The bus seat partner

Today Ricki and I were returning from her swimming lesson, by way of bus. She wanted to seat separate from me. She likes the independence, so sometimes I agree to sit elsewhere. At first it seemed that she just wanted the extra empty seat for her bag. But as the bus started filling up a bit, she moved the bag to allow others to sit. She saw a twwn get on, and asked her “Want to sit with me?”
Well, the teen was amazing. Even though she was with a friend, she caught on that Ricki wanted company, and told her friend “I’m sitting here.” She talked very nicely to Ricki. Five bus stops later we alighted; the teen waved, and went to join her friend.
The nicest thing is that she did it all very naturally, and not in a “Pity party” way.

Good for Her!
(And good for Ricki to show a bit of initiative!)

Computer Glitch

Today I spent much of the day trying to deal with a computer glitch. In order to fix something, I had deleted my printer, and when trying to reinstall it, the program decided that my main disk had no empty space (not true at all!). Eventually I got everything working, but felt quite frustrated at the waste of time.
I suspect my husband felt that it was an “avoidance of work” on my part, since my kitchen is still in a state of post-Pesach havoc. (I had put the special Passover dishes away, but had only arranged to arrange about two thirds of the regular dishes. The rest were strewn around VERY haphazardly.)
Yet the reality is that Ricki’s return to school means my return to adapting materials….which is impossible without a good graphics program/ scanner/ printer/computer.

And you can add “time” to that list, which means that tonight I will not be tackling those dishes, either. Geography of France is awaiting my “touch”.

A Thoughtful Gesture

Tomorrow Ricki resumes school after a two-week “holiday” break. The pause in studies has left her a bit hesitant, a touch disconnected with the reality that tomorrow morning it is “get up and go” as usual.
So it was with great pleasure that I witnessed a tiny act of thoughtfulness and wisdom:
Ricki’s teacher (regular classroom) called her up this evening, to ask how her vacation had gone, and to mention that classes resume tomorrow morning.
Ricki bragged of course about how much she had helped (today she actually did). It all was a good way of “priming the pump” for tomorrow.

Well, I DID enjoy this! (See previous post.) Thank G-d, the family pitched in and helped. (Two teenage sons peeled one day no less than 60 potatoes… there being little else appropriate in the way of starch for Passover.) All of our married children came at one point or the other during the seven day holiday, and I had time to read four books!

I hope to recommence posting regularly now that Passover is behind us.

Vegetables

Today I bought vegetables for Pesach. Now, since we don’t eat any bread, rice, or legumes on Passover, I needed to buy a not-inconsiderable amount of vegetables, because what else will there be to eat?

Later, as I was putting the produce away in the fridge (some of it…), I paused.
“You realize that you are going to peel all of this in the ten days ahead? OK, so the family will help. MOST of it….

Yes, I will.
So WHAT?
It is my privilege, opportunity, and pleasure to host my married sons and their families for parts of the holidays, so I am going to ENJOY this!

The Rushed Countdown

Well, it is already less than a week before Pesach (Passover), and cleaning is moving ahead full steam. I am actually not doing too badly (schedule-wise). This is possibly due to the fact that my printer is broken, so I am not tempted to make worksheets, books, or the like for Ricki. (I am not going to make them if I can’t print them!)
The most frustrating thing are the teens who somehow expect good solid meals even though I am presently kitchen-less. (The kitchen is between regular and Pesach state.) It seems to me that sandwiches are fine!
We were at the seamstress again, and she was nice and understood Ricki’s need for privacy! Also, I went shopping a bit with Ricki, and for once she was well-behaved. Progress!

The Salad Maker

My daughter Ricki has the attribute that many of us do: she knows what she SHOULD eat, but doesn’t apply it so well. For most of us, this means trying to eat healthy, yet occasionally (or more often) eating something we know is not a good health choice. Then more often then naught, we will feel guilty, and try again.
Ricki has a unique approach. She will announce that she is going to eat “healthy”. She then prepares a salad, and some other food. Then she will eat the other food, and and decide that she is “too tired” to eat the salad.
What is exasperating about this is that the vegetables, after she has made the salad are often unusable and unappetizing for others to use. Sometimes she adds too much oil. On occasion she concocts salads with extra, strange ingredients. And if one tries to stop her (“You know you will not eat the salad in the end…”), she swears in all seriousness that THIS time she will.
She WANTS to eat right, but somehow it just doesn’t go.

The Fitting

I went with Ricky for a fitting of a new dress I am having sewn for her. It was our second visit to this seamstress. At the first, when we were ordering the dress, Ricki was not on good behavior. The lady tried to cajole her to stand straight, but I could see that she was not willing to use a firm tone with Ricki, and instead offered her sweets. I was non too pleased, but decided that considering Ricki’s behavior, and her not knowing her, it could pass. Today Ricki also was not 100%, but was a bit better. The lady brought the basted dress for Ricky to try on. The problem was, that her son (age 6? 7?) was in the room. Finally I asked, “You want her to try the dress on over her clothing?!?”
“No. of course not.”
“Then your son has to leave the room.” (DUH. I thought it was obvious!)

