The Unwanted Script

   Today (ie, Sunday) was a slightly hectic day. I was raring to start my pre-Pesach (Passover) work, having finally last week decided what work to do each week until the holiday arrives (in a bit under two months). My allotted task for the morning was to buy cleaning supplies, as well as several items which I had noted last year at Passover’s end, as items “needed for next year”. In addition I had to make some routine blood tests in the morning, which meant fasting until 10 AM. That in itself should pose no problem. But I was feeling a little queasy; perhaps I had caught a “bug” after traipsing around in the drizzling rain Friday night. (Well, I HAD to get my steps in……)

   So I decided to take my breakfast with me: a diet yogurt. But on opening the fridge, I discovered that it was missing. (Ricki must have noticed it…) So on the spur of the moment, I decided that I would buy breakfast on the way to the stores, after the blood tests. I HAD calories I could use for breakfast. Since I was fasting, I hadn’t even had my morning coffee….

   The blood tests went easily. (….amazing how much easier for the technician to find a vein now that I weigh less…..) So I set out to have breakfast. I purposely passed the bakery, and went to a new “Italian corner” eatery I ad noticed of late.

   To make a long story short, the menu choices were NOT particularly dietetic, but I ordered a grilled sandwich, instructing them to cut it in half (the roll was huge…). To my dismay, on receiving the sandwich, I could see that they had smeared it with oil. (I could have ordered the salad with “rich cheese” for a lesser calorie count…) But time was passing, and I was hungry, so I ate the half sandwich. But it did put me about 100 calories past where I wanted to be at 11 am.

   On arriving home at 2pm, I had a milk drink, but still felt a bit under the weather. Soon I found myself polishing off a slice (SMALL slice) of cake from the freezer.

   “WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?” I queried myself. Apparently that old former internal script had reappeared….those lines inside my head that condone overeating as a way to deal with feeling under the weather or tiredness.

   You would think that after two and a half years of eating properly, those lines would have vacated my head, but no, they hadn’t. They had just lain in wait (“sin crouches by the door”) for an opportune moment.

   Of course, once I noted what was happening, I put a stop to it, being a little bit wiser, and a lot more on guard. In the end, I managed to close the day only 200 calories above my plan. Not bad.

   But I learned today that I will probably be “fat” in my mind forever.

The Potato Chip Bribe

Pesach loomed ahead of Ricki like a glittery treat: not only was she out of school, but her nieces and nephews were coming! Over a period of three days, all would put in an appearance, and for her this was definitely something to look forward to.
The only problem was when her don’t-tell-me-what-to-do personality got in her way.
The first day of the holiday, her older brother Y.L. was here with his wife and two daughters. Ricki decided in the early afternoon that she was going to read the older daughter, Gitti (age 3 and a half), a book. It should have been an excellent idea; Gitti not knowing to read yet, was ripe for entertainment. But Ricki had been a bit bossy that morning, and Gitti was reluctant to take the risk of sitting by her aunt.
Now a “normal” teen would have waited patiently a bit, coaxing and gently persuading her niece to join her. Not Ricki……
Ricki told Gitti in no-uncertain terms to come, and scowled at her when she didn’t. Gitti’s Mom and I took turns sitting next to Ricki, to provide “protection” and reassurance, but Gitti insisted on sitting one person removed from Ricki. I finally managed to convince Gitti to sit on a separate kiddy chair next to the sofa that Ricki was on, but Ricki refused to read to her like that.
Delicately I drew Gitti aside and offered her a bribe: one small bag of potato chips. She gleefully acquiesced, and plopped herself onto the sofa next to a thrilled Ricki.

The nice ending is that once she got through a few moments on the sofa, she forgot her fears and had a lovely time with Ricki for the rest of the afternoon!
I just wish that Ricki would sand off her rough edges a bit. She won’t be able to bribe all the people she meets in the future with potato chips…..

Holidays and Blues…..

