Monday, December 16, 2013

The Toy Store

[picture: Ricki assembling a map of the world puzzle]     
   My good friend and I were walking, as we often do…. "C" is a wonderful walking partner (and a lovely all-around person, as well). However, among other things, she wanted to stop in the nearby mall to pick up a gift for some relatives. In addition, I promised to show her which store in the mall sells the cheapest jewelry. Both were fine by me.
  What took me by surprise was when she decided to pop into a toy store near the entrance, dragging me along with her. I don't think that I have been in a toy store since Ricki's passing (except for a store that sells crafts materials as well).
   [ I used to enter nearly every toy store I passed, looking for new educational materials for Ricki. Any new approach to a skill she was studying was likely to be purchased. Studying was to never be done with  "that same old boring toy" for her, oh no!]

   What surprised me was my reaction. I almost felt like I couldn't breathe. I even considered leaving, but decided the price of my friend feeling bad for taking me there was way too high a price to pay for my comfort. I just decided that to feel the loss is normal, permissible, and maybe even good. So I took a few deep breaths, and managed ok for the few minutes we were there. But I was surprised. But I'm OK with that, too.

4 comments:

sandra said...

my thoughts are with you. I remember walking into shule on Simchat Torah about half a year after my 3 year old daughter died.I literally couldn't breathe.And the son I gave birth to 6 months after she passed away was in the same maon she had been and I had a hard time separating that out.There are so many reminders and it takes a long time to sort them all out and be able to work it through.My heart is with you and may Hashem continue to give you the strength you so clearly have.

Rickismom said...

BTW, my good friend when she heard this was furious. "WHY didn't you TELL me?!?!?"

mikimi said...

I have to admit -my fault as I read her the blog post-but I honestly felt she should know as we each have our sensitive spots and if we don't let it be known, it might (as in myself) fester and we might snap at the situation.

Paula R. Stern said...

Keep meaning to come back here but it's been too long. I'm sorry for your ongoing sorrows...but I think that means Ricki is still with you always and that's good. I think you're right- what you felt was normal and right. The sorrows will come when they do and while you were so considerate to your friend...I don't think you had to be...she would have understood on so many fronts...sending love!