In our society, where women are very modest, a thirteen year old would never try on a dress in front of a boy. The only reason I can think of for her to expect Ricky to go ahead and try on the dress was because she views her as a young child due to her “specialness”. Well, I certainly wasn’t going to go for that!

The Smart and the Didn’t Think

The Smart
I took Ricki to the hairdresser today to get her hair cut (her sister doesn’t have time lately). She was last at a hairdresser before her brother’s wedding several years ago. Even though I assumed that she had forgotten, she hadn’t. She knew just what to do, and asked me about what wedding we would be attending!

The Didn’t Think
Ricki ruined an album full of photos today, because she took it in a plastic bag to her exercise class- - - - along with a popsicle.

Are We Thankful for What We Have?

In Orthodox Jewish communities, everyone is busy with cleaning for Passover. It involves a lot of work, and often late nights. Women tend to demonize it a bit.
But let’s think back and look. Are any of your family members in the hospital? Do you have money to buy matzahs? Are you free of worry over a possible blood-libel, as Jews used to worry about at this time of year?
If these, and most of the other areas of our lives are intact, I think we need to count our blessings and stop complaining about the work.

The Recipe Book

Some women get shoes or dresses for Yom Tov (holidays); I buy books. So I went late last week to buy books to treat myself with during Pesach (Passover), which will arrive in two more weeks. In addition, I bought a Passover cookbook. [Anyone who knows me and books will ask “Why so early? Won’t you dive into them before the holiday?” The answer is that from now to Passover I will be too busy to go shopping. I manage to stay away from the books by putting them up in the boxes with my Pesach dishes where they are rather inaccessible.] The cookbook I allowed myself to peek into, because I would need to buy the needed ingredients if I planned to use the recipes.
Now a note on me and cooking... I don’t mind on occasion spending time and energy to cook something nice, especially if it is for holidays, and if guests are expected. Other then that, I usually go for simpler foods, simply because of time limitations. Also, even on holidays I will only fiddle around with a few things, because if I am cooking for a large crowd, I have limited time and energy. (Especially since I will want to dive into a new book as soon as possible….) This is surely true on Passover, when nearly everything has to be made from scratch, since few foods are produced for Passover with an excellent kashruth (kosher) supervision. You shouldn’t think my family starves on Pesach. My standard repertoire of Passover dishes, besides soup, fish, and meat, include various salads, eggplant spread, mayonnaise, and apple jelly.
So even though I have one very good down-to-earth Pesach cookbook, I purchased another one, to give me some new ideas and variety, including even a few fancier things for Yom Tov (the more important days of the holiday).
Well, I must say I was a bit disappointed in the end. Almost everything in the new cookbook was fancy (few normal recipes), but worst of all, several calling for ingredients I would not use nor obtain for Passover. (Many called for margarine or butter. I have never even HEARD of Passover margarine. Butter I can get, but it makes the food “milky”, which is not suitable to use along with meat meals, which are customary on Yom Tov.) Add to that the fact that 95% of the meat recipes all called for an oven, and I don’t have a kosher for Pesach meat oven. I am hoping tomorrow to take a second, closer look at the book, but I think I will need to stay with my standard fare and down-to-earth cookbook, which I do certainly enjoy.
But then, if I get one or two really good ideas, and suitably impress my daughters-in-law, maybe it will be worth it? (But then what will I do with the awful pride that will result…?)

A Mom’s Worry

A young woman came to borrow a pregnancy book from me today. I was a bit surprised, as she is really only finishing her first month, and most women are a bit shy to share the news with non-family members so early. She was definitely nervous. She looked at Ricki, though, and didn’t get a “fright”. (Some pregnant women do….) This lady was concerned about eating right, not overdoing things, etc. I gave her a few pointers, like stay away from “natural” drugs as much as she would regular ones. Then I told her “I can see you are nervous. Know that worrying about your kids is part of the package. We all worry, we let our kids take normal risks (like class trips), and we learn to live with it.”
I remember the first time my oldest step-daughter sent HER oldest on a school trip. She called me up and said "now I understand...."

The Cold

All winter, it seems, I have been taking antihistamines, but this morning and yesterday I felt I didn’t need. Then, with a bang, I got the worse cold of the winter. I am beginning to suspect that I may have inherited my Dad’s hay fever… (DRAT!)
Isn’t it amazing that I have taken a three-day break in Pesach cleaning, and felt great, but now that I was all set for a full morning’s worth of cleaning tomorrow, I feel rotten as can be?

I am beginning to suspect that I am coming down with Pesach-itus…

(Actually, it probably has much more to do with the late hour I went to sleep last night…..)

Free Will

Ricky’s “point chart” worked very well the first week; less so the second. Now we are starting the third week, so I sat her down and re-explained the points, showed her the jewelry, and started anew. She was pretty good, but certainly not 100%. But that doesn’t upset me, because, after all, she IS a teen. I can’t expect her to be a robot that listens all the time.
Yet, when she flat-out refused to do homework, I drew the line, and decided that withdrawal of a prize was not enough, and initiated “consequences”. When she finally got her to agree to do homework, I started with something specially fun. All in all it was a pretty good day.

