Saturday, November 16, 2013

An Imperfect Me

    Weight loss has impacted my life considerably. I mean, I weigh HALF of what I used to. I used to weigh 150 kilo!  But sometimes I feel that people only relate to the fact that I have lost weight, and miss the point. The real victory was not the shedding of the pounds, as much as the internal changes I have undergone.
     I have learned to listen to my body. To trust it more. Tonight when I was SUPER hungry (and I wasn't under stress), I finally, after an hour and a half, let myself have a bit extra. I know from experience that sometimes I have to ease a bit, and that it works out in the end. I will push myself to exercise. But if 40 minutes into my walk I STILL feel like I just can't do it today, I often allow myself to do less. Because I know with confidence that I am not giving in too easily. I know with confidence that my body is not lying to me. If my body tells me mid-morning that it needs some sleep, I will try to give it that sleep.
   I have learned that the direction is the most important thing. I can live with myself as an imperfect being. [In fact, I did not lose weight until I was able to internalize the feeling that "I am OK." Not, "I am OK despite the fact that I need to lose weight", but "I am OK, PERIOD."] If I am headed in the correct direction, I am doing fine. [But I need to be honest in what direction I am going. If I am slipping, I need to know that, and not gloss over it with past successes.]
    I have internalized that I am an individual. I do not need to be exactly like my neighbors. (Of course, being in a community requires one to respect that community's standards.) I can even dress "younger" than I did 20 years ago. I only need to answer to myself and G-d. [Caveat: If I chose to have a family, I obviously need to be responsible to those who are dependent on me.]

   So all in all, I feel that weight loss has freed me in SO many ways, but mostly from the idea that I must be perfect to have value.


Batya said...

lovely post
I'm having trouble keeping my weight off. It's getting harder to make the time to exercise.

rutimizrachi said...

I think I like best that you spoke about listening to your body. You are in tune. You have built yourself into a person who is not eating mindlessly, not living mindlessly. In my worldview, this is a great level to attain.

May you continue to see success in becoming the best you possible, while being absolutely happy with who that is, and how she looks.

mikimi said...

Acceptance and Awareness.
Two very important concepts.
You are also more than a number on a scale or what food you choose to eat or when. You have learned and taught yourself that you send of value just because you are you!