As I have mentioned before (in reference to “would I cure her if I could?”), our teens change, and we continue to love them. (Even if they are, at times, a pain in the _______.) (Sorry!)
But I have terrible news for all you parents with cute little smiley kids with Down syndrome: they ALSO become teens. Really ornery, “I-hate-you-Mom” teens. Don’t think that they remain “little kids” forever. They don’t. They are NOT “perpetual children”. They are teens, and later, adults, with a limited intellect. And just as all teens strive for independence from their parents, and for respect as an adult, so do our growing teens with Down syndrome. But since they DO have an intellectual disability, that independence is harder to receive, and society as well treats them as children. This makes the fight much harder, that much more bitter, and therefore perhaps more rocky than with your average teen.
But the flip side is that a lot of things you may have been working on for ages suddenly “click”, and they really can learn to do an amazing amount of things. More than you ever dreamed when you were first told by the doctor that this precious child has Down syndrome.
Showing posts with label teens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teens. Show all posts
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Gosh, He is Growing!
Today is the 17th birthday of my youngest son, the child who is just “above” Ricki. He recently obtained a motorcycle license. (I signed two months ago that he could study and get a license before his seventeenth birthday—since he would soon be able to do so without my permission—but in return was able to extract from him a promise not to work as a delivery boy.) I figured that anyway it would take him some time to save up money for the cycle.
What I hadn’t counted on was that he would share his next-older brother’s cycle with him.
Anyway, as he backed the motorcycle out of the driveway, I glanced from our window above and saw him. Suddenly he looked so much taller; he is growing up. Gosh, the years are flying by and soon they will all be gone and living on their own....
What I hadn’t counted on was that he would share his next-older brother’s cycle with him.
Anyway, as he backed the motorcycle out of the driveway, I glanced from our window above and saw him. Suddenly he looked so much taller; he is growing up. Gosh, the years are flying by and soon they will all be gone and living on their own....
Friday, September 5, 2008
The Start of the “Bathroom Saga”
I suspect that this situation, which I am dubbing “The Bathroom Saga”, will lead to more than one post. I already have more to add in a day or two.
It started with a knock on my door Tuesday evening. My downstairs neighbor hemmed and hawed, and finally pronounced: “We have water dripping from our ceiling..”
So I went and had a look, and the stark facts hit me full force. We have a plumbing problem. So I counted floor tiles from his front door to the spot under the drip, returned upstairs, and calculated where the problem was (again by counting floor tiles). I was instantly struck by the certainty that this is going to be expensive. The leak is directly under our bathtub.
Now let me fill you in a bit about our apartment. The building is not terribly old (34 years?), but is old enough that the old metal pipes just aren’t working anymore. They are disintegrating. The tub is also 34 years old, and the porcelain coating is wearing off in several places.
A lot of places in our house need fixing. Every time I see a sweepstakes with a first prize of “refurbish your house” I rush to enter. I would love to have a new kitchen, a normal dining room table (don’t ask)…you understand, I’m sure. A household of kids can be a bit hard on the furnishings**. [Although -in defense of youth- let me add that twice I’ve had teenage sons do marvelous paint jobs on parts of the house.]
Our bathroom is particularly bad. Places in the wall where past plumbing jobs were done were not refitted with tile (so you see the black concrete beneath). The door to the room has a huge dent in it, where a frustrated teenage son had given a good kick, trying to impress on a sibling that he needed the bath NOW. (I add here to reassure you: He and the sibling both grew up to be non-violent law-abiding citizens.) The shower doesn’t work at all.
So faced with the prospects of major repairs, I called my daughter’s fiancée, who works in related fields. Maybe he is familiar with someone competent that I can trust not to overcharge? His reply: “I’ll do it.”
Now, as much as I enjoy bargains, I need someone competent. But it turns out that he has also done plenty of work in this area as well, and has relatives connected to the business (so he can get parts at cost price). The only catch is he is busy as can be, but he will make the time.