That Extra Chromosome!

Tonight I made a phone call to ask about the wellbeing of a hospitalized child, with Down syndrome, of an aquaitance. Ricki overheard a bit, and asked who I had called. I explained. In addition, I told her how people who have Down syndrome often have, in addition to “a more difficult time learning things”, various health problems, because of “that extra chromosome”. (This is the second time I have mentioned chromosomes to her, but I am sure she hasn’t understood them yet.) I mentioned her own heart operation, although assuring her that now she is healthy.
But in the end, I had to tell her that this friend of mine is hoping for a miracle. Her child is very ill, and may very well not “make it”. I told her the blunt news that she is lucky, because not all kids with Down syndrome survive, even though she, thankfully, did.
In the end I tied the discussion up with the idea that things in life are not always what we want. Good people also suffer at times.
What exactly Ricki gets of all this I don’t know. But these are topics she will need to deal with in her life, and I have to initiate her towards a consideration of the topic.

Pesach Cleaning is Fun!

Yes, Pesach cleaning (spring cleaning) can be fun! Here are some hints how:
1. Put on a nice disc/tape when you work. I enjoy snazzy music; the beat energizes me!
2. Drop the expectation of non-helpers helping. You can try and corral them in… but try and drop the anger if they don’t.
3. Appreciate the oder and cleanliness as you expose it. It is FUN to see a drawer that you haven’t cleaned for a few years, free of dust. Take a picture is necessary.
4. If you are tired, yet have no time for a nap, sit down and do deep relaxation for 10-15 minutes. That should perk you up as well as a two hour nap.

Now there are other things you can do as well, but since I don’t practice them (like going to sleep on time…), I won’t preach them! Good night!

Kings, and the Sdei Chemed: A Study in Contrasts

Let me tell you a story about the Sdei Chemed, Rabbi Chaim Hezekiah Medini. This Rabbi, who later in life was the chief Rabbi in Hebron, was accused of adultery with an Arab cleaning lady in his youth. The charge was false, having been prompted by someone jealous of the young scholar. Eventually the woman came and confessed her lie, but the sdei chemed did not jump at the chance to clear his name. He was worried that his fellow student, the one who had paid the lady to lie, would be shamed in public.
Compare this to the mighty of England. Anyone familiar with history understands that “affairs” abounded at court. Even in our own day, not only was Dianna unfaithful, her husband, the heir apparent to the throne, admitted to adultery.
My only question is: How can a nation admire and idolize such people?

Purim and the Day Before

Purim was a very nice day. Ricki behaved very well, and some of the family was here as well.
The morning before was a different matter. I took Ricki with me to the grocery store, and her behavior was appalling. She kept trying to take “goodies”. In the end I decided that it was time to teach her a lesson, and I left the store mid-purchase with her. (Later I returned without her to finish the shopping.) The store owner tells me that when Ricki comes alone to the store she is fine (when I send her with a list), and that she only tries to grab things when I am with her (and she thinks she can get away with it). (The problem being that I feel that I must pay for any item that she opens, and she will likely consume half before I can stop her.) Now that we left the store this once, I plan to not take her the next few times (informing her of course), and then using some point system for the next time we go.

I was going to post something different tonight, but fter replying to a post from two days ago, I don't have the time to do more. So go to "comments" on "I wouldn't change her if I could" for today's "post".

Joy at Celebrations

The other day I was at a friend’s family celebration. One of her guests kept mentioning to the hostess different negative news facts. There is no lack of bad news. And we are certainly sorry about terrorist attacks and tragedies. However, I feel that to keep mentioning a recent tragedy did nothing to enhance my friend’s enjoyment of her celebration.
Let me give a few other examples.
1) The widow who told me after marrying off a child that she was exhausted after the wedding. At the wedding EVERYONE felt the need to “console” her. She was exhausted trying to find the balance between “happy” and “sad”, not wanting to risk being “inappropriate”.
2) Hard is the lot of a young adult who lets their sibling wed before they are engaged. Not only do they have to deal with their own possibly mixed emotions, but they know with a surety that on the wedding night 99% of the guests will approach them , including those who do not know them personally, to tell them “soon by you”.

When I celebrated my wedding (years and years ago), two tragedies could have been mentioned to me on that day. There had been a terrorist bomb explosion in the market of Jerusalem, and the child of a good friend had died. These friends had returned to Israel to finish the week of mourning.
I am grateful that no one felt the need to cause me sadness on my wedding night by informing of me of these facts immediately. I was given the names of the injured (from the bombing) to pray for, as is often done. But I was given the names without the extra information that these “sick” people were from a bomb incident. Then the next morning I was informed about my friend’s loss, with the added information that their week of mourning was almost over, so I should hurry if I wanted to visit them.
In short, as we are told in Koheles (Ecclesiastes):
A time to weep and a time to laugh
A time to wail and a time to dance
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

Happy Purim everyone!
(This will probaly be my last blog this week, due to the Purim holiday.)