There are SO many things that we have to teach our children. But the first is that we love them. And this lesson is one that must be taught again and again, until the child feels it through his bones and then more.
And if you ask me: “What, Isn’t fear of G-d more important?”
Well, if a child doesn’t know that you love him, he has no way of imagining that G-d does. After all, if his OWN parents don’t love him, than he can only feel unworthy of ANY love. Who will love him if his parent’s can’t? And I will add that the best way to get a child who is “off the way” to return is to accept him and love him.
Now, I am sure that ALL of my readers know that they love their children. But do they know it? Did you ever look in a mirror when yelling at your kids? Do you know how awful that looks?
I will be honest enough to admit that I yell at my kids. I am not proud of it, but I am not pretending here to be perfect.
But I also:
1. Listen… even when my 20 year old admits that he no longer wants to live the type of life I would like him to. I may mention that fact in passing, but I will be sure that he knows that I love him despite this. And that I admire other aspects of his personality. And that he must stay in contact with me, I will not compromise on that.
2. Can give a warm caress, a tussle of the hair, even a hug, even though in general I am not the demonstrative type. This applies also (in private) to those teenage sons who blush at a quick hug.
3. Can be flexible. Rethink that request; give up my plans for the evening in order to watch a movie my teen brought home; trust him with something I was hesitant about.
4. Am civil. Even when denying something, do it nicely. He may still scream at you “I hate you!”, but he will see by the HOW if you hate or not.
And while you can say “I love you” it helps. But actions, and words, speak louder than words.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Where is Love?
Where is love?Does it fall from skies above?Is it underneath the willow treeThat I've been dreaming of?Where is she...who one I close my eyes to seewill I ever know the sweet, hellothat's meant for only me?
For any of you who have not heard this, or can’t place it, this is from the musical “Oliver!” I heard it when I was an older teen, at a production in my home town. Many times after that, I found myself humming this song (when out of the earshot of others- I was embarrassed that others would find me funny), wondering when I would find my own true love. (Actually, I guess the song was written about finding Oliver’s mom, but I took it towards the direction of romantic love.)
Mind you, this is not about physical relations. The thing that we all search for, more than anything, is “the sweet hello that’s meant for only me”. Whether we are kids coming home after a bad day at school, a young teen looking for their life’s partner, a spouse who wants to still feel loved and esteemed, or an older person living alone, hoping that his children still cherish him and their memories of him. We all need the balm and elixir of being important to others. We all need to feel valued.
One of the things I enjoy about my oldest son is the exuberance he receives his children with on their return home from school. Such a priceless treasure his sons receive.
Once I was on a bus, and saw a woman with four young children. She was talking, explaining, smiling, and enjoying the ride with them. The optimism, the energy she had simply spilled over. Just as an onlooker I was affected.
I have a friend who is a “giver”, always giving and doing for others. At a wedding I once met her mother, who was busy checking that all the baby carriages would be put in a safe place. I instantly realized EXACTLY where my friend had learned to care about others. I know that I often bless my parents for the gift of optimism that they raised me with; it has been one of my most valued possessions.
Its funny, but love, one of the most precious commodities around, can not be bought. Nor taken by force. It can only be given. So let us give, freely, unstintingly. Hope you have (or had) a good day today!
For any of you who have not heard this, or can’t place it, this is from the musical “Oliver!” I heard it when I was an older teen, at a production in my home town. Many times after that, I found myself humming this song (when out of the earshot of others- I was embarrassed that others would find me funny), wondering when I would find my own true love. (Actually, I guess the song was written about finding Oliver’s mom, but I took it towards the direction of romantic love.)
Mind you, this is not about physical relations. The thing that we all search for, more than anything, is “the sweet hello that’s meant for only me”. Whether we are kids coming home after a bad day at school, a young teen looking for their life’s partner, a spouse who wants to still feel loved and esteemed, or an older person living alone, hoping that his children still cherish him and their memories of him. We all need the balm and elixir of being important to others. We all need to feel valued.
One of the things I enjoy about my oldest son is the exuberance he receives his children with on their return home from school. Such a priceless treasure his sons receive.
Once I was on a bus, and saw a woman with four young children. She was talking, explaining, smiling, and enjoying the ride with them. The optimism, the energy she had simply spilled over. Just as an onlooker I was affected.
I have a friend who is a “giver”, always giving and doing for others. At a wedding I once met her mother, who was busy checking that all the baby carriages would be put in a safe place. I instantly realized EXACTLY where my friend had learned to care about others. I know that I often bless my parents for the gift of optimism that they raised me with; it has been one of my most valued possessions.
Its funny, but love, one of the most precious commodities around, can not be bought. Nor taken by force. It can only be given. So let us give, freely, unstintingly. Hope you have (or had) a good day today!
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