The Useful (and the Tyrant)

I am a compulsive list-maker, and always have been. It’s probably in my genes. (If so, I hope that they are NOT on the 21st chromosome, or Ricky may be in REAL trouble…)
I have lists of almost everything: a list to check over when writing a supermarket shopping list, a list of craft supplies and their location in the closet, a list of weekly cleaning jobs, and the super-duper “Peasach (Passover) lists”*, which have a folder all of their own.
And then, there are the lists connected to Ricki:
-list of therapists (past and present)
-list of schoolwork I have to adapt
-list of things I want to study/do with her
-lists of skills needed to learn to reach independence
These lists are very useful. And tyrannical. Especially the last two. There are so many things that I want/need to do with Ricki, that it is neigh –impossible. The task seems overwhelming, hanging over my head like a sword of Damocles. At one point I saw that I would need to come to terms with the feelings that I MUST finish the things on the list. Because I can’t. (I often remark to friends, that any imaginative person has a problem. One can think up great ideas faster than they can be executed, which means that you’ll always be running in the red.)
So one day I decided that rather than being “to do” lists, these lists of Ricki would be “Good ideas when You have some time.” And that helps, especially with the list of “things I want to study/do with Ricki”. I am still struggling with not getting spooked out by the “independence skills” list. She is growing up fast, and time is going through the hour glass steadily and fast.

* what to buy/clean /etc. before Passover