Holidays are happy times, and you are not supposed to feel blue on them, are you? But after three hectic days of Pesach (Passover), all the guests went home, and I was faced with all the normal “problems” of my everyday life, the house was a mess, and I was tired. In addition, I realized that, it being Pesach, either I would cook, or the family would go hungry. So I cleaned up and made lunch, and feeling good about that, settled down with a new book…. ( my big pleasure every holiday)!
Now I had not bought a novel this time, but a book of essays. And the author, was painting, in vibrant colors her life and her trials: trying to put a bit of holiness into her day-to-day existence, to grab a bit of the spirituality surrounding her, and pull it along with her to the regular weekday world. Now I can empathize with all these goals, they fit me as well!
What threw me was her descriptions. I won’t go into details, but her lovely verbal drawing of the lovely warm typical family life, her portrayal of her inter-personal relations was such a far cry from parts of my reality that it stung. So I started feeling a bit sorry for myself. I even wondered if the goals this author had could REALLY apply to me as well. Maybe I am too busy 'managing' to be even trying to improve in the spiritual, personal realm? I brooded for several moments, but luckily I was able to switch suddenly in my outlook.
“Rickismom”, I self- remonstrated, “what about all the things that you DO have? Did you ever pause to be grateful for that? And are there not women with much less than you, who struggle, nevertheless, to put some spiritual content into their lives? OK, so you have ‘X’ problem, as well as ‘Y’, but there are so many things that could be worse!”
I decided that challenges, whatever they are, do not exclude me from the battles with the evil inclination, from the battle to better myself as a person, and to improve myself as a “maamin” (believer in, and servant of G-d).

Passover is Coming!

In many Orthodox Jewish households, women bemoan the onset of Pesach (Passover) cleaning, in the same tones I imagine Paul Revere using to announce the onset of British invasion.
Really ladies…. This is a pet peeve of mine.
Peasch is Pesach.
OK., it’s work. It is tiring. But…..

Lets not make Passover an annual tragedy. It isn’t.
Don’t teach your offspring to dread the holiday due to having a frazzled mom.

Tragedy is my email friend Eli losing her daughter last week.
And the same day, a friend lost her battle with cancer. Somehow, we her friends all found time to make it to the funeral.

It reminds me of an incident that happened years ago. A friend who had a baby with a disability was in a post-partum mother’s convalescence home and saw a woman crying horrifically because her son’s bris (circumcision) had been postponed at the last minute. She bitterly said, “I know that she has a right to cry, it is an upset for her, but does she REALIZE that it is a passing worry?”
We all cry at times about things that others feel are not that important. Even minor upsets can be stressful when they happen. I understand that.

But Passover comes every year. You know it is coming. So either start early, or, if you can’t, so do the minimum. You don’t have to scrub the entire place spotless. It’s nice, but not necessary, and you know it. Keep in mind that your kids having a happy mom is SO much more important than doing things that don’t have to be done.

Yea, I know that you are tired.
But…
… there are people in the hospital this week
… there are people sitting shiva (mourning)
….there are people who don’t have money to buy food for Passover

So if you and everyone in your family is well, and you have the health to clean, and your husband helps you out a bit here and there…
Try and be a bit grateful and SHUT UP!

The Recipe Book

Some women get shoes or dresses for Yom Tov (holidays); I buy books. So I went late last week to buy books to treat myself with during Pesach (Passover), which will arrive in two more weeks. In addition, I bought a Passover cookbook. [Anyone who knows me and books will ask “Why so early? Won’t you dive into them before the holiday?” The answer is that from now to Passover I will be too busy to go shopping. I manage to stay away from the books by putting them up in the boxes with my Pesach dishes where they are rather inaccessible.] The cookbook I allowed myself to peek into, because I would need to buy the needed ingredients if I planned to use the recipes.
Now a note on me and cooking... I don’t mind on occasion spending time and energy to cook something nice, especially if it is for holidays, and if guests are expected. Other then that, I usually go for simpler foods, simply because of time limitations. Also, even on holidays I will only fiddle around with a few things, because if I am cooking for a large crowd, I have limited time and energy. (Especially since I will want to dive into a new book as soon as possible….) This is surely true on Passover, when nearly everything has to be made from scratch, since few foods are produced for Passover with an excellent kashruth (kosher) supervision. You shouldn’t think my family starves on Pesach. My standard repertoire of Passover dishes, besides soup, fish, and meat, include various salads, eggplant spread, mayonnaise, and apple jelly.
So even though I have one very good down-to-earth Pesach cookbook, I purchased another one, to give me some new ideas and variety, including even a few fancier things for Yom Tov (the more important days of the holiday).
Well, I must say I was a bit disappointed in the end. Almost everything in the new cookbook was fancy (few normal recipes), but worst of all, several calling for ingredients I would not use nor obtain for Passover. (Many called for margarine or butter. I have never even HEARD of Passover margarine. Butter I can get, but it makes the food “milky”, which is not suitable to use along with meat meals, which are customary on Yom Tov.) Add to that the fact that 95% of the meat recipes all called for an oven, and I don’t have a kosher for Pesach meat oven. I am hoping tomorrow to take a second, closer look at the book, but I think I will need to stay with my standard fare and down-to-earth cookbook, which I do certainly enjoy.
But then, if I get one or two really good ideas, and suitably impress my daughters-in-law, maybe it will be worth it? (But then what will I do with the awful pride that will result…?)

