More and more I am coming up against Ricki being very stubborn, and rather angry, cranky, and spiteful. And one of the biggest problems is that there are so many variables that to point at one thing and say: do this and all will be well- is impossible.
It could be because:
-She is not getting enough sleep. She is scared of the dark. We are working on this, but it takes time
-Maybe her concerta is no longer enough? (a tempting idea, but this will be the last thing I would consider changing, as she already gets a lot.)
-A teen independence thing. I will show you that I don’t have to do what you want (even if it is the most ridiculous thing in the world.
I suspect the last. So I am being much more strict with her on shoves and kicking, and at the same time trying to find good things to notice. I just wish the process would be faster.
It seems to me that with all the shock of the early years of parenting a child with a disability, we forget that older parents have difficulties as well. You can’t force an adult-sized person to do what you want; you have to convince them. This, in actuality, is just and right. They have their own thoughts and opinions. [For example, I let Ricki wear her hair in a style I don’t like, because after all, it is HER hair!] The problems arise when this teen wants to do something that you know will hurt them, affecting them in ways that they themselves do not want. They just do not have the intelligence to measure that pro and con scale. But to build that level of trust, to build a bond that is strong enough to get them to realize that you have their own interests at heart… is the work of our lives. And this is of course true with ANY child, not just the “special” ones.