So, on Wednesday he came over to see the leak downstairs, make measurements, and discuss possibilities. When he saw the dilapidated state of our neighbor’s kitchen, he offered to tell him for free how to fix it up. I must admit that my daughter picked a groom with a heart of gold.
And even though a “new bath” was behind a “new kitchen” on my “wish list”, it looks like we will get a refurbished bathroom. Because, if we have to tear out the tub to work underneath it, it doesn’t pay, long tern, to leave things as they are now. It’s almost as if we are being told: “NOW is the time!” [Especially as we will be getting it done at cost price, litterally. Also we are leaving intact anything that is still passable and likely to hold up for the near future. I am not chucking out anything JUST to get "new" if not necessary.]
** There is a Jewish tradition/saying that if a woman has seven sons in a row she is promised heaven: because hell she had already. LOL. I guess I’ll have to do something else to deserve heaven, since my six boys are broken in the middle by Ricki’s older sister. A household of teenage boys is a wild ride, I must admit. But I don’t regret it for a moment.
And a final Note: This downstairs neighbor is the one with the chicken(s). (See post on Elul from September 1st.) When I went to look at the leak on Tuesday night, I noticed that they have only one left. Amazing that one hen can cackle so much!
It started with a knock on my door Tuesday evening. My downstairs neighbor hemmed and hawed, and finally pronounced: “We have water dripping from our ceiling..”
So I went and had a look, and the stark facts hit me full force. We have a plumbing problem. So I counted floor tiles from his front door to the spot under the drip, returned upstairs, and calculated where the problem was (again by counting floor tiles). I was instantly struck by the certainty that this is going to be expensive. The leak is directly under our bathtub.
Now let me fill you in a bit about our apartment. The building is not terribly old (34 years?), but is old enough that the old metal pipes just aren’t working anymore. They are disintegrating. The tub is also 34 years old, and the porcelain coating is wearing off in several places.
A lot of places in our house need fixing. Every time I see a sweepstakes with a first prize of “refurbish your house” I rush to enter. I would love to have a new kitchen, a normal dining room table (don’t ask)…you understand, I’m sure. A household of kids can be a bit hard on the furnishings**. [Although -in defense of youth- let me add that twice I’ve had teenage sons do marvelous paint jobs on parts of the house.]
Our bathroom is particularly bad. Places in the wall where past plumbing jobs were done were not refitted with tile (so you see the black concrete beneath). The door to the room has a huge dent in it, where a frustrated teenage son had given a good kick, trying to impress on a sibling that he needed the bath NOW. (I add here to reassure you: He and the sibling both grew up to be non-violent law-abiding citizens.) The shower doesn’t work at all.
So faced with the prospects of major repairs, I called my daughter’s fiancée, who works in related fields. Maybe he is familiar with someone competent that I can trust not to overcharge? His reply: “I’ll do it.”
Now, as much as I enjoy bargains, I need someone competent. But it turns out that he has also done plenty of work in this area as well, and has relatives connected to the business (so he can get parts at cost price). The only catch is he is busy as can be, but he will make the time.
So, on Wednesday he came over to see the leak downstairs, make measurements, and discuss possibilities. When he saw the dilapidated state of our neighbor’s kitchen, he offered to tell him for free how to fix it up. I must admit that my daughter picked a groom with a heart of gold.
And even though a “new bath” was behind a “new kitchen” on my “wish list”, it looks like we will get a refurbished bathroom. Because, if we have to tear out the tub to work underneath it, it doesn’t pay, long tern, to leave things as they are now. It’s almost as if we are being told: “NOW is the time!” [Especially as we will be getting it done at cost price, litterally. Also we are leaving intact anything that is still passable and likely to hold up for the near future. I am not chucking out anything JUST to get "new" if not necessary.]
** There is a Jewish tradition/saying that if a woman has seven sons in a row she is promised heaven: because hell she had already. LOL. I guess I’ll have to do something else to deserve heaven, since my six boys are broken in the middle by Ricki’s older sister. A household of teenage boys is a wild ride, I must admit. But I don’t regret it for a moment.