Pesach Cleaning is Fun!

Yes, Pesach cleaning (spring cleaning) can be fun! Here are some hints how:
1. Put on a nice disc/tape when you work. I enjoy snazzy music; the beat energizes me!
2. Drop the expectation of non-helpers helping. You can try and corral them in… but try and drop the anger if they don’t.
3. Appreciate the oder and cleanliness as you expose it. It is FUN to see a drawer that you haven’t cleaned for a few years, free of dust. Take a picture is necessary.
4. If you are tired, yet have no time for a nap, sit down and do deep relaxation for 10-15 minutes. That should perk you up as well as a two hour nap.

Now there are other things you can do as well, but since I don’t practice them (like going to sleep on time…), I won’t preach them! Good night!

Eyes / Ears/ Pesach

Ears:
Ricki has had a bit of trouble getting used to her hearing aid after a week and a half lapse of use. However, this morning when she said “I can’t hear you…” for the seventh time, I suggested that she needed to have her hearing aid. She heartily agreed! GRIN
Eyes:
I have had pinkeye for the last several days. Yesterday it finally started getting better. I dread the possibility that my other eye has “caught” this and could flare up any time. Besides the discomfort, just the lack of ability to use the swollen eye is very disabling. The lack of depth perception that a second eye gives one was enough to impede any efforts on my part to carry on “as usual”. I just couldn’t zip around as quickly or energetically as I wanted to.
Pesach (Passover):
If I was behind in my Pesach cleaning before, now I REALLY am! I am not moaning, but laughing! I am looking at this as a happy challenge-race.
Meanwhile, I did clean and order our closed storage room. Amazing how much space there is in there, once the junk got taken off the floor….

Behind, as Usual/ Full-Price
Well, I’m only two days into Pesach cleaning, and am already behind schedule. It’s always like that. I tend to overcrowd the first several weeks of Pesach cleaning, in order to have more time at the end for the real important area, the kitchen and dining room. I feel that it is not very yomtivdik (holiday-wise) to enter Passover exhausted from the cleaning.

The missing part of Ricki’s hearing aid piece arrived. It cost me only 30 shekels (a bit under $10). The thing is, I happened to see the price that THEY were charged for the part: only 18 shekel. Which means that their mark-up is 2/3rds of what they were charged, or a full 40% of the total. I almost didn’t wish I knew……. I was happy with the price until I saw the amount of mark-up. But since they had to attach the part to the aid, I guess it’s OK. Twelve shekels (under $4) is more than fair for that.
I’m just wondering if the hearing aid itself (an expensive item) was ALSO a 2/3’s price mark-up. It’s true that they had to fiddle with the computer a bit to adjust the aid for her needs, but their service, in my eyes, is not worth $1000.

“You Know What”

Well, the famous Harry Potter books villain is called a frightened “You know who”. The frum (religious) Jew woman has her own scoundrel, her scared “you know WHAT” : Pesach (Passover). Almost everyone I called tonight asked me: “Have you started cleaning?” “Have you started Pesach?”
No, I have not yet started the thorough all-house cleaning that must be completed by Passover. And I wish that somehow I had somehow managed to start. But more than all this, I know that to get hysterical about it won’t help.
We all like to organize our belongings, shine our silver candlesticks, and have the house sparkling by Seder night (the first night of Passover). But there is no Biblical or rabbinical injunction to do half of what we do. We know that there are areas we can cut corners if need be. So why the hysteria?

And more importantly, what type of message are we sending our offspring when they hear us moaning and bewailing our tasks? That “Yiddishkeit” , Jewish laws, are a chore?
Yes, I know it means more work. More work, less sleep, and aggravation with teens who could help but often don’t. But since we are going to do it anyway, let’s do it with a smile and a song (at least part of the time).