Sad Day

   It's a sad day when a nurse, working in the hospital, gets stabbed to death protecting her patients.(This happened in Texas.)
   As a fellow nurse, I salute her.

The Saleslady's Estimate

   Once upon a time, shopping for clothes would never give me a grin.  The outlandish price of the big-sizes store's merchandise, the embarrassment of trying something on and it not fitting… or even worse, the saleslady commenting that "We don't carry your size"…. All made clothes shopping a tense time to say the least.

     Now I have not lost a lot of weight since last winter, and my old clothing still fits me. But I decided that "maintaining" also deserves recognition, so I went to buy a few new items for myself today.

   And I discovered that I am a full size smaller than I was half a year ago.  And at one point a sales lady asked me if I needed help. I told her" I like this jacket, but I am not sure that this size 44 will fit me."

   "For sure not," she commented, "this item runs a bit small… I'll get a 46 for you." Well, in the end the size 44 had plenty of space…. . How great to be SMALLER than what the saleslady estimated!!

Smiles Beneath the Umbrellas

[image: man and child laughing in the rain]

    Now to those of you in other parts of the world, where it has been cold for a while, the idea that our fall rains are finally starting now may sound lovely. But here, where drought and lack of rainfall hang over our heads like a sword of Damocles, we await rainfall with bated breath.

    Then, today, at noon I was outside when it started sprinkling. Immediately every single child in the area spread open their umbrellas. The universal expression of the children was unabated glee. They were grinning "ear-to-ear". The attitude of the children seemed infectious to me. I loved to see them enjoying the rain in such a care-free and simple manner.

   However, the adults puzzled me. I was just about the only grown-up sporting a grin. 95% of the adults passing me were sporting rather serious expressions, and seemed oh so intent on accomplishing whatever they had set outside to do.

   Now responsibility is a great thing. And adults definitely may have more on their minds than their children do.  But what was going on here?

   I suspect that it had a bit to do with the rain being a bit unexpected (that is, to anyone who had not read the weather forecast).  Moments before it had been balmy and sunny.

     I suspect that children are in general more open to changing situations.  And I believe that we adults are really missing out on a lot of the small joys of life, simply because we are just too intent on the list of things to get done. But if we are out in the rain anyway, by golly, let's enjoy it!

An Imperfect Me

    Weight loss has impacted my life considerably. I mean, I weigh HALF of what I used to. I used to weigh 150 kilo!  But sometimes I feel that people only relate to the fact that I have lost weight, and miss the point. The real victory was not the shedding of the pounds, as much as the internal changes I have undergone.

     I have learned to listen to my body. To trust it more. Tonight when I was SUPER hungry (and I wasn't under stress), I finally, after an hour and a half, let myself have a bit extra. I know from experience that sometimes I have to ease a bit, and that it works out in the end. I will push myself to exercise. But if 40 minutes into my walk I STILL feel like I just can't do it today, I often allow myself to do less. Because I know with confidence that I am not giving in too easily. I know with confidence that my body is not lying to me. If my body tells me mid-morning that it needs some sleep, I will try to give it that sleep.

   I have learned that the direction is the most important thing. I can live with myself as an imperfect being. [In fact, I did not lose weight until I was able to internalize the feeling that "I am OK." Not, "I am OK despite the fact that I need to lose weight", but "I am OK, PERIOD."] If I am headed in the correct direction, I am doing fine. [But I need to be honest in what direction I am going. If I am slipping, I need to know that, and not gloss over it with past successes.]

    I have internalized that I am an individual. I do not need to be exactly like my neighbors. (Of course, being in a community requires one to respect that community's standards.) I can even dress "younger" than I did 20 years ago. I only need to answer to myself and G-d. [Caveat: If I chose to have a family, I obviously need to be responsible to those who are dependent on me.]

   So all in all, I feel that weight loss has freed me in SO many ways, but mostly from the idea that I must be perfect to have value.