And a final Note: This downstairs neighbor is the one with the chicken(s). (See post on Elul from September 1st.) When I went to look at the leak on Tuesday night, I noticed that they have only one left. Amazing that one hen can cackle so much!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Teens and Sleep (Hibernation)
What is it about a teenager that induces an at-least once weekly (if not daily) hibernation? Take a day off from school/ work. An adult will get up probably at the same time (his internal clock won’t let him sleep), or at the most an hour later. However, a teen with a day off, will undoubtedly “sleep in”. (Unless he has a trip planned, in which case he’ll get up before dawn.)
Is this sleep an “escape”? Is the world so much harder for him to face? Is it the lack of having an urgent list of “things that need to be done”? Is it perhaps the lack of knowledge that the adult feels:” A pity to waste time, it is limited”?
I do know, however, that if you want a teen to awaken on time for obligations, like school, the best method is to give the responsibility to them. Give them a LOUD alarm clock, and let them face the consequences of not waking up on time. It’s the only way that consistently works. And it saves you from having to nag.
Is this sleep an “escape”? Is the world so much harder for him to face? Is it the lack of having an urgent list of “things that need to be done”? Is it perhaps the lack of knowledge that the adult feels:” A pity to waste time, it is limited”?
I do know, however, that if you want a teen to awaken on time for obligations, like school, the best method is to give the responsibility to them. Give them a LOUD alarm clock, and let them face the consequences of not waking up on time. It’s the only way that consistently works. And it saves you from having to nag.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
As They Are NOW
One of my “normal” children goes to a school where there are two important staff members: One that he sees daily, and one that he has less contact with. From the beginning of this year (when he entered this school) the first staff member has been pretty positive, and the second rather negative. Not that the first found nothing to complain about, but he did so in a way that showed that he believed in the boy.
Unfortunately, the second staff member has been almost universally negative. He has never contacted us with positive information, only with negative.
My son commented that all the boys in the school know that this teacher will see the good in boys that he is inclined to, and the bad in those whom he is prejudiced against. This suddenly reminded me of something that I had noticed when the children were younger, and I shared it with my son:
I had noticed that if a child had misbehaved, I was much more inclined to label any rambunctious behavior negatively (“he’s starting up with me”, “he’s being sassy…”). And if a child had gotten on my good side for some reason, the SAME behavior was likely to be excused or overlooked. In other words: I am likely to see what I expect to.
So this is a challenge to all parents: Even when your child has misbehaved, can you drop the anger and preconceived opinions, and let this child continue the day with a clean slate? [Incidentally, G-d judged Esau when he was with Hagar in the desert as he was THEN, despite his less-than-good future.]
Because if we do not judge them “where they are now”, they will notice that we are not being fair. Woe to us for such a mistake!
And of course I charged my son: If you can be good enough for a while, you will surely move to the second teacher’s “good” list. If you change, so can he.
Unfortunately, the second staff member has been almost universally negative. He has never contacted us with positive information, only with negative.
My son commented that all the boys in the school know that this teacher will see the good in boys that he is inclined to, and the bad in those whom he is prejudiced against. This suddenly reminded me of something that I had noticed when the children were younger, and I shared it with my son:
I had noticed that if a child had misbehaved, I was much more inclined to label any rambunctious behavior negatively (“he’s starting up with me”, “he’s being sassy…”). And if a child had gotten on my good side for some reason, the SAME behavior was likely to be excused or overlooked. In other words: I am likely to see what I expect to.
So this is a challenge to all parents: Even when your child has misbehaved, can you drop the anger and preconceived opinions, and let this child continue the day with a clean slate? [Incidentally, G-d judged Esau when he was with Hagar in the desert as he was THEN, despite his less-than-good future.]
Because if we do not judge them “where they are now”, they will notice that we are not being fair. Woe to us for such a mistake!
And of course I charged my son: If you can be good enough for a while, you will surely move to the second teacher’s “good” list. If you change, so can he.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)