inclusion and access, for the word 'all' to actually mean 'all'."

   His story as to why he chose this date, posted last year, is also telling:

 "I have always, for example, marked January 23rd in my calendar as a day to remember. Let me tell you why. Sandra Jensen was a woman with Down syndrome who was denied a heart transplant because of her disability. It seems that people thought that a perfectly good heart should go to a perfectly good person - and though Sandra lived a life of quality and contribution, she was not considered. In fact, a transplant had never been given to someone with an intellectual disability. They didn't know who they were dealing with.

  Sandra was an advocate and she began. She fought against prejudice. She fought against stereotype. She fought against hatred. Her message was one of hope and power. She wanted her life to be valued. She wanted everyone to know that she loved living and the she rejected any notion of 'better off dead'. She stood for all people with disabilities. She stood for all to be valued. She fought and she fought hard. And she won. On January 23rd, 1996, she got her heart."

   I am planning on writing a special post for that day. And please spread the word. Because the battle for full acceptance of those with disabilities is